


Gold Digger

by Hangmans_Radio



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-29
Updated: 2013-11-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 19:47:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 84,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hangmans_Radio/pseuds/Hangmans_Radio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set in California, 1849. Frank makes his way to Hangtown to find his fortune, there he meets Gerard, a man much more experienced when it comes to surviving the gold rush. The pursuit for gold leads both men down a path neither could have expected, a path of lust, love, murder and fear. Both must overcome much before they can return home with pockets heavy with gold.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted on ficwad.com and was a request fic. I'm going to slowly start transferring all my old stories from ficwad to here, and thought this was a good place to start. Bring on da booty!

Frank was the youngest man in the cart, as it rocked and swayed its way down the dusty road surrounded on both sides by dry plains of dead grass. His whole body was dirty, the underneath of his fingernails black from the dirt that had accumulated there throughout his long journey. He had washed last in the river before getting into the cart for the journey to the gold digging town but that had been four days ago now. He was pretty certain he didn’t reek as much as the old men who were surrounding him though.

He had been travelling for ninety three days now, ever since he had left his home in New Jersey, and many of the men he had started this journey with had since died of disease or drowned on the boat voyage. They had come through some storms to get here, and not many of them could swim. They had had to travel by canoes up a jungle river for some part of the way, after getting off the ship that brought them to California that is, and once canoeing a week or so up stream they had met with a group of ox and carts waiting for them to take them to their town.

Frank felt assured by the fact that this was the last jaunt of the journey, the four months he had been travelling had not been entirely unpleasant, but he ached to set down somewhere and settle in. His body was not made for all this travelling and he missed his home so very much. But there was nothing in New Jersey for him, he would be nothing but a pauper like the rest of his family and just like every other man surrounding him, he didn’t want that. 

Frank yawned and ran a hand through his over grown hair, the men around him smoking their pipes or just looking up at the starry sky in silence. They all had impressively long beards, Frank had tried to keep his cut with his pocket knife but he still had a layer of stubble over his jaw and chin. He scratched at it now as he gazed about the darkened plains, the night breeze was cool but the day had been so hot that they were all grateful for the relief, though it didn’t look like this place got much rain. 

Frank’s body was aching as the cart rumbled down the road, the swaying making his spine and ribs ache, the hard seat hurting his tail bone, the shocks from rocks and potholes like daggers up his back. His head ached from lack of sleep and his stomach rumbled, but everyone was suffering and desperate to reach the town so he didn’t complain. They all made fun of him for being the youngest as it was and Frank didn’t want to give them any more reason to view him as weaker.

As the night wore on and hours dragged by Frank began to nod to sleep, his arms hugging his bag he kept resting on his knees. The bag was full of the only belongings Frank had brought with him, clothes mostly, and then a black and white sketch of his mother and a locket that had been his grandma’s. Inside was a tiny picture of his grandfather, a man who had raised Frank when his father died when he was a child. His grandfather himself had died only a year previous, and Frank still thought of him often. It was part of the reason why he was even here.

“Alright men, there it is!” Frank jolted awake as the man beside him nudged him, the man driving the cart pointing out over the brow of the hill they were riding up. Frank sat up straighter and rubbed his eyes, looking out in awe as they moved over the hill and the town at its base came into view.

All of the men whispered softly as they looked at the sleepy town that was going to become their home. Frank took it all in with a heavy heart and sleepy eyes, trying to imagine it as home but it just made him miss New Jersey even more. Of course he hadn’t been expecting paradise, and the town didn’t look bad at all really. But he still couldn’t help but feel a little melancholy as he looked down at the neat grid of cabins. Some had candles lit in the windows, and there was what appeared to be a drinking tavern sat in the centre of the town, little dots of people coming and going as the men in the carts watched. There were tree stumps dotted about from where they had cut them down for the wood for the cabins, and a river that looked like naught but a grey vein from this height ran down the back length of the town. Frank supposed that was where they would find their gold. 

The ox pulling the carts grunted as they made their way down the hill, following a rocky mountain path to the town. Frank was silent as they moved, just gazing down at the little town that had been made specifically to mine for the gold in the rivers and that was going to become his home for however long it took to make him rich. He prayed it wouldn’t be long; he didn’t plan to be away from New Jersey forever.

When the carts finally reached the town a large group of men were waiting with lanterns. They helped get everyone’s bags out the carts and some spoke quietly to the drivers; some gave letters that needed transporting to different parts of the country as Frank and the others stood about silently. Now Frank was here he felt lost, completely unsure as to what to do or where to go. He could hear laughter and shouting coming from a distance, probably the tavern, and he hoped it wouldn’t go on too late into the night. Though he was so tired he had no doubts as soon as his head hit a pillow he’d be out like a candle in the wind. But the problematic thing was, he had no idea where that pillow might be.

The other men seemed just as lost as Frank and they all stood about waiting to see what they should do. Eventually, as the ox and carts were moving back the way they had came the men with the lanterns picked a man and got him to the follow them. Frank’s heart pounded nervously as he stood at the back, biting his lip and wondering what to do. No one seemed to be talking to him, it was like he was invisible.

Eventually, all the other men had walked away with one of the men with a lantern and Frank was left by himself, stood in the dark with his lip clamped between his teeth. He considered following someone, the feeling of not being welcome so strong inside him he could just cry. But then a light caught his eye and he turned, one last man with a lantern was stood by an old oak tree, watching him with a blank expression.

“You Chinese?” He demanded, Frank blinking stupidly for a moment.

“Ch – Chinese? I... No. Of course not.” He spluttered, touching his face in confusion. True, he hadn’t seen his reflection in a long time but he was pretty certain he hadn’t turned Chinese at any point of his journey. “Why-”

“Spanish?” The man demanded, walking forward and Frank instantly took a step back, whimpering. “I can’t see in the dark, where are you from?” The man demanded, raising his lantern and shining it in Frank’s face. 

The young man grimaced and raised his hands to shield his eyes from the light. He squinted at the man before him and felt his heart miss a beat, the man didn’t look much older than him and that made a change, his black hair fell to his shoulders and he was quite pale. He had such an air of authority around him that Frank felt incredibly intimidated.

“Hm.... No. You’re... American? Or... English?” The man asked, lowering his lantern once he had got a good look at Frank and he was able to finally lower his hands. He could see spots of light imprinted on his eyes from the lantern, the man’s head now a white orb and he blinked, trying to get rid of the image and see properly. 

“A – American. I’m from New Jersey.” He stuttered nervously, holding his bag over his shoulder and he shifted it, trying to get comfier as the man nodded thoughtfully.

“Hmm... New Jersey eh? Same here.” He smiled, relaxing at last and he clapped a hand onto Frank’s shoulder, gripping tight and steering him round to walk with him into the town. “The names Gerard, I’ll be taking you under my wing for the next couple days until you get settled. What’s your name kid?” He asked, Frank biting his lip and he stumbled along beside the taller man as he strolled rapidly down the roads between the cabins.

“It’s Frank...” 

“Frank. Welcome to Hangtown.” Gerard beamed, spanning his hand round the whole area and Frank looked about obediently, taking in the identical cabins and what was indeed a tavern at the centre. Most of the men who had arrived were following their consorts there but thankfully Gerard seemed to understand that Frank didn’t want to go out right now.

“Hangtown...” Frank repeated softly, Gerard nodding and pointing behind him back to the oak tree he had been stood beside.

“Yup. So called because of all the hangin’s we get here. Three men got hung all at the same time on that there tree, that’s when the name got changed to Hangtown. But we have loads of hangings, one every week sometimes. People get drunk and mad at each other, and step too far outta line you get hung.” He shrugged, Frank’s heart hammering and he felt a little queasy.

“What? B – But what about courts, the jury?” He stuttered. New Jersey had just as much crime as any other place but at least there were laws and constitutions, as far as Frank could see there was no court house or jail here.

“Courts?” Gerard repeated, laughing loudly. “The tavern gets used as a court when the need arises. And all we men are the jury. But don’t worry, you only get hung for really bad stuff.” He shrugged, Frank not finding that any more comforting since all that meant was that a _lot_ of really bad stuff happened.

“Really bad stuff...” He repeated softly, following Gerard up a small incline to a cabin a little secluded to the rest. “What did the three guys who got hung do?” He asked, Gerard stopping a little ways from the door of the cabin he had brought Frank to and he turned to look at him, his face serious and cast in shadow from the lantern.

“They stole another man’s gold.” He whispered ominously, his tone making Frank gulp softly. “They were accused of murder too but in this place Frank... you never... _ever_ steal another man’s gold.” Gerard whispered, leaning closer to Frank as if even just to speak it was enough to get you hung. “We’re all here to find our fortune Frank, whatever you finds you keeps. Only fair.” He nodded, Frank nodding along with him.

“Of course.” He squeaked softly, understanding completely. He would never have dreamt of stealing another man’s gold even without the severe consequences. 

“Good.” Gerard nodded, satisfied that Frank was sufficiently warned and he continued up the steps of the little wooden decking around the cabin. He unlocked the door and beckoned for Frank to follow him inside, taking his bag off him once he had and tossing it onto one of the single beds in the room.

The inside of the cabin was fairly spacious, a wardrobe, chest of drawers and book case taking up one wall, a small coal fireplace in between the wardrobe and book case. A fire was smouldering, glowing softly and providing light and warmth along with the candles dotted about. The two beds were on opposite ends of the cabin, a large, threadbare rug in the centre of the floor, the three windows small but fair. There was a mirror on the back of the door, and a washbowl on the chest of drawers. In the corner of the room was a pile of pick axes, boots, shovels and sifting pans. 

“Right.” Gerard rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and looked about as Frank stood timidly by the door. “That there is your bed, I had to make it pretty quickly when I found out someone would be sharing me cabin so I’m afraid it’s nothing exciting.” He sighed, Frank shaking his head and thanking him quickly for even making him a bed at all. 

“You can put your clothes in the wardrobe too, but wash ‘em first.” Gerard continued, Frank nodding without argument, he knew the taller man was only saying that because he understood after so long of travelling all of Frank’s clothes would now be dirty. 

“If you have the means to build your own cabin then feel free. Everyone just builds ‘em wherever they want, but ask me first. There are some weird people in this place and you never know when you might upset them.” 

“Oh erm...” Frank bit his lip and bowed his head, shuffling his feet nervously. “Well I... I didn’t really bring anything to build with. I mean... I could... could cut down a tree or...”

“It’s fine.” Gerard cut across him, smiling warmly when Frank continued to look nervous. “Seriously, it’s fine. You can stay here, I could do with the company if truth be told.” He said kindly and Frank smiled gratefully at him, nodding his head. He hadn’t even considered he might have to build his accommodation when he’d set off, but he supposed now he really should have thought of that. Still, at least with Gerard he’d been given a lucky break. 

“So... in the mean time, I guess you’ll be wanting a wash and everything. I have some towels here, and a bar of soap.” Gerard opened one of the drawers to retrieve said items, Frank nodding gratefully and catching them as Gerard threw them to him. “You can use this to wash your clothes.” He added, handing Frank a wooden frame with metal slats. “Everyone washes down in the river, it’ll be empty this time of night too so you can have your privacy. I’ll take you down to the right part.” 

“Thank you...” Frank whispered, so grateful to have such a thoughtful man taking care of him. He wasn’t so naive to think that everyone would be so helpful, but he supposed what with Gerard not seeming to be a whole lot older than him the man understood how nerve wracking and new this experience was for Frank. 

Gerard smiled and shrugged off the younger mans thanks, picking up his lantern again and nodding at Frank to follow him. They stepped out of the cabin and Gerard led the way down a small trail to the river, explaining to Frank all about the gold mining techniques they were using in this part of California. He told him everything he needed to know about what times he would need to be working on the river for a good days work, and how much he was likely to find. He told him a little about the different things in the town and some of the key things he should and shouldn’t do. Frank listened intently, wanting to just be able to work quietly and keep himself mostly unnoticed until he had made enough to give himself and his family a comfortable life back in New Jersey.

“Right, this is it.” Gerard nodded at a part of the river that was wider than the rest, the water gushing and bubbling from the current. “This is the deepest part, and not too good for gold. We all wash here, the current looks strong but it’s actually not so bad. Take as long as you like just don’t drink the water. Got that?” He asked and Frank nodded, thanking him again.

“I got it. I’ll erm... see you back at the cabin then?” He asked nervously and Gerard smiled, nodding warmly. 

“Mhmm. See you in a minute.” He smiled, setting the lantern down on a rock so Frank would have some more light to see by other than just the moon and the stars and the young man thanked him softly once more, Gerard waving his hand in dismissal as he began strolling back up the trail to the cabin. 

Frank watched him go and sighed softly, so grateful that it was Gerard taking care of him. He waited for him to disappear out of sight before he looked about to make sure he really was alone. Once he was satisfied that he was he stripped of his dirty clothes and sighed happily as the cool breeze washed over his naked body. He couldn’t wait to finally clean up and he stepped into the river, shivering a little at the cold water.

He walked deeper, clutching the bar of soap and wading out until the water came up to his waist. The current took a moment to get used to, but once he had found his footing he began scooping up the water and pouring it down over his chest. He shivered violently and his nipples stood erect from the cold, goose bumps sprouting over his skin but he didn’t care. It felt so refreshing and he eagerly began rubbing the bar of soap all over his skin, watching as the days of dirt and grime disappeared from his skin, letting its natural olive tone come through.

He looked about over the river and smiled softly as he listened to its gushing and the music of crickets all about, the moment peaceful and calm. He would wash all of his clothes in a moment, he decided, once he was clean himself.

From up the trail Gerard turned to look at him, just wanting to check he was okay and he hesitated a second, staring expressionlessly down the hill at the naked man in the river. He could only see his back and not with much detail from this distance, just the way his skin shone a little in the moonlight, the water around him almost silver for the same reason and Gerard sighed. He took in the sight of the young man for a long moment, watching him wash his arms and chest before he turned round and continued to the cabin, finding it easily even in the dark from the long months he had spent walking that very trail every day.

>XPanama from there which took me to the Isthmus of Panama, and that took a couple months at least I’d say.” He said thoughtfully, tapping his razor against the side of the washbowl. “We set sail on the 11th of May... Do you know today’s date?” He asked, looking at Gerard who had to think for a second.

“Erm... August 12th as I recall it... so a good three months then. That sounds about right.” He nodded, Frank giving a low whistle as he turned back to the mirror and continued shaving.

“Mm... three months... It felt so much longer.” He sighed, Gerard watching him with a curious smile.

For a moment the two men were silent, Gerard allowing Frank to shave until he was done and he picked up the towel off the nail to wipe the remains of the soap away. He checked his reflection to be sure he hadn’t missed a spot before he put his razor away and sat down on his bed, facing Gerard across the long gap between the beds.

“What about you? How long have you been here?” He asked softly as he puffed up his single pillow and removed his shirt, folding it neatly as Gerard hummed thoughtfully and lay back on his bed, placing his hands behind his head.

“How long? Hmm... I’d say a year almost. I came here first second I heard, back in 1848. There was hardly anyone here then, mostly just me and a couple old guys. But as soon as all you forty-niners started showing up this place really grew. No doubt it’ll continue to do so n’all.” He said thoughtfully, Frank biting his lip.

Forty-niners was the term used for men like him who came to the gold towns after President Polk had confirmed there to be gold found in California. Due to the lax laws that surrounded the area, a strange mix of Mexican and American laws fighting to prevail, there was no tax or ownership laws surrounding the gold. It was free for anyone to take and soon people from all around the world had been rushing to places just like Hangtown to find their fortune. The sudden rush for the gold in that year, 1849, had had the people, mostly men, labelled as Forty-niners and though Frank knew it wasn’t a derogatory term he still felt a little irritated to be referred to by it.

“Ya’ know, I never wanted to come here.” He blurted out, feeling the need to make it clear he wasn’t just another greedy man desperate for any gold he could get his grubby little hands on. Though he supposed Gerard probably was himself. “Not just here... California I mean. I... I didn’t care about the gold.” He said softly, Gerard turning his head to look at him with a bored expression, though his eyes held a spark of interest.

“I notice you say _didn’t_. What changed your mind?” He asked softly, Frank hesitating a second with his lips parted. He had only just met this man and he wasn’t sure now was the right time to start telling him everything about himself. But then if he was going to be living with him what other choice did he have?

“Well I... I need it. The gold... I need it for my family.” He said softly, Gerard giving a strange, bark like laugh as he sat up and started to undress.

“Of course you do. That’s why we’re all here ain’t it? To get rich, to get better lives. To _provide_.” He said pointedly, getting to his feet once he had removed his shirt and he began undoing his breeches, looking Frank dead in the eye as the younger man blushed a little. 

“I see a lot of men like you Frank, men who come in here thinking they have some higher purpose to the rest of us. Don’t you go assuming we’re all just gluttonous fools who want the gold for ourselves. Every man here has a wife, a child, or some other family to be thinkin’ of. Everyone here is trying to make a better life for not just themselves but the people they leave behind to come here. You ain’t no different to nobody else.” He said firmly, Frank opening his mouth to reply but instantly closing it again when Gerard dropped his breeches right infront of him and crawled into bed.

Gerard hardly made a display over the fact he was getting naked, he simply dropped his clothes and got back into bed and under the covers quite casually, but that didn’t mean Frank didn’t see the whole of his naked body and stare just a little. He didn’t mean to stare, after all, it wasn’t like he didn’t know what men looked like. He knew it was perfectly normal and harmless for a man to undress infront of another man, but... but Frank wasn’t like other men. And so when he was forced to look at another naked male it made him very uncomfortable.

“I... I never meant to imply...”

“It doesn’t matter.” Gerard shrugged, resting his head up on his hand as he looked at Frank with an unreadable expression. “I’m just sayin’ was all. You need to be careful what you say round here, if a man get’s an excuse to make you out to be a bad guy then he will. Eliminate the enemy if you will. And to the guys here, anyone else digging for the gold is an enemy. You got that?”

“I... Got it.” Frank nodded, sighing and bowing his head. This place was gonna be a lot tougher to stick out than he thought. He felt very small, and very naive all of a sudden. 

For a long moment neither man said anything, Gerard watching Frank quietly from his bed. Eventually Frank couldn’t stand the tension any longer and he shyly got undressed, removing his vest first before getting beneath the covers and then removing his breeches so that Gerard wouldn’t see anything. Gerard quirked an eyebrow at that but didn’t say anything, though inside his stomach churned with concern. Frank acted so like a woman, all shy and timid, not even able to undress infront of a person. In places like this, full of sex deprived, violent men, acting like a woman was a very dangerous thing to do. Gerard supposed he would have to keep an eye on Frank, and get him toughened up at the earliest possibility.

“So, come on then.” He said suddenly, Frank turning onto his other side to face him.

“Hm?”

“Why you want the gold? I thought you were going to tell me. Why’s your family need it so bad?” He asked, his tone light and casual. Frank knew now of course that his family probably needed it only as much as the next family, but... he hadn’t talked about his family in so long, no one having taken an interest, and he was grateful for the opportunity now to just talk about them a little.

“Well... I... I suppose it’s nothing major.” He said softly, still wounded from Gerard’s earlier verbal bashing. “But my father died when I was five, and my mother never remarried. My Grandfather became like a dad to me but he died last year too so now my grandma is widowed too...” Frank sighed and bowed his head, picking at the bed sheets so he wouldn’t have to look at Gerard’s face. 

“I’m an only child, and my mother doesn’t have any brothers so it became my duty to provide for both her and my grandmother. But there’s nowhere paying high enough for that sorta thing. Not in Jersey anyway... so that’s why I came here.”

“To get gold enough for both households.” Gerard nodded his understanding, Frank nodding too. 

“Mhmm... I don’t really care if I only make enough to support just them, and so never get the chance to buy a nice place for myself. As long as I can provide for my mum and grandma I’ll get a job back home that’ll get me enough to keep me surviving for my lifetime without the gold.” He explained softly, sighing as he met Gerard’s gaze again. “I don’t _wanna_ be rich. But I guess I sort of need to be...”

“That’s a good way of putting it.” Gerard nodded, smiling to show Frank he understood. “It’s kinda like that for me.” He sighed, Frank tipping his head to the side and looking at Gerard with interest.

“Yeah? Why are you here?” He asked softly, Gerard smiling weakly and keeping his gaze locked with Franks, though the younger man could see it took a great deal of effort not to just look away and down like he had done.

“Well... I’m here for my brother really.” He said softly, sighing to himself. “Michael... He got engaged last year but he fell real sick before the wedding...” He whispered, his eyes growing sad. “We’re not sure what’s wrong with him, we had the doctor see him but they all say different things, you know what it’s like in Jersey.” He scoffed. “He managed to hold out and get married, and for a time things looked like they’d be fine. His wife got pregnant and they were both so happy... I was so excited for them...” Gerard’s eyes grew misty as his gaze moved to a spot above Frank’s shoulder, just gazing as if he were staring a great distance. “But just after his daughter was born he got worse again... He can’t work, he’s falling into poverty. It’s only with the help of my parents that he hasn’t lost his house all together. There’s a doctor in New York who we know could help him but he’s a specialist, he’s worked for the English royal family and everything but of course he’s expensive. Mikey says he doesn’t care, that he’ll go when it’s his time but I can’t stand to think of his daughter never knowing her father... he’s such an amazing man, my brother...” 

“So you’re here to pay for his medical bills.” Frank whispered, Gerard seeming to snap out of his reverie and he nodded with a smile.

“That’s right. If I could just get enough gold to pay for this doctor to see him... to _help_ him. Then everything would be okay. I’m just like you. I don’t wanna be rich, but I guess I sort of need to be.” 

Frank bit his lip and nodded, his heart aching a little for this kind, handsome man who was being so helpful to him and who understood his plight so much better than Frank thought anyone here would. In fact, his plight suddenly felt far less important when faced with Gerard’s.

“Well I... I really hope you get the gold you need Gerard.” He said softly, Gerard laughing softly and nodding, smiling gratefully.

“Same to you Frankie. Same to you...”

The two men shared a soft smile and agreed they should get to sleep, the hour late, not even the tavern making any noise now and so they blew out their candles and snuggled down under their thin blankets to get to sleep. In the morning Gerard would take Frank to the river and teach him the easiest method for getting the gold: panning. He only hoped that tomorrow would prove to be the day he had been waiting for…

The day he would finally find a substantial amount of that yellow metal he so desperately needed.


	2. Pant for gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frank is struggling to settle in, although he's a little more popular then he had expected to be.

"Frank... Frank... Wake up!” 

Frank gasped and coughed, snapping awake to Gerard’s hand shaking his shoulder. His eyelids fluttered heavily and he groaned, closing them again once he decided it was too much effort to keep them open and he batted a hand lazily at Gerard.

“Mm... M’up, m’up...” He slurred, sighing and rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his palms as Gerard’s hand on his shoulder disappeared and he heard him walking back across the cabin. He was humming quietly to himself and Frank relaxed to the soft noise, deciding he liked it quite a lot in his semi-conscious state and he sighed, groaning loudly as he stretched. “What time is it?” He whispered, trying again to open his eyes.

“Hm?” Gerard glanced over his shoulder at the sleepy man in the bed and he shrugged, pulling back the curtains on all the windows and peering out at the pale blue sky. “Judging by the height of the sun I’d say six ‘o’ clock. This is the time everyone gets up, you’ll learn to do it yourself when your body clock matches to it.” He answered brightly, Frank groaning again in distress at the thought of having to get up at six ‘o’ clock every morning. 

“Six? Oh God...” He whined, Gerard chuckling softly and when Frank eventually opened his eyes and looked at him he was shocked to find he was already dressed and boiling a kettle of water over the fire. He looked over at Frank when he felt him watching him and he smirked a little. 

“It gets easier. You’re just tired from all the travelling still.” He said kindly, poking at the coals in the fire with a poker and Frank sighed, nodding silently just because he was finding it difficult to create a coherent sentence in his current sleep deprived state. 

“Would you like some breakfast Frank?” Gerard asked kindly, looking over at him again and Frank nodded slowly, unable to stop the shy smile that tugged at his lips. 

“Please...” He whispered, forcing himself to sit up and slowly slide out of bed, pulling on a pair of breeches as he went. He looked about for a shirt but then gave up when Gerard handed him a mug of black coffee, clearly not bothered by Frank’s half nakedness so the younger man just sat back down on his bed with a soft smile. “Thanks...” He sighed, looking down into his cup and breathing in the delicious scent. “Mm... I haven’t had coffee in a while...” He whispered, Gerard grinning at him.

“It’s probably some of the more expensive stuff you can buy round here, but I earn enough so I figure, why not? I’m afraid I don’t splash out as much on the food though.” He said softly, handing Frank a metal plate with nothing more than a hunk of bread and a tiny amount of cheese on. But to the starving man it was the most delicious thing he had ever seen.

“You don’t have to apologise to me, I promise I’ll pay you back as soon as I start earning.” He said softly, Gerard chuckling lightly and shaking his head as he picked up his own mug and plate and sat down beside Frank.

“Nonsense, we live together now, we share and share alike.” He smiled, Frank blushing and tripping over his thanks. He knew such kindness shouldn’t be taken lightly and he wanted to show his gratitude, but Gerard just shrugged it away once more. 

“Once we have to buy some more food then of course you can put towards it, as is only fair. But for now, don’t worry.” Gerard shrugged, Frank nodding.

“Of course... Thank you Gerard.” He smiled, the older man laughing and ruffling his hair fondly, making Frank blush even more and nearly choke on his bread. He looked up at the male man who only grinned back at him and Frank couldn’t help but beam back.

xXx

“-And so that’s how you pan for gold, you think you can do that?” Gerard asked with a soft smile, Frank biting his lip as he stared at the pan in his hand, thinking about it a moment before he grinned and nodded.

“I think so.” He beamed, his cheeks tingeing pink again, as they so often did around Gerard, as the older man clapped a hand onto his shoulder with a pleased smile. 

“Good!” He grinned, chuckling a little at Frank’s blush. 

The two men were crouched down beside the river, a mile or so upstream to where Frank had bathed the night before. A few other men were a few yards down from them but most had congregated to a spot further up stream. Gerard had explained to Frank that that was, supposedly, the best spot for the gold and as such it was getting pretty heated up there as men argued and shoved to get to what they believed to be the richest spot. But Gerard had only laughed and told Frank that from his experience he was in the richest spot, and that the only reason the other men weren’t joining them was because Gerard wasn’t stupid enough to shout about the gold he earned. Plus the fact he saved most of it, he always seemed to be one of the poorer men, refusing to spend ostentatiously and as such where ever he went others very rarely followed.

“So, panning is always the best way to start, and it’s mostly what I stick to. You can try other methods, but this to me is the most effective. It’s all self choice really.” Gerard shrugged, smiling as he got up and stretched, groaning as his back clicked. “I’ll go find us a couple o’ crates to sit on, makes the bending down easier. I’ll be back in a minute.” He patted Frank’s shoulder gently and smiled at him before walking away from the river, back towards the town of cabins. 

Frank watched Gerard go for a moment before he faced forward again and began shovelling gravel from the river bank into his pan with a little trowel. Gerard had explained the process of panning slowly and delicately to him, not at all bothered when Frank had to ask him to repeat himself or go through certain parts again; he just seemed to be pleased to have the company or something and that made Frank extra happy. 

The other men seemed quite intimidating and... loud, and Frank didn’t really like them. But he tried not to be judgemental, he hadn’t really talked to any of them after all and he knew he shouldn’t make assumptions from first impressions.

Frank tried to ignore all the shouting and arguing from up the river as he filled his pan halfway and then began to work his hands through it, breaking up clogs of dirt and roots before he submerged it under the river water in a place that Gerard had pointed out for him, where the current was at its weakest and the water only a few inches deep. Frank had been told that once he had got used to panning he’d be able to add more and more to the pan until eventually he’d be able to fill it right up, but whilst he was only a beginner he had to start with it only half full so as to lose as little gold as possible. 

Frank poked his tongue out a little as he concentrated hard on moving the pan in the circular motion Gerard had showed him, his hands growing cold under the water as he kept the pan as balanced as possible, the motion smooth and fluid, gently shaking out the lighter grains of rock, silt and dirt. He then raised the pan and worked his fingers through it again, breaking up more clumps before repeating the shaking process under the water, his brow furrowing with concentration. Gerard had told him not to worry about losing gold, he had said the lighter rocks would be swept away by the current and that the heavy gold would sink to the bottom, but Frank couldn’t help but watch in worry just in case. 

Frank was concentrating so hard he didn’t hear the person approaching him until they were right behind him, making him jump with a gasp. He raised his pan out of the water and glanced over his shoulder with a smile, expecting to find Gerard but instead coming face to face with a middle aged man with a short brown beard and standing with his legs wide apart, fists clenched and resting on his hips.

“Ah, Gerard you startled m – Oh! I – I’m sorry, I thought you were –”

“Well howdy little man... I ain’t seen you round here before.” The man grinned, a gold tooth glinting in the sun as Frank gazed up at him with big eyes. “You must’ve arrived last night with the others eh?” He smirked, crouching down so he was level with Frank, the younger man biting his lip.

“Oh I err... yeah, I did erm...”

“Ya’ know it’s awful rude not to come into the tavern and introduce ya ‘self when you first arrive.” The man purred, leaning closer to Frank so that his head blocked out the sun. He was a very broad man, though an average height. His arms were bulging with muscles Frank noticed, his shirt sleeves rolled right up his biceps and his overalls were grubby with dirt. On top of his brown hair he wore a floppy brimmed hat, and his eyes were a little blood shot. Frank was sure he was a lovely man, but at that moment he wanted nothing more than for him to get out of his breathing space.

“Oh erm... Well... Well Gerard never –”

“Of course, you could introduce ya’ self _now_ and I’ll inform the others of ya’ name and we can save you a seat in the tavern tonight. ‘Ow bout it?” The man smirked, interrupting Frank once again and making the younger man’s skin crawl just a little more. 

“Hm? What’s your name kid?” He laughed when Frank didn’t seem to be answering and the short man stuttered a little.

“Oh well... I... My name is Frank...” He offered softly, the man beaming and thrusting his hand in his face.

“Swell! S’good to meet ya’ Frank, my name’s Samuel.” He grinned widely, that gold tooth distracting Frank slightly as he slowly allowed Samuel to take his hand and shake it vigorously. His grip was tight and a little painful and Frank tugged his hand away, biting his lip as he looked at Sam with frightened eyes.

“Well I should get back to work...” He mumbled softly, just wanting this man to leave him alone. He wasn’t exactly a social butterfly, and though he tried not to be a shy person it was something he had never been able to easily overcome and this man was making him feel increasingly more uncomfortable. 

Samuel chuckled and grabbed at Frank’s pan, his eyes glinting and a slow smirk split his features at Frank’s distraught squeak and feeble attempt to snatch it back. 

“Hey, hey, well now... you don’t have to be getting all a flustered Frankie, I’m only takin’ a look.” Samuel laughed, gazing into the pan a second before shoving it back into Frank’s hands. “Don’t you know it’s better up there for gold? There’s a nice big space right next to me too.” He chuckled, gazing intently at Frank’s face as the younger man blushed deeply. 

Frank peeked upstream at the groups of men still fighting and arguing and bit his lip, glancing back at Sam who was still smirking at him. “Erm... thank you but I... I better wait for Gerard so...” 

“Ah, course. I didn’t realise you needed a nurse maid.” Sam laughed, making Frank’s cheeks burn red and he looked down at his lap, feeling embarrassed and he flinched when a rough hand suddenly cupped his cheek. He supposed the touch was supposed to be tender but it made his stomach churn sickeningly and his head snapped back up to look at Sam.

“Wh–”

“If you change your mind... I’m only right up there.” Sam purred softly, Frank gulping as he brushed his thumb slowly across his cheek bone. His skin crawled at the touch and he tried to lean back, Sam’s arm extending to follow the movement and Frank went to smack his hand away before someone did it for him.

“Not distracting Frank from his work, are you Sam?” 

Gerard’s voice was low and soft, but laced with poison and Frank’s stomach gave a strange tingle at the sound. Sam scowled and slowly moved his hand away from Frank’s face, turning to look at the pale man. 

“So what if I am?” He snarled, standing up straight and puffing out his chest as he folded his arms across it. Gerard placed his own hands on his hips, his face a mask of calm but his eyes swirled dangerously and Frank felt nothing short of helpless as he looked up at the two men.

“I was only tellin’ him where the better gold spot was. But he probably couldn’t handle it up there anyway if he needs you to hold his hand all the time.” Sam scoffed, Frank lowering his head with shame but Gerard only continued to glare at Sam, taking a deep breath as if to calm himself before he spoke next.

“This is Frank’s first day. He’s just learning how to get down the technique, and he’ll learn much better without you standing over him.” He said calmly, but his tone was like acid and Frank couldn’t help but look up at him again, his stomach giving that strange tingling. It was like a thousand needles prickling against his insides, the touch so light and soft it didn’t hurt but merely stung a little, warming him up and making him want to wrap his arms around himself and squeeze tight. 

“Pfft, there are plenty men up there on their first day.” Sam snapped in response to Gerard’s words, his mouth open to keep talking but then he glanced at Frank and seemed to think again. “Ya’ know what, I don’t care. You have it your way. I’ll see you in the tavern tonight Frank... where the _real_ men are.” He purred, laughing to himself as he turned and strode back up the river bank. 

Frank sighed and bit his lip, looking back at Gerard with worried eyes. He hoped he hadn’t made him angry, it wasn’t like he had invited Sam down. In fact, he would have been much happier if he had stayed where he was, but Gerard didn’t seem angry, he seemed to understand, and he smiled gently as he placed down the two small, wooden crates he had collected.

“Don’t worry about him Frank, he’s just...” Gerard stopped, seeming lost for words and he sighed, shrugging and sitting down on one of the crates. “He’s just the lowest of the low. You don’t wanna get caught up with guys like him.” He sighed, pushing the other crate to Frank with his foot, smiling again. “Sit.” He chuckled and Frank scrambled up onto the crate with a soft smile in return.

“I... I don’t plan to get caught up with him... I... Thanks for helping me there. I didn’t know how to get rid of him.” He giggled nervously, Gerard smiling with a soft laugh though it seemed forced. Frank looked at him questioningly, biting his lip and wondering whether he should ask Gerard if he was okay but the older man spoke before he had chance. 

“Just...” Gerard hesitated, sighing as he looked up at Frank. Their eyes locked and for a moment Frank felt as if Gerard was searching his gaze, before he chuckled softly and shook his head with a smile. “Just don’t worry ‘bout it. Sam’s a jerk is all; you just need to keep away from him.” 

With that warning in mind Frank was left to get on with his work, Gerard already scooping gravel into his own pan until it was full and he leant forward to shake it beneath the water with such practised skill that Frank felt stupid for his own clumsy attempts at panning. He could hardly concentrate now anyway with Gerard’s words hanging like something solid in the air, hanging like the bodies of the men that were the town’s namesake. It was making Frank’s heart trip over in its rhythm and he couldn’t help but glance up at the stream to look at the men again, blushing deeply when he saw that Samuel was gazing downstream at him, a smirk playing about his lips.

xXx

“So you err... you said you come in here most nights?”

“Yeah, it’s good to just relax with a drink after a hard day’s work ya’ know? It’s not exactly luxury but... it’s all we got.” 

“Uh huh...” Frank stared up at the tavern as it loomed over him, his eyes wide and lips parted. From inside the crooked wooden building the sounds of glass breaking and the fast music from a bow fiddle could be heard weaving in and out of all the screaming and shouting and laughter. There were a few men stood outside, talking and smoking pipes but they had all turned to stare when Gerard and Frank had arrived. 

Frank felt incredibly intimidated just from the outside of the building so the last thing he wanted to do was go inside it, but he didn’t want to offend Gerard by leaving... Though he wasn’t sure whether it was such a good thing that he had come with him, after all, so far all he had done was stick to the older man like glue and he was worried that Gerard was getting sick of him but was just too polite to tell him to leave him alone.

“We won’t stay long if you don’t want to.” Gerard softly, Frank jumping when he realised he was looking at him and he grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

“No, no it’s fine. I was just erm... Nothing. Let’s go inside.” He said quickly, striding forward before Gerard could say anything else and the taller man watched him with curious eyes, smiling a little as he rolled them and followed Frank inside.

The inside of the tavern was just as bad as the outside, well, worse even. The noise was louder and there seemed to be little bar fights all over the place from men accusing other men of something or other. Many were drunk already, though the evening was hardly late. All Frank and Gerard had done was get washed, changed and have some dinner before coming here themselves so Frank was stunned by the amount of drunken debauchery. 

Out of all of the men present there were only two women, and as they weaved in between tables, giggling loudly and rubbing up against the men it became clear to Frank what they were. It seemed these women wanted gold just as much as every other person in the place but they didn’t have to pan for it. 

Gerard followed Frank’s gaze and grimaced at the prostitutes, sighing as he grabbed Frank’s shoulder and moved him to the bar, dodging flying fists and bottles as he went. Anyone not fighting or sober enough to hold cards were gambling, some even putting down their whole days earning in the hope of doubling it or more. Gerard had never gambled in all his time here, his gold too precious to throw away like that. And he hadn’t had sex with the prostitutes either, though that was for an entirely different reason. 

“Two please.” He sighed to the bartender, sitting down on one of the stools with Frank and watching him as the younger man stared about in awe, drinking it all in silently. His eyes kept moving back to the two girls, one of whom was currently straddling a man’s lap and laughing in his ear. Her breasts were packed so tightly into her corset they looked as if they were about to bounce out at any minute, and her skirt went right up to her knee. Gerard sighed and slid one of the tankards of ale over to him when they arrived but Frank didn’t even notice.

“Like what you see?” 

Frank jumped when Gerard’s voice suddenly filtered into his mind and he turned to look at him with a guilty expression, blushing deeply at being caught and he shook his head quickly, taking the tankard of ale that looked far too big for him as he rested it in his lap.

“W –What? I... I wasn’t looking at anything.” He squeaked, biting his lip as he looked down at his drink and taped his fingers along the edge of the cup. Gerard chuckled softly and shook his head, clapping a hand onto his shoulder.

“Hey, it’s okay. You can look at the girls ya’ know, it’s what they’re here for. The other guys do a lot more than just stare so there’s nothin’ to be embarrassed about.” He smirked, Frank peeking up at him with flaming cheeks. 

Gerard could say that all he wanted, it didn’t change how embarrassed Frank felt. He hadn’t meant to make it look like he was staring at the girls... even though he had been... he certainly hadn’t been staring at them for _that_ reason. 

“Oh no I – I wasn’t! I mean... I didn’t mean to... I mean... I just...”

“Frank it’s okay!” Gerard quickly cut across him, laughing and shoving him gently. “Seriously, it’s fine. No doubt you haven’t had chance to feel the love of a woman at all during your journey, it’s understandable if you’re feeling... deprived.” He shrugged, Frank almost choking on his ale.

Yes, he supposed four months without sex would make any man desperate for the touch of a woman. And of course Frank was deprived, what man wouldn’t be? He hadn’t even been able to feel the touch of his own _hand_ for the past four months let alone anything else. But though he had slept with women before, as any man his age had, he had never really been that interested in it. He had never really felt that great satisfaction he thought you were supposed to. And though of course he had never felt the touch of a man before... he fantasised about it a lot.

Gerard leant back in his seat and sighed, forcing a warm smile as Frank continued to look mortified. Gerard felt a little worried by how embarrassed he had become, knowing that the other men in the place wouldn’t get like that. Well... clearly. One of them had already secured the highest bid and was being led upstairs by one of the girls, and he wasn’t doing it discretely either. 

Gerard watched with a small frown as he jeered and cheered, laughing and making vulgar movements with his hips all the way up the stairs. Gerard couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for the prostitute, but it was short lived as he reminded himself that she would gladly take anything he gave her for even just a tiny percentage of the amount of gold he was going to give her. It was sickening really, the way the two girls lay down for all of the men whenever a hefty amount of the yellow dust was shown. They were rich, no doubt about it, but how could they sell themselves like that? And in turn, Gerard couldn’t understand how the men were so happy to have sex with a woman who spread her legs for any man. Both girls were no doubt riddled with disease, and of course they couldn’t wash between every customer. 

Gerard felt sick just thinking about it.

Sighing, he turned back to Frank and took a sip of his ale, trying to forget about the prostitutes and focus on the young man opposite him instead. As he began talking about their days work and what Frank could expect to earn in the whole week the two men began to relax, Frank clearly relieved by the change in subject. He smiled shyly and sipped at his ale, holding the tankard with both hands as if he were a child and Gerard sighed softly. He found Frank adorable, it was true, but adorable was dangerous in a place like this. 

After a while of talking Gerard put down his third tankard of ale and announced that he was going to the outhouse. Frank nodded and bit his lip, watching Gerard walk across the busy bar and out of the back door before he looked back down at his ale and sighed. He hadn’t even finished his first tankard yet, but though he felt tense sat by himself he was having a good time just talking with Gerard. He really liked him, especially now he was getting to know more about him and he hoped the feeling was mutual. 

As he waited for Gerard to return he swung his legs happily and looked about the bar, his gaze slowly travelling round, taking in all the people before they landed on Samuel, standing a grand total of three inches away from him.

“Whoa!” Frank jumped so violently he almost slopped the rest of his ale all down himself and he blushed, biting his lip and leaning back as far as he could go as Samuel grinned at him, that gold tooth once again stealing Frank’s attention. It really was an ugly thing...

“Howdy Frankie...” Sam purred, leaning closer and resting his hands down on Frank’s thighs, making him jump and recoil in horror. “I saw you come in earlier, been waitin’ for you to come join us in a game o’ poker but you ain’t moved yet.” He chuckled, Frank trying to gently push his hands off his legs. Not only were they in a far too intimate place for his liking, Sam was also laying all his weight onto them and it hurt.

“Oh well... I’m not much of a gambler...” He mumbled, Sam laughing loudly in his face. 

“Oh I guessed you ain’t. Boy’s like you ain’t much of any good to anybody are ya’? At least... not outside certain situations...” He smirked, Frank’s eyes wide with fear and he shoved harder at Sam’s hands, trying not to show how frightened he was as he clenched his teeth.

“I don’t know what situations you’re referring to.” He said indignantly, squeaking softly as Sam lunged forward and whispered quietly into his ear.

“Situations that involve getting right down on your knees boy...” 

“Oh God...”

“Hey! Get away from him!” Frank gasped as Sam fell back so suddenly it was clear someone had pulled him, and not gently either. He was further stunned when that someone turned out to be Gerard and he covered his mouth with his hands as the handsome man threw Sam down onto a nearby table and straddled his hips, saying nothing as he began to lay into him with his fists.

“O – Oh God... Oh God, Gerard DON’T!” Frank shouted, springing to his feet and rushing forward in horror but he had barely taken two steps before the other men had let out an almighty cheer and were joining in with the scuffle. Frank fell back and stared with wide eyes, horrified as a full scale bar fight broke out. It didn’t seem to matter whether it was justified or not, and no one seemed to be on either side, they all just wanted to fight and Frank began to cry as he watched.   
“Gerard!” He shouted, terrified that his new friend was going to get hurt. Frank couldn’t understand why he had acted so violently to seeing Sam just talking to him. True, Frank had been feeling extremely uncomfortable and nervous but that didn’t mean Gerard had to cause a fight like this. He was going to end up getting hurt and then he’d be angry and Frank wouldn’t know what to do.

“GE –”

“Come on, we’re leaving.” Frank nearly had a heart attack when Gerard was suddenly beside him, grabbing hold of his arm tight and dragging him out of the tavern. The other men were still shouting and fighting, they didn’t even seem to have noticed that Gerard had disappeared from the brawl and Frank tripped obediently after him as quickly as he could; the two men leaving the tavern silently and stepping into the cool night air.

Gerard walked at a brisk pace, striding towards his cabin so fast that Frank had to jog to keep up. There were still tears on his cheeks and he whimpered softly as he ran, reaching out to grab at Gerard’s arm.

“G – Gerard, are you angry at m –”

“ARE YOU AN IDIOT FRANK!?” Frank skidded to a halt, the volume of Gerard’s voice taking him by surprise even more so than the question. Gerard had spun round to face him and his eyes were burning with rage, his lip bleeding a little and Frank felt a surge of guilt even though he knew this wasn’t his fault.

“I – I.... N – No, no I... What are you talking –”

“You can’t act like this anymore Frank! You can’t keep acting like the cute naive boy because if you do it’s only going to get you hurt!” Gerard snapped, seemingly calm enough now not to shout but he still looked angry and Frank bit his lip, tears stinging at his eyes again but he refused to cry. 

“I’m not acting like anything, I –”

“Well that’s the problem isn’t it!?” Gerard once again interrupted him, his hands waving about. “You’re _not_ acting, you really are this sweet guy and by God Frank it’s putting you in so much danger! Don’t you know what the men in there are like!?” He cried, his gaze finally locking with Frank’s and his hands shook as he pointed back at the tavern, his breath coming in short, sharp pants. 

Frank was stunned into silence, tears spilling down his cheeks. He couldn’t deny he was a little confused, he knew vaguely that the men in the tavern weren’t all nice, and he knew he was terrible at defending himself because it had always been that way but he didn’t think that put him into any real danger. He just had to avoid conflict was all.

“Frank... Those men... They’re all rough, angry, _violent_ men who know what they want and will do anything to get it.” Gerard sighed, forcing himself to calm down and he slowly ran a hand through his hair, Frank watching him with big eyes. “Listen... They... Oh God.” Gerard groaned and turned away for a moment, walking a few feet up the path before turning round and walking back, his fingers gripping at his hair. He wasn’t sure he really wanted to say this to Frank, but one more look at his innocent eyes and he knew he had no choice.

“Frankie... Those guys have been away from their wives and girlfriends for... _years_ some of them. Sure, we have the prostitutes, but that’s only two girls in a sea of all those men...” He trailed off, waiting to see if Frank caught on but he just looked blank so Gerard continued. “In a place like this... normal rules and conventions go straight out the window. These men – _all_ these men are sex deprived and desperate and _unkind_. They’ll lay with anyone who is even remotely like a woman and I hate to say it Frankie but _you_ are exactly the kinda person they’re after. Someone sweet, and naive, and _weak_. If they can’t have a female they won’t think twice before they go after you.” Gerard took a deep breath and stopped, sighing and lowering his head when Frank just stared at him with horror in his eyes.

“Look, I’m sorry Frank. But that’s just the way it is...”

“But – But I – I don’t want to be – I don’t want them to – I ... I won’t let them do that to me!” Frank eventually managed to choke out, his heart racing inside his chest and his stomach churned sickeningly. He raised his hand and clutched at his shirt over his heartbeat, leaning forward a little as he stared at Gerard. “I wouldn’t let them!”

“I know Frank but they’ll do it anyway!” Gerard snapped, growing angry again in his frustration before he once more had to force himself to calm down and he sighed, resting his hands on Frank’s shoulders. “Frank... Those men, Sam especially, will _rape you_. I can’t say it anymore plainly than that.” He whispered, searching Frank’s gaze before gently touching his cheek. “I can’t be there to protect you all the time...”

“What?” Frank breathed, taking a step back so that Gerard’s hands fell away from him and he shook his head in a daze. “I don’t want you to protect me Gerard. I’m already enough of a burden as it is without you feeling like you have to be some sort of guardian over me.” He breathed, Gerard’s face growing sad and he sighed, shaking his head in a way that made Frank feel like Gerard believed he just didn’t understand.

“I know that Frank. I just don’t want you getting hurt is all. You’re the only guy in this place that I don’t hate. It’s been a long time since I had any real company, let alone someone I could call a friend, and I don’t wanna lose that.” He sighed, Frank nodding slowly and opening his mouth to speak but Gerard cut across him. “Look, let’s just... forget it. We should be going back now anyway.” He said softly, turning round and walking back up the path as Frank stared after him with a small grimace. 

He was grateful that Gerard wanted to protect him, and of course he was now terrified that he was going to end up getting snatched up by one of the men and forced to have sex with them but... but it was still strange to him that Gerard would care so much. Especially enough to fight Sam over it. But then Frank thought back to all the men fighting in the tavern all through the evening for apparently no reasons at all and he figured he was probably just being naive again. He obviously had a lot to learn.

xXx

Gerard hadn’t said much to Frank once they had returned to the Cabin. Frank had got washed and undressed slowly, lost in his thoughts as he climbed into bed, but though he supposed he should be mulling over everything Gerard had said all he could really think about was the way Gerard had touched his cheek. How safe he had felt in that second. And how also, as much as he didn’t like to admit it, he felt a little... touched, that Gerard had fought for him. It felt... nice.

Frank had stayed silent as he watched Gerard cleaning up his cut lip, wiping the blood away from his chin and mouth, his muscles flexing in the candle light. He had taken off his shirt and was stood in front of the mirror, and Frank had got a wonderful view of his body. Gerard wasn’t extremely muscly, but all the work gold digging and panning meant he was fairly toned beneath the softness of his skin and Frank couldn’t help but admire him. 

He told himself it was nothing more than just the knowledge that Gerard was handsome. After all, you could find someone good looking without being attracted to them. And besides, Frank had only known Gerard for two days so it was hardly like he was falling for the guy. That’d be sick anyway, men shouldn’t like other men....

That’s what Frank told himself anyway. But it did nothing to explain why his cock was in his hand and it was Gerard’s face he was picturing as he jerked off as quietly as he could beneath the covers.

Once Gerard had finished cleaning himself up he had blown out the candles and crawled into bed with a gruff, emotionless ‘night’. Frank wasn’t sure how long he had been sleeping before he woke up from dreaming about the man in the bed opposite his, and he wasn’t really sure what the dream had entailed exactly; but he could make a pretty good guess from how hard his dick was. He had been mortified at first, trying to ignore it and go back to sleep but of course he couldn’t, and he couldn’t even remember the last time he had touched himself.

After he had checked as best he could in the dark that Gerard was still sleeping he had rolled over so his back faced him and slowly wrapped his hand around his throbbing erection, and so he now came to find himself pumping his fist frantically up and down his length as he panted quietly into his pillow. He was trying to be quiet, and he focused hard on keeping his movements smooth enough that he didn’t shake the covers or the bed too much. If he woke Gerard he wouldn’t know what he would do, probably just die from embarrassment. But it had been so long since he had last done this, and the feeling was so much better than he remembered that he couldn’t control himself.

He panted softly into his pillow and kept his eyes squeezed shut, curled up on his side as one hand rolled his balls in his palm and the other tugged at his length. He was oozing pre cum already and his veins seemed to be singing with the pleasure. He barely even realised he was thinking about the way Gerard’s body had looked earlier, how sinfully sexy the man had looked as he tipped his head from side to side, examining his cut lip.

Hell, in Frank’s state he was even finding the blood sexy and he thought about being able to crawl up the older man’s body... to lick the bead of blood away before stealing a heated kiss. It was so bad of him, he knew it was but he just couldn’t stop, and his lips even pouted as if he could feel Gerard’s mouth on his.

“U –Ung...” Frank buried his face into the pillow to stifle his noises as his hips bucked forward, pumping his hand faster and faster as his mind grew heavy and hazy from the pleasure. He knew he wasn’t going to last much longer but he didn’t have time to worry about it, and as his body desperately sought climax he forgot all about needing to be quiet and moved his hand even faster, the covers slipping right down his body until they were resting down his thighs and his hand was free to move over his now exposed cock. The veins were straining and pulsing as his orgasm began to build, his balls tightening and he clenched his teeth to stop himself from groaning out as his hips slammed forward into his fist and the first jets of cum spurted from the tip.

Frank gasped and hissed in pleasure, whining into his pillow as he stilled his hand and moved his hips instead, fucking into his fist as he rode through his orgasm and spilt rope after rope of his seed over his fingers and the sheets of the bed.

It lasted only a minute at most but by the time the final waves of his orgasm had died away Frank felt incredibly spent and he slumped down in the bed with a soft sigh. His hand was shaking a little as he wiped it clean on the sheets, his body trembling and he bit his lip, feeling guilt start to creep up into him. It wasn’t so much what he had just done that was the problem, but what he had _thought_ about, and he tried to block it out of mind as he pulled the sheets back up over his body.

In the bed opposite Gerard was watching him with a stunned expression, his teeth clamped over his lip as Frank pulled the covers back up over his body. Gerard had woken up for no particular reason, just wanting to turn over and go right on back to sleep when he had seen the length of Frank’s back and the soft curve of his ass on show. The moonlight filtering in through the windows had provided Gerard with the perfect silvery glow to see by and he had watched, transfixed, as Frank’s hips had shoved back and forth and his arm had moved as he clearly masturbated. When he had tensed and then convulsed gently Gerard’s stomach had flipped and he had tried to picture the way the younger man would be cumming all over his fingers...

Gerard sighed softly and turned over so his back was to Frank, squeezing his eyes shut and praying to God for the strength to ignore what he had just witnessed, ignore the aching throb between his own legs, and get back to sleep for both their sakes.


	3. 49ers 69

There was an awkward silence tainting the atmosphere as Gerard and Frank ate breakfast that morning. Neither man seemed prepared to speak or even look at the other, instead focusing only on the bread they were eating and the cups of coffee in their hands. 

Frank wondered if Gerard was still angry at him for the fight the night before. His split lip had bruised a little round the cut and Frank felt a surge of guilt every time he looked at it, even though he knew it wasn’t really his fault. It’s not like he wanted Sam to come and talk to him, and he certainly hadn’t wanted Gerard to do anything about it. 

“So erm...” Frank picked at his bread with his eyes focusing on his fingertips, trying to think of something to say that would break the silence but he came up blank. “We’ll be erm... panning again today?” He finally asked after Gerard had glanced at him for a full five minutes.

“Well... yeah. That’s what we’ll be doing every day. Except Sunday.” The older man shrugged, going back to his food and finishing his bread before putting his plate down and standing by the window to gaze out at the watery blue sky. He was tired, more so than usual. After seeing Frank’s little late night show he had been unable to get back to sleep, and it seemed Frank had had a rough night too, dark circles shading beneath his eyes.

Frank nodded silently and looked back down at his plate, feeling tired and sick and miserable. It was only his second full day here and already he was desperate to go home. Not even the thought of the gold he could get that day made him optimistic, he could only think about the slow panning process and the way his back still ached from the day before. Gerard had assured him he’d get used to it all eventually, maybe even start to enjoy it but the problem for both men was that they weren’t here for the gold. Not for themselves anyway. It made the whole prospecting business a lot tougher. But Frank couldn’t let his family down, he was their only chance.

Frank sighed and finished up his food before putting his plate down on top of Gerard’s, he then gulped down the rest of his coffee and grimaced a little at the bitterness. Or maybe he was grimacing at the way Gerard was standing with his back to him, just staring silently out the window and making Frank feel real unwelcome. He sighed as he wondered if he’d have to start getting stuff together to build his own cabin now.

“Thanks for the err... food.” Frank mumbled softly before turning round to get changed into his overalls. His stomach was still churning sickeningly and he wondered if he was actually sick for real or just worrying himself sick over the awkwardness between he and Gerard.

Gerard shrugged off the younger man’s thanks and didn’t say anything as he continued to sip at his coffee and look out the window. He felt like he should try to ease the tension in the air but all he could think about was what he had seen the night before and how dangerously close he was to getting hard again. He could hear in Frank’s voice that he was upsetting him, and he really didn’t mean to he was just so nervous that if he stopped concentrating on all the things he hated in life, then he’d end up getting a problem that would be real hard to hide. So he just thought about corpses and Sam and the prostitutes from the tavern to keep his body in check.

“Gerard... do you think I’ll get enough gold to build my own cabin soon?” Frank asked quietly as he stripped from the clothes he had been sleeping in and picked up the long sleeved, baggy white shirt he would be wearing under his overalls. 

At his words Gerard turned around and stared at him in shock, forgetting everything as he caught sight of the back of Frank’s naked body. The younger man clearly hadn’t been expecting him to turn around and so had got undressed quickly whilst Gerard wasn’t looking... but Gerard _was_ looking and God did he like what he saw.

Frank’s back was slender and toned, with that perfect little dip right down the middle. His body arched and twisted ever so subtly as he unfolded his shirt and began tugging it over his head, that forcing Gerard’s eyes down to stare at his pert little butt. His whole body was tanned and though he was short his legs and back seemed strangely long, Gerard guessed just because he was so slim. He truly was a handsome man, and for a long minute Gerard couldn’t think of what he had been meaning to say until Frank stepped into his overalls and his skin was covered up.

“I... I err... Well, yeah. Eventually. I mean you can just cut down any of the surrounding trees but... building a cabin isn’t easy, you’ll need to get a ton of guys in to help you...” He said softly, his face falling a little and he looked down at his cup. “I didn’t know you were planning to build a cabin anyway.” He mumbled, feeling almost... hurt.

“Oh well...” Frank blushed as he turned to see that Gerard had been facing him all along, though the older man was now just staring dejectedly into his mug. “I thought that maybe you’d like your space back as soon as...” He shrugged, biting his lip as Gerard looked at him in surprise.

“What? Of course not. I mean... I said to you before that I wasn’t worried about that didn’t I?” He breathed, Frank staring at him for a long moment before sighing and lowering his head.

“I know just... after last night I thought that... you just seemed so angry...” He whispered, blushing deeply at having revealed the truth like an idiot and he sighed, turning his back on Gerard again. “It doesn’t matter anyway, it was just a thought.” He mumbled mostly to himself, making his bed to try and appear busy before he jumped violently when strong arms suddenly wrapped around his waist from behind. 

“I wasn’t angry... I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.” Gerard’s voice was soft and husky in Frank’s ear and the shorter man shivered unintentionally before turning in Gerard’s arms to look at him with big eyes. Gerard gazed back steadily, offering a tiny smile. “And for the record, you need to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve.”

“But if I do that then you might not hug me.” Frank retorted without thinking, his mind just so scrambled from the warm embrace that he clearly wasn’t thinking straight. He blushed deeply and moved to pull out of Gerard’s arms when then the older man just looked shocked, but then he quickly tugged him back before he could and hugged him close.

“Well... maybe just don’t wear your heart on your sleeve around others then...” He mumbled, resting his cheek down on Frank’s hair with a small, uncertain smile. Frank too smiling shyly as he timidly laid his cheek on Gerard’s chest and closed his eyes for a moment. It was a strangely good feeling, being held like this, and Frank supposed it was just because it had been so long since he’d received any affection and he was starved of it. But deep down he wondered if maybe it just felt so good because it was Gerard... because it was the only person in this place who had accepted him so far, and without question. The only person who cared right now.

“Mm...”

“Well err... ahem...” Gerard suddenly unwound his arms from Frank and cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly as he stepped away. “We should get going. Wanna err... get a good spot.” He grunted before striding to his bed to get changed into his overalls. Frank watched him go with stunned eyes but he didn’t argue, simply nodded and turned his face away politely as his stomach quivered.

>Xgood.” He exclaimed, Frank laughing and splashing him playfully and Gerard was quick to do the same, the two chuckling and talking about how good it felt to finally get to cool down. At last the sun suddenly seemed beautiful and exciting, the day a good one whilst they were bobbing about in the cool river. Before that the sun had just been irritating and annoying, now it was wonderful, enhancing both their moods instantly. 

For a long while they simply swayed as the current pushed them about a little, chatting happily before they shared the soap and cleaned themselves of the days sweat and grime. Once they were both clean and the soap was down on one of their towels they relaxed in the shallow water, leaning back on their elbows and talking softly. 

Frank had his eyes closed as he laid in the cool water, letting the sun warm his face and throat as he listened to Gerard’s smooth voice. He wasn’t really sure what he was talking about, he was pretty sure Gerard didn’t either, it just felt nice to listen to him as he relaxed in the sun like a fat cat. 

Frank didn’t know how long they lay there, just enjoying each other’s company as they basked in the water. He only knew that he felt wonderfully serene and he was content to lie there all day and not go to the tavern at all.

Gerard too was enjoying himself immensely as he gazed at the younger man. Gerard was lying on his side in the water, and the half of him not under the cooling liquid was burning up again but he wouldn’t move whilst he had such a wonderful view. He was resting his head up on his hand and his eyes were travelling slowly up and down Frank’s body.

The water in the shallows rose up just high enough to create a thin film over the top of Frank’s body, making his nipples stand erect from the cold and his tan seem more pronounced as it shone wetly. As Gerard’s eyes slid down his body he followed the gentle slope of Frank’s belly and the thin line of hair that went down from is navel to his pubic hair. His penis was lying against his inner thigh and Gerard couldn’t stop himself from staring at it. He knew it was awful, but he wanted nothing more than to take it into his mouth and tease it into an erection. 

“-And then I decided to just leave because - .... Frankie, you look really good like that you know.” Gerard sighed, the words slipping from his mouth as he fixated on the younger man’s collar bone for a second. Frank didn’t seem to register his words at first, but then he slowly opened his eyes and turned his head to look at him. 

“Hm? Oh... I do?” He whispered, his cheeks going pink and Gerard smirked softly, giving a slow nod. 

“Mhmm... like a work of art.” He purred, and he meant it too. He wasn’t simply thinking of sex, he did honestly think Frank looked truly beautiful in that moment. He was nothing like the other men in the town. Obviously he was the youngest, and he was the sweetest. But he was more than that. He was simply... transfixing. 

“Oh... well.... thank you.” Frank mumbled, blushing deeply as he gave a shy smile, his eyebrows rising as Gerard began to shimmy closer to him. Frank considered moving away, but for some reason he just couldn’t bring himself to move. Gerard paused when he was a little closer, but not too close. He just looked like he wanted to come nearer to talk softer or something, though he didn’t say anything at all.

Frank watched him with big eyes for a long while before the tension became too much and he moved his head to look back up at the sky, closing his eyes and just trying to act as if nothing had happened. A small silence followed, Frank once again just savouring the heat from the sun on his face, assuming Gerard was doing the same thing but then all of a sudden he was snapped back into reality when a hand ever so slowly slid up his chest. 

“Hm? Gerard?” Frank slowly turned his head to look at Gerard again, his heart racing as he saw how much closer Gerard had moved since his eyes had been closed, the older man now only an inch away from him.

Gerard gazed calmly back, and though Frank’s heart had picked up dramatically in its beating he felt strangely calm. He met the older man’s gaze and bit his lip softly, Gerard watching him carefully to judge his reaction as he moved his hand over Frank’s chest under the water.

“What are you doing?” Frank asked quietly, his tone not alarmed and he closed his eyes with a soft sigh as Gerard moved his fingers curiously over one of his nipples, still pert under the cool water. Frank bit his lip and squirmed slightly, closing his eyes tighter as Gerard watched him. Once he was sure he wasn’t afraid or nervous he began to slowly circle Frank’s nipple with his fingertips, his own heart beginning to race as he took the nub between his fingers and gently rolled it beneath the water.

“Mmph...” Frank groaned inwardly and pushed his chest up, his stomach quivering. It felt so good to feel another person’s touch. He couldn’t remember the last time he had actually had any sexual contact with anyone other than himself. “Gerard... we shouldn’t...” He whispered, knowing that he should stop everything before it went too far and they did something they would both regret.

“Oh yes we should.” Gerard retorted, sighing as he dipped his head down to kiss Frank’s nipple and then suck gently on it. Within seconds what could have been considered innocent was completely wrong and Frank squeaked loudly, trying to protest and push Gerard’s head away but the man wasn’t budging. And the way the water in his mouth from the river swirled about Frank’s nipple with each tantalising suck was just too good...

“Oh God... Gerard are you insane!?” Frank gasped, trying not to give away how good it felt as blood began to rush south. “I’m not queer!”

“Oh shush Frank, yes you are and so am I. And we’re both desperate for some action and I am fed up with having you just watch me jerk off every night.” Gerard retorted a little sternly and Frank froze, sitting up a little so that Gerard moved back to look at him. 

“Y – You knew I...” Frank trailed off, his cheeks blazing red as he filled with embarrassment. Gerard smirked softly and chuckled, walking his fingers up Frank’s chest. 

“It’s okay, I watch you too.” He purred, Frank staring at him for a second before he groaned and collapsed back down onto his back, too stunned to protest. 

Truthfully, Gerard hadn’t known Frank watched him. He had been suspicious but he hadn’t been certain and now his suspicions had been confirmed he definitely wasn’t going to stop. He knew this was risky, if any of the other men found out both he and Frank would be hanged, and there were still men panning up the river who could give up from the heat and come to wash any minute now and catch them. But Gerard always had been a bit of an adrenaline junkie and it all just made the moment more exciting, he was getting hard just thinking about it. 

“Mm... Frankie, just let me make you feel good.” He sighed, hushing anymore arguments as he bent down to continue sucking and tonguing Frank’s nipple. 

Frank wanted to protest, really he did, but it was so difficult when it felt so good. He couldn’t deny he wanted this, he had dreamed about Gerard touching him like this so many times now he’d lost count. He would have been more comfortable if they were in the privacy of the cabin but he knew he should just lay back and relax before his nerves deserted him. 

Gerard sucked at Frank’s nipple as his hand teased the other, pinching and rubbing and soothing until Frank was beginning to pant a little. Gerard had never done anything with a guy before, so he wanted to really savour it. It was new and intriguing and exciting and he smiled as he kissed down Frank’s stomach to the line of hair from his navel, following it down.

“Mm... been watching you... wanted to suck you so bad...” He whispered huskily, Frank gasping and covering his eyes with the back of his hand. He couldn’t stand dirty talk, as if this wasn’t bad enough the dirty talk just made it even more obscene and even as his body responded eagerly in his head he could just picture himself swinging from that old oak tree by the noose. 

“Gerard... Jesus, don’t say stuff like that – unnn... if people hear...” He breathed; Gerard chuckling as he slowly ran his fingers over Frank’s semi.

“What? No one’s gonna hear, we’re all alone.” He assured him, looking around just in case before smiling and taking the head of Frank’s cock into his mouth, so eager to taste it. 

Frank bit back a gasp and arched his back a little, his eyes growing wide for a second before he squeezed them shut. He had had sex with women plenty of times before but none of them had ever sucked him, they were all nice girls who didn’t even consider things like that let alone do them. 

“Oh... Oh my...” He breathed, Gerard chuckling a little before he went back to suckling on just the tip of Frank’s penis. 

Gerard’s own dick was beginning to fill with blood just from the feeling of Frank’ body responding. He was sucking on the younger man like a lollipop and he could feel the foreskin drawing back, exposing the head as Frank’s length swelled with blood and extended. Gerard slid the point of his tongue along the underneath of the head and Frank gasped loudly, squeaking a little as his hips bucked and Gerard drew back for a moment with a pleased smirk. He guessed it was a sensitive spot and he moved down to do it again, Frank shivering. 

“Oh... Gerard...” He breathed, tangling his fingers into the older man’s hair as his stomach tingled pleasantly. His heart was hammering so fast in his chest he felt like he was going to have a heart attack, his fingers tangling and curling through Gerard’s damp hair as pleasure tugged like a fish hook at his abdomen and erection. 

Gerard hummed around Frank’s cock as he felt it growing in his mouth, sliding over his tongue as it filled with blood and the older man’s body responded just the same. He curled one hand round the base and smoothed his thumb over the main vein, feeling it pulse gently as his other hand slid up Frank’s inner thigh to spread his legs more. 

Frank was beyond himself as he basked in the shallow water, Gerard’s mouth hot around his erection and he was already breathing heavy, his mind in a tailspin at how good it felt. Months and months of only self induced orgasms was making it very difficult for Frank to hold back and not just explode into the older man’s mouth that second, and he groaned deep in his throat as he tried to control himself. He didn’t dare watch Gerard, knowing he’d never be able to contain himself if he did.

Gerard was moaning just as much as Frank as he suckled on his length, loving the way he felt in his mouth. The way he tasted on his tongue. He bobbed his head up and down, clamping his lips around the hardened organ to feel every inch of it as he slid up and down, rubbing his tongue against the underside as he went. He made quiet sucking noises as he got more into it, closing his eyes and humming happily. 

“Mmm...” Gerard moved up until Frank slid from his mouth with a quiet slurp and he moved his hand up to hold him steady as he dug his tongue into the tiny slit on the head, gathering up pre cum and moaning softly at the taste. 

Frank was squirming again, biting on his knuckles to stop himself from crying out as his cock twitched in Gerard’s fist. The older man was far from done though, swirling his tongue lazily around the head and making more pre cum pearl at the tip to be gathered up by his greedy tongue. He then moved his fingers aside so that he could lathe his tongue all the way down Frank’s length to his testicles before sliding back up, pressing hot, open mouthed kisses back down and then back up. He sucked gently on the underside, moved his fist to draw up the foreskin, nibbled ever so tenderly and tugged with his teeth before drawing the skin back down to kiss over the fraenulum. 

Frank’s mouth was open wide as he panted harshly, his fingers in Gerard’s hair pulling and gripping until it hurt the older man, but Gerard didn’t seem to mind at all, in fact it only spurred him on and made him drive Frank even crazier. 

Gerard dipped his head down past the base of Frank’s erection and Frank cried out in shock when he began to suck on his balls, Frank’s eyes rolling back into his head before he squeezed them shut and sobbed with how good it felt. 

“O – Oh God! Gerard... Oh...” He whimpered, bucking his hips a little as Gerard sucked hungrily at him, even moving further down to leave hickey’s on his inner thighs and Frank pulled at his hair, gritting his teeth. “G – Gerard... uunnn... please... please suck it... It hurts so bad...” He mewled, his erection throbbing painfully, red and pulsing as a bead of cum slid down the length. 

Gerard looked up and licked his lips, giving Frank a devilish smirk before he swooped down and took him into his mouth again, swallowing him down like an expert and sucking hungrily over him. Frank gasped and mewled in delight, massaging Gerard’s scalp as he felt the familiar tugging in his stomach.

“Oh... Oh yes... So close Gerard...”

“Mmm...” Gerard slid up and let Frank fall from his lips again, Frank whining in horror and looking at him with questioning, lust hazed eyes. 

“Gerard?”

“Frankie...” Gerard’s voice was strained with pain and when Frank glanced down he could see Gerard had his free hand wrapped around his own erection, squeezing to try and stop some of the pain and Frank bit his lip. “Lye on your side.” Gerard panted softly, his voice gentle but firm and Frank hesitated only a moment before rolling to lay on his side, facing Gerard. 

He watched with wide eyes as Gerard moved awkwardly on the river bed to lay on his side also, his head pointing in the same direction as Frank’s feet so that his erection was by Frank’s head. The younger man was no idiot and he got the hint. He had never considered doing things like this before, but the throb between his legs wouldn’t let him think about it before he wrapped is hand around Gerard’s erection and leant up to be able to take his cock into his mouth.

Gerard hissed with delight and gave a soft ‘mmph’, praising Frank before swallowing the younger man back down and sucking around him with even more eagerness, one of his legs bent up so that Frank could get at his erection easily. He had been slightly worried Frank wouldn’t want to do this but he seemed just as into it as Gerard was, his lack of experience meaning nothing with how eagerly and hungrily he sucked at Gerard’s length.

Frank was a little surprised by how good it felt to have Gerard’s engorged flesh between his lips and he stretched up more to fit more of him in, swirling his tongue around the head and mirroring Gerard’s actions as both men felt their orgasms building.

Frank was already far too close after all the stimulation Gerard had already given him and soon he felt the tugging in his abdomen and erection growing more insistent, his balls tightening until he couldn’t hold back anymore and he cried out around Gerard’s cock in his mouth, thrusting his hips forward as his own erection pulsed and throbbed with each rope of cum that spurted from the tip into Gerard’s waiting mouth.

Gerard groaned in delight and squeezed his eyes shut, slipping an arm under Frank’s legs to grab at his ass and drag him closer, swallowing hungrily at the cum that spilled over his tongue, the orgasm the most explosive that Frank had ever felt. He whimpered and moaned through it, sending vibrations through Gerard’s erection as his body shook and shivered.

It took Frank a long while to slump from his orgasm and he felt so incredibly spent that for a second he forgot about Gerard’s length in his mouth, but when the older man gently nudged his hips forward Frank quickly snapped back into the moment and continued with his hungry sucking. He was determined to make Gerard feel as good as he had made him and he bobbed his head quickly, grazing his teeth gently over the skin and rubbing his tongue against the vein as Gerard moaned deeply in his throat, the sound so incredibly sexy it almost got Frank hard again.

Gerard sighed and grunted softly, resting his head down in the shallow water and staring through half lidded eyes as Frank’s erection slowly softened, glistening wetly from saliva and river water, but soon he had to close his eyes completely as pleasure took over him.

“Mmph... unng... Frankie... So good at that...” He praised huskily, his hand still clamped on Frank’s firm ass, squeezing gently every few second and Frank hummed around his erection, sucking hard on the head and causing Gerard to cry out. “Oh God! Frankie... unn... That’s it... that’s it boy...” He groaned, forcing his hips not to move so that he didn’t cause the younger man to choke, but it was difficult as he felt the first waves of his orgasm take hold of him, building in his testicles before exploding through his dick and into Frank’s mouth.

“Agh! Frankie!” Gerard gasped loudly and clenched his fist, moaning softly as Frank jumped in surprise at first but quickly recovered, sucking at his tip like a straw, trying to draw the cum right out of him. 

Gerard couldn’t remember the last time he had cum so hard, his body tensed for a long while until he eventually slumped into the water and had to gently push Frank away as he continued to suckle on him, his dick over sensitized and unable to take the extra stimulation.

Frank allowed Gerard’s length to slip from his swollen lips and he sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and the two men spent a long while just lying in the water with the sun beating down on them, looking as if they were sleeping. Both felt calm and serene, content to lay there for the rest of the day but soon Gerard sat up, groaning as he stretched.

“We err... we better move...” He sighed, Frank nodding and sitting up too, rubbing his eyes and blinking in the harsh sunlight. “You ready to get out or you wanna stay in the water a little longer?” Gerard asked softly, Frank smiling as he got to his feet and gave a full body stretch right in front of the older man. 

Gerard quirked an eyebrow and smirked, Frank winking at him before giggling softly. It was unlike Frank to be so open and confident without clothes on, and he had surprised himself just as much as Gerard, but he felt happy and free as he skipped to his clothes. 

Gerard watched him with a soft smile before he sighed and got to his own feet, following Frank to the rock where their clothes were and they got dried and dressed in amicable silence, keeping their hands and glances to themselves, acting just like they usually did in case anyone came by and saw them.


	4. Us

Neither man spoke of what had happened at the river as they got ready for bed that night. They had been to the tavern and tried to hold a conversation amidst all the shouting and fighting going on but all it had done was give them both a headache to return to the cabin with.

It wasn’t much different to all the other nights that had passed. Except this time Frank knew he wouldn’t have to try and relieve all his sexual tension in a secret masturbating session, and even better... He knew that Gerard liked him more than just a roommate and a friend. At least... he hoped Gerard did, or he had just done something unforgivable in the eyes of God for no real reason.

Frank had been thinking a lot about what they had done, and he supposed he should be pleased they hadn’t done more. This at least could be forgiven, if he prayed and repented hard enough. But the terrible thing about it was, was that every time he looked at Gerard his heart gave a weird little skip in his chest and his stomach fluttered strangely. He supposed he should pray and seek forgiveness but it wasn’t a burning desire. The only burning desire he felt right now was for the older man who was the only person who cared about him in this place. And in turn, Gerard was the only person Frank cared about in this God forsaken town.

Frank finished stripping of his clothes and crawled into his bed, the night still too hot for sleeping in any clothes so both men were opting to sleep naked. Frank pulled the sheets up to his waist but could bear to pull them no further, his skin warm and the room almost suffocating although all the windows were open and had been all day.

Gerard glanced over at Frank once he had crawled into his own bed and he bit his lip. He wondered if the shorter man was ever going to talk about what they had done. Gerard certainly didn’t regret it and he didn’t want it to cause awkwardness between them. But then he had been the one to instigate it so there was a large chance Frank had just been swept up in the heat of the moment and now he was thinking rationally again he had realised how awful what happened was.

Gerard was silent for a moment, Frank making idle small talk about the heat though he was mostly just talking to himself and the tension grew. Gerard didn’t want it to get any worse so he sighed and swallowed his pride, figuring he’d have to be the first to mention that forbidden subject.

“Frankie, about today... at the river...” He began, waiting until Frank rolled onto his side to face him, nodding quietly to show he was listening and following. His cheeks had gone a little pinker and Gerard knew he was blushing. “I just wanted to ask if you... ya’ know... regret it?” He asked ever so softly, Frank biting his lip and picking at his sheets silently. 

For a long moment Frank didn’t say anything, just thinking about it all to himself. He knew he should regret it. His mother and grandmother would die if they knew what he had done, and his faith was only too clear on what the rules of homosexuality were. Not to mention the fact if any of the other men in the town found out then he and Gerard would both be hung without trial. But... for whatever reason, though Frank didn’t really know why, he just didn’t regret it. Gerard just seemed so sweet and genuine; Frank knew he hadn’t been just using him. It had been a mutual need to work out their sexual tension and clearly they were attracted to each other. Frank knew he was wrong to think it but... he felt like it was just... natural.

“No...” He eventually whispered, meeting Gerard’s gaze again and biting his lip. “No I... I don’t regret it. Do you?”

“No.” Gerard said instantly without hesitation, shrugging and grinning a little as Frank smiled. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time now... You’re very handsome Frank.” He said softly, Frank smiling more and blushing deeply as he bowed his head and shrugged.

“Thanks... So are you...” He mumbled, sighing and waiting a moment before looking back at the older man. “That’s not the only reason you did it, is it?” He asked eventually and Gerard quirked an eyebrow, shrugging.

“I... I dunno. What other reasons would I have?” He asked uncertainly, nervous as he wondered what Frank was trying to ask him. 

Frank blushed more and shrugged, avoiding Gerard’s gaze as he answered. “Well I just mean... I mean... I dunno. I guess I just wondered if you only think I’m handsome and that’s why you did stuff or because... I don’t know.” Frank sighed, shaking his head and feeling stupid as he found he was unable to explain the way he felt... The worries he had. “It doesn’t matter. Just forget I said anything.” He whispered, Gerard shaking his head as he realised what Frank had been trying to ask but had turned out to afraid to do so.

“I do care about you Frankie, if that’s what you mean.” He smiled, shaking his head fondly and sitting up on his elbows as Frank looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. “I wasn’t just using you. You should know that already, we’re friends aren’t we?” He chuckled and Frank nodded, smiling warmly and Gerard shuffled right up to the wall in his bed, patting the space beside him. “Won’t you come and lie with me?” He asked gently and Frank stared at him in surprise for a moment before he nodded.

“O – Okay...” He smiled, sliding out of bed and padding naked across the room to Gerard’s, hiding his manhood with his hands despite everything and Gerard chuckled, finding it adorable as Frank slid into the bed beside him.

It was a tight squeeze due to the size of the bed but once Gerard had wrapped his arms around Frank and laid him half on his chest, their legs tangled; there was just enough room to fit them both in. 

“Mm...” Frank sighed and smiled in contentment, his heart fluttering as he laid down on Gerard’s warm, toned chest and laid his cheek down over his heartbeat, feeling so happy in his arms. It made him feel... almost like he was back home. That wonderful, warm, happy feeling he hadn’t felt since being in Jersey and he pressed closer to the older man. 

“Just so you know... I care about you too...” He whispered shyly and Gerard smiled wide, kissing the top of Frank’s head.

“I know... It makes me glad.” He whispered back, smiling as Frank did and for a pleasant moment both men were silent, just savouring the moment they knew shouldn’t be allowed but felt so good. It had been such a long time since either had felt any real affection and just lying in bed, holding onto one another was exactly what the doctor ordered. 

For a long while they just lay quietly together, and Frank knew for certain that he was right not to regret anything. Maybe it was just because they were in this place... in this town. This whole situation could make any man crazy and considering everything Frank felt wanting another man was hardly the worst thing he could want. After all, he could just as easily become a thief or a murderer or a rapist. God only knew there was plenty of that sort in Hangtown and if all he and Gerard were doing was making each other happy then what was the problem? 

“Mm... you know... it’s weird...” Frank whispered dreamily, his eyes closed as he breathed in Gerard’s musky, warm scent and the older man cracked open his eyelids to peer down at him.

“Hmm? What’s that?” He asked, smiling softly when Frank tipped his face up to look back at him, his hazel eyes sparkling.

“Well... after what we did today. It’s just... weird we went that far, but we’ve never even kissed. It feels like we skipped all the formalities.” He giggled and Gerard chuckled heartily, kissing the top of Frank’s head as he thought about it. He supposed Frank was right, but at the time he had just been so eager to go down on him that he hadn’t even thought about kissing.

“Well... I’m not really a formal kinda guy.” He shrugged, smiling as he gently cupped one hand round the bottom of Frank’s jaw and cheek. “But... I could kiss you anyway, if you like.”

Frank gazed steadily up at Gerard, searching his eyes for a moment as his heart fluttered even more than his stomach. It was a strange, almost drunken feeling and he felt a little lightheaded as he smiled shyly.

“I... I would like that... if you’d... you know... want to...” He whispered and Gerard smiled warmly, turning so he was more on his side and he drew Frank closer to him, his eyes flicking down to gaze at his lips and then back into his eyes. Now he was thinking about it, he really did want to kiss Frank. He couldn’t think of why he hadn’t considered it before.

“You know something Frankie? I really, really would like that.” He whispered, making the younger man’s face light up he smiled so big and he sighed, his eyes falling closed as soon as he saw Gerard leaning closer. 

It was barely a second before their lips touched, but to Frank it felt like a century and then at long last he could feel them, Gerard’s soft, warm lips pressing softly against his own; slightly pouted, slightly parted, so that their lips locked together and sealed tight.

Frank sighed ever so softly and wound his arms around Gerard’s neck, smiling when he felt the older man’s strong arms circle his waist and keep their bodies pinned together. For a moment they keep their lips still, just feeling the way their mouths fit together so perfectly before Gerard began to work his lips slowly against Frank’s, feeling lightheaded as his heart beat frantically in his chest.

Their lips moved slowly at first, just finding a rhythm and getting used to the feel of the others lips pressed on their own. Frank felt like he couldn’t breathe as he wound his fingers into Gerard’s hair and gripped tight, pulling gently at the dark locks to get the older man ever closer, to feel their lips tighter together. It was like he was trying to sink right into his skin. 

Gerard’s hands were clutching tight to Frank’s hips, their bodies pressed so tight he could feel each ragged breath they took as their chests expanded and retracted out of sync. 

As they grew more used to the kiss it grew deeper, their lips meshing and moving faster for a long while until Gerard pushed his tongue into Frank’s mouth, their lips parted so their tongues could touch and entwine. They were breathing heavily as they gripped at one another’s hips and hair, legs tangling and lips frantically ravaging as they grew lost in the heat of the moment.

Frank was the first to break, pulling away from Gerard’s lips and tilting his head back as he breathed heavily. His eyes were still closed and he could feel Gerard watching him, the older man’s soft panting making Frank feel even hotter. He slowly bowed his head forward, touching his forehead to Gerard’s and opening his eyes to look at him for a moment. The two men shared a warm smile and then kissed softly again, a little cooler now they had stopped for a moment.

Frank felt strange when they broke for the second time. All giddy and dizzy like he had been holding his breath for too long. He looked at Gerard through slightly closed eyes and sighed dreamily. Gerard chuckled and pecked his lips once more before just holding him gently to his chest, laying his cheek on his hair and breathing in the scent that was all Frankie. He smelt like tobacco and black coffee and the cheap soap they had to use. But behind all that was a warm, musky scent, masculine yet somehow sweet and Gerard felt so intoxicated.

“Mmm... There, we’ve kissed now. Are you happy?” Gerard asked playfully and Frank smirked, hiding his face in the older man’s chest and nodding with a grin.

“Mhmm... Are you?” He whispered and Gerard nodded with a genuine smile.

“Of course I am...” He sighed, so happy in that moment he could just sing. He knew it was wrong but yet somehow it just felt so _right_ to hold Frank in his arms. He didn’t care that they could get hanged for this; no one was going to find out anyway. He knew they had been reckless earlier, and he knew that it was his fault. But he wouldn’t do something like that again; it was just the heat of the moment taking him. From now on he knew they’d have to keep this strictly to the cabin. It had to be kept secret. A precious, delicate thing that would shatter if anyone else was to know of it; they would have to protect it with their lives.

“We need to get to sleep Frankie... Gotta... get back to work in the morning...” Gerard sighed, only a little tired but the heat of the cabin and the intoxicating feeling of Frank in his arms made the prospect of sleeping unattractive. But he liked the idea of trying to pan for gold all day with no sleep to fuel him even less so he closed his eyes and tried to relax.

Frank nodded on his chest and snuggled down obediently, one hand resting on Gerard’s chest as he yawned and laid a gentle kiss to the older man’s skin. Gerard had already learnt that Frank could sleep through anything, and even with the cabin so stiflingly hot the younger man was soon snoring softly, sounding almost like a kitten purring as he got swept away by dreams.

Gerard watched him for a short moment, just smiling to himself and playing with his silky hair as his heart hammered erratically. He wondered briefly if there was something wrong in his head for feeling so attracted to another man, but it was only thoughts he felt conditioned to think. And in the end, he had no care for them so he pushed them out of mind, pressed a tender kiss to Frank’s forehead, and closed his eyes again until eventually he too fell into a deep slumber.

xXx

Frank, for once, was the first to wake up. After months of getting up at the same time every day except Sunday’s he had conditioned his body to wake at six am sharp and today was no different. 

It was already quite sunny outside when Frank slowly opened his eyes and lifted his head just an inch off Gerard’s chest to gaze around. The light filtering through the ratty old curtains was bright but not blindingly so, so Frank knew it was still early. He could hear the river bubbling away in the distance, mingling with Gerard’s quiet breathing. There was a slight breeze lifting the curtains and the cabin was reasonably cooler than it had been in the night, so Frank hoped the day would be easier for them than the day before.

Not that he hadn’t enjoyed the day before...

Frank glanced at Gerard and sighed dreamily, laying his head back down on his chest as he lifted his eyes to gaze up at his sleeping face. It was odd for Gerard to be asleep after Frank had woken up and the younger man intended to make the most of it. Maybe it was earlier than usual if Gerard was still asleep and they’d have a little extra time to just... wake up nicely. 

Frank stroked the fingertips of one hand over Gerard’s smooth, pale chest and bit his lip as his skin tingled pleasantly. He was watching the older man intently, careful not to wake him just yet as he trailed his hand down. Spending the night naked in each other’s arms hadn’t left either of them unaffected, and though Frank knew waking up with an erection was hardly anything new for any man, it did provide far too much of a good invitation for Frank to resist. And Gerard wasn’t going to complain, surely.

Frank smirked a little as his heart skipped a beat, excited and a little nervous from his own devious behaviour as his hand dipped down past Gerard’s flat stomach and traced the contours of his hip bones for a moment. It wasn’t like Frank to do things like this; but then again, he reasoned, he had hardly had many opportunities and so how did he know that this was outside his usual characteristics? Surely anyone in this position would do the same thing, or at least be tempted by it. And at least with a man he was more certain not to be shoved away and accused of rape like he might if it was a woman. Women are tetchy creatures after all, you never can tell when they want or don’t want sex.

But Gerard evidently wanted sex. Or his body did at any rate. And Frank wasn’t even going to have sex with him, he was just going to help sort out his morning wood was all, and isn’t that really what friends are for?

Frank giggled to himself at the thought, quickly covering his mouth with his free hand to stop himself. Sometimes he let his mind runaway with him and he thought absurd things, and the situation was making him so nervous he was worse than usual. But he forced himself to focus and not get jittery as he slid his hand down past Gerard’s hardened penis to gently cup his balls.

Gerard sighed and fidgeted a little in his sleep, his lips pouting as his eyebrows pulled together into a frown for a second before he relaxed again and turned his face to press into the pillow. His arms were still wrapped loosely around Frank, and his pretty pink lips were parted in his sleep. Frank thought he looked amazing, and being able to think such a thing only spurred the younger man on.

Now he was letting himself just admit what he wanted he was definitely going to take advantage of it. He may not have been about to go dancing along the rooftops shouting out that he liked men, but he was at least going to explore these new sexual horizons as much as Gerard would let him. 

And he got the feeling Gerard would let him do anything he pleased.

Frank sighed and smiled, resting his cheek against Gerard’s chest and breathing in his musky scent and pressing tiny, sleepy kisses to the skin. His hand on Gerard’s balls began to slowly caress them, keeping his touch light and gentle so as not to wake the sleeping man too soon. He wanted to take a moment to just enjoy himself and get Gerard all worked up before letting him awaken, but at the same time he didn’t want to do anything too heavy in case he was wrong and Gerard didn’t want this.

Frank watched the older man carefully as he fondled his testicles and stroked one finger over his perineum, not going any further though as his heart gave a little jolt of fear and excitement. It was stretching the boundaries only a little but it was just enough, and it seemed Gerard was only too aware of it.

“Mmph... Mm... F – Frankie?” Gerard’s voice came out as a low growl as he rubbed his eyes and yawned, blinking sleepily in the light coming through the gap in the curtains. Frank moved his hand up to lay gently over the base of his shaft but he didn’t move it anymore, just watched Gerard for a reaction. 

Gerard didn’t take long to notice what the throb between his legs was, it was hardly a new sensation, but he wasn’t used to it being paired to Frank’s hand. He looked down only for a second, the blankets pushed away sometime in the night from the heat and he had a clear view of Frank’s tanned fingers resting over the bottom of his erection. He quickly looked to Frank’s face, the younger man showing no emotion and just waiting calmly for Gerard’s response.

Gerard, for a moment, didn’t quite know how to react. His heart was beginning to race and his stomach quivered with excitement, a strange sort of satisfaction taking over him as he smirked at Frank.

“Well, well... Someone looks happy to see me.” He purred, flicking his eyes over Frank’s own erection that was curving up towards his stomach. The younger man blushed a moment but flashed a toothy grin at Gerard, shrugging and giving his shaft a little squeeze to make him gasp.

“Same to you.” He giggled, Gerard smirking back at him and nodding as his teeth bit down on his lower lip for a second. Frank had begun to drum his fingertips along the length of his shaft and he realised how very aroused he really was. He glanced down at his throbbing length and then back at Frank, reaching out a hand to stroke Frank’s arm.

“And is that your doing?” He asked, half seriously and half playfully. Frank tried to look innocent but it didn’t last long before he gave a guilty shrug.

“Only a little... you were already hard I just... wanted to play a little...” He mewled, drawing patterns on the underside of Gerard’s cock as he gave the puppy dog look he had perfected way back when he was a child. “Mmm?” 

Gerard’s stomach quivered at Frank’s faux innocent look and he groaned quietly, growling in the base of his throat as he tipped his head back and relaxed into the sheet, spreading his legs slightly to invite Frank to continue.

“In that case... play all you like.” He purred and Frank beamed, leaning over him to steal a grateful kiss before he wrapped his fingers around Gerard’s shaft and began to pump his fist slowly over the engorged flesh.

Gerard sighed and closed his eyes, feeling a little dizzy at such a strange, but not unwelcome, wake up call. He had no idea what time it was or whether they would be late getting to the river, but he didn’t really care. What was missing out on just a few minutes of panning if he could get to be like this with Frank? He sighed softly and gave quite growls of appreciation, spurring Frank on as the younger man kept a teasingly slow pace, watching Gerard all the time.

Frank moved his hand slowly over Gerard’s erection, getting used to the feeling of another man’s dick in his hand. He made sure to do all the things he knew he himself liked, swiping his thumb over the head and scratching ever so gently over the main vein. He gripped tight enough to move the foreskin back and forth with each pump of his hand and he was rewarded by gentle throbs and twitches against his palm as Gerard’s body responded in the most delicious of ways.

Frank soon moved his gaze down to watch as he teased Gerard, learning what he liked and staring mesmerized at his leaking erection as if he had never seen anything like it before. He was fascinated by what he could make it do, his mouth watering with each visible throb, the head seeming to pulse every now and then as blood gushed through it. Pre cum made a small pearl in the slit and Frank watched with intrigue as he gathered it up with his thumb and smoothed it down over the swollen head, moving his thumb away slowly so that it stuck to his skin a little, making a small string of stickiness before it snapped. Frank soon forgot about making Gerard feel good and just got entranced like he was playing with a brand new toy.

Gerard in turn was watching Frank, a fond smile on his lips as he saw the fascinated way Frank was watching him. The things he was doing was driving Gerard crazy with need, it all feeling so good but just not enough. He was doing his best to control himself, wanting Frank to be able to have this chance to just explore his body and discover what he liked, to get used to the fact that in time they were surely going to know each other’s bodies very well. He too hoped that he would be able to explore Frank in the same way, to get up close and personal and gaze intently at his manhood as if he had never seen a dick before. It wasn’t the same as knowing his own penis, it was entirely different and he sighed, reaching forward to gently wrap his fingers around Frank’s erection and snap him back into reality.

Frank gasped when all of a sudden Gerard began stroking at his erection and he looked at him with parted lips, eyes shiny like glass from lust. Gerard gave him that adorable, lopsided grin and Frank smiled back, his stomach muscles tensing and quivering as his hips pushed forward into Gerard’s hand of their own accord. Frank had been concentrating so hard on Gerard that he hadn’t realised how desperate he was for the other man’s touch and now he had it he just wanted more.

“Gee...”

“Mmm?” Gerard smiled and wrapped his other arm around Frank’s waist, tugging him closer and Frank automatically lay down on top of Gerard, both men moving their hands away as their erections pressed together. Almost in sync their erection’s throbbed and Frank hissed in delight, Gerard growling and grabbing the back of Frank’s neck to pull him into a searing kiss.

“Mmph... Mm... Frankie...” Gerard wrapped his arm tighter around Frank’s waist so that he could suddenly flip them over, Frank squeaking into his mouth and kissing him with more passion as he wrapped his legs around Gerard’s hips.

The intimate hold was almost too much to bear and for a blinding moment Gerard thought about doing the unthinkable, of thrusting into Frank and actually being _inside_ him. He knew in that second it would inevitably happen but then sense wormed its way back to the forefront of his mind and he knew it could not happen yet. Not whilst this was so new and dangerous. 

“Gee... Ger – rard... Mmm... Unn, God... please...” Frank had clearly lost all his sense already as he thrust his hips up repeatedly, causing their erections to slide together for only a tantalising second at a time before his hips would drop back down and he would eagerly thrust them back up again. 

Gerard was quick to catch on and he smothered Frank’s lips with his own, kissing him fiercely but still gently as he brought his hips down whenever Frank’s fell, elevating them whenever Frank thrust up so that the friction between their cocks was kept consistent, his tongue forcing its way into Frank’s mouth as one hand gripped his thigh and the other rested against the side of his neck and pulled at his hair. 

The moment was heated and desperate, their hips pushing and shoving along with their tongues as they moaned freely into each other’s mouths. It was all unadulterated lust fuelling their fire, sparking their passion and fogging their brains, but that was all it needed to be. Their erections were weeping pre cum and making their movement’s slick, their cocks slid apart a few times and it became harder to keep them together, frustration bubbling in Frank’s stomach as he sought his climax.

“Unn... Nggh... Ah!” Frank laid a hand at the side of his erection and Gerard did the same to his own, managing to keep them in line so that they stayed pressed together as they moved their hips. As soon as they found the perfect rhythm it was all over very quickly, the cum lubricating their movements and causing their pleasure to rise out of control began to run freely if slowly, and they kissed each other hungrily as their hips began to move out of time. 

Gerard was the first to finish, his hips jolting and pressing down as he came hard over Frank’s cock and stomach, Frank crying out at the sensation of Gerard’s cum spilling over his own throbbing length and he soon joined him. Gerard’s dick was twitching weakly as the final drops of cum were squeezed from the tip by his shaking hand, his teeth clamping down on Frank’s lower lip and pulling gently as the younger man moaned loudly through his own orgasm. Gerard decided he loved how explosive Frank was when he came, the cum spurting from the tip all over his own chest and stomach for a long moment before he collapsed back into the sheets and slumped, feeling boneless.

Gerard slowly opened his eyes and looked down at the younger man, weakly kissing his lips one last time before he collapsed beside him and tangled their legs. 

Both men felt dizzy and spent, Frank the first to start laughing but it wasn’t long before they were both chuckling breathlessly and smirking at each other. It all seemed so frenzied now they were calmed and Gerard hoped it wouldn’t be the last time they allowed their lust to overtake them, but he also hoped there would be times where they would slow down and really feel one another.

Frank smiled drunkenly and gently touched Gerard’s cheek when the older man suddenly gained a faraway look in his eyes, stroking his cheek gently with his thumb as he asked,

“What you thinkin’ about?” 

Gerard snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Frank for a long moment before he slowly smiled and kissed his nose, making Frank giggle.

“Just... us.”

“Us?” Frank asked, tipping his head to the side and smiling gently to show it was okay, inviting Gerard to carry on.

“Yeah... I... I dunno if that’s the right word. You think we’re an ‘us’ now?” He asked softly and Frank blushed deeply, his heart missing a beat. Was Gerard asking him to be his girlfriend? He supposed it was only right of him, no one ever did what they did without at least being an official couple. But really such things weren’t acceptable unless you were married... but Frank supposed it was silly to think people never had sex out of marriage. He had, hadn’t he? And besides, he and Gerard hadn’t had sex. Plus, they were a specialist case since nothing about them could ever be deemed acceptable thanks to them both being men.

“Frankie?” Gerard looked nervous when Frank didn’t answer and the younger man blushed, quickly trying to work out what he thought as he got lost in Gerard’s gaze. 

“Oh I... Well... I dunno. I don’t think we can ever be an ‘us’ since we... well, we can’t ever really be officially together.” He sighed, grimacing as his heart ached painfully. Gerard too looked miserable at his words and Frank ached to take them back. “But saying that,” He quickly continued, “I would really like us to be an... us.” He mumbled, feeling stupid but then Gerard’s smile made it all worth it. 

“I mean, who cares if we have to keep this secret, I don’t want to think that we’re only doing this because we have nothing better.” Frank quickly continued. “I don’t think any woman would be able to make me feel like you just did.” He whispered and Gerard positively beamed at him, pulling him into a tight hug and kissing him warmly.

“Mmm.... Oh Frankie, I feel the same.” He grinned when they pulled apart, their smiles matching. “Of course it’ll have to be secret but as long as _we_ know we’re something more than friends then that’s fine with me.” He sighed, smiling warmly for a moment before he realised how he was sticking to Frank and he slowly leaned back, groaning at the way the cum on their chests and stomachs stuck and pried apart slowly. 

“Eugh.” Frank giggled, wrinkling his nose up and shoving Gerard away lightly before sliding out of bed. “Enough of this lovey dovey talk, we need to get cleaned up.” He smirked, Gerard nodding his agreement and grimacing at the cum drying on his skin as he followed Frank to the wash bowl to clean themselves up. 

As they wiped the evidence of their satisfaction away from their bodies they shared playful grins and warm smiles, meeting in a tender, heart stopping kiss that showed only their care for one another rather than their lust. They then ate breakfast naked on the bed, Frank curled up in Gerard’s lap as they shared the bread and coffee before reluctantly getting dressed and leaving the cabin with their panning gear to face the day.

It felt strange walking up to the river in the sunlight and acting as if everything was just normal. Frank felt almost as if everyone knew what they had done, as if they could smell it on them as they walked by. Sam certainly stared at them, but Frank didn’t know whether he was staring more than usual or whether he was just being paranoid. Gerard didn’t seem to notice, in fact he was so casual Frank half wondered whether had imagined it all... But when they sat down at their usual spot Gerard smiled warmly at him and Frank knew it had indeed happened and he beamed back.

“Well well well.” Sam called from at the top of the river, raising his voice to make sure everyone in proximity could hear him. “Looks like we got a storm a brewin’ boys.” 

Frank looked up at him at those words, and though there were indeed dark clouds far out in the distance, it wasn’t those Sam was looking at, his bloodshot eyes drilling holes into Frank instead.


	5. Acid rain

The day was hot, but much more suffocating than the past days. The heat was not as extreme, but Frank felt as if he could barely breathe as he panned for gold with Gerard. 

The storm clouds in the distance were steadily creeping closer as the day progressed, and all of the men kept glancing at them with looks of mixed disdain and hope. No one really wanted the rain to be too bad, the heat had dried the ground so much the approaching storm would create a mud bath and possibly flood the river; but at the same time they were all so hot and run down they were in dire need of a refreshing downpour. 

As everyone worked the area was oddly quiet, nobody really speaking as they just got on with their panning. The river was bubbling away like usual, but the general atmosphere was one of lethargy and bad tempers. The heat was getting to them all it seemed... all except three men.

Frank was still feeling giddy from his delicious morning with Gerard. He couldn’t stop thinking about his body and how mesmerising it had been to get a real good look at him. Exploring Gerard, he decided, was his new favourite thing and he planned to do it many more times. 

Gerard too, was still feeling relaxed and tingly from his wake up call. He couldn’t stop himself from glancing at Frank every now and then, the desire to just pounce on him so strong it was any wonder he hadn’t given into the temptation yet. 

Then of course, there was Sam.

For some reason, Sam seemed to be in a very bright mood, smirking and humming to himself as he panned further upstream to Frank and Gerard. He hadn’t spoken since his comment about the storm, but Frank could sense him glancing over at him every now and then and it was making him feel uncomfortable. 

Frank slowly looked out the corner of his eyes up at Sam, finding that he was looking at him again. His gaze made Frank’s skin crawl, his eyebrows raised and his lips curved up into a devilish smirk. Frank couldn’t tell whether he knew something or whether he was planning something... but neither seemed good. 

“Gee.... Sam keeps looking at me...” Frank whispered after a moment, Gerard nodding and not looking at him as he continued shaking his pan in a few inches of river water.

“I know...” He whispered back, careful to make sure no one overheard them. “Just ignore him. It’s nothing.” He purred, knowing that Sam often did this sort of thing. There had been sweet, naive young men here before whilst Gerard had been here and Sam had often made them leave. No one really paid any attention to it, acting as if they didn’t notice, but there had been many a man who had left due to Sam’s glances and sometimes even more than that...

Sam was one of the most intimidating men in the town, no one messed with him. He always had a lot of gold, and no matter whether he was drunk or sober he was always up for a good bar fight. He had slept with the prostitutes more than any of the men... but Gerard knew he had slept with plenty of the young men who had been here too. He supposed some of the other men were suspicious about it, but if suspicions grew too high then Sam would be quick to accuse the poor sods he forced himself onto for hitting on him and they would soon be swinging from the old oak tree...

Gerard shuddered softly and bit his lip, his stomach churning sickeningly. It was a dog eat dog world in this town, and Sam was practically king. Unless someone actually saw him sleeping with a man then no one would have the guts to try and overthrow him, and Gerard knew that if he managed to sink his claws into Frank it would be disastrous. 

“Just keep working.” He whispered to Frank as he continued to look nervous and the shorter man sighed, looking at him a second before nodding and doing as he was told.

Frank may be naive but he wasn’t stupid, and Gerard knew that he was aware that Sam was up to something. But Gerard only hoped he would be able to somehow protect Frank. He didn’t want him to leave because of Sam, and he certainly didn’t want him getting hanged. 

It didn’t even bear thinking about.

He slowly glanced up at Sam as Frank got busy panning in the river, and Gerard scowled when he saw Sam was still staring at the younger man, his watery blue eyes sparkling dangerously in the dying sunlight.

xXx

Frank sighed as he collapsed back onto his bed and kicked off his boots with a small groan. He and Gerard had been panning all day, much later than usual to make up for the time they had missed out on the day before and he felt exhausted.

Thunder was beginning to rumble in the distance, the sky overhead by now completely black. All of the men had stayed late on the river but the usual gentle walk back to the cabin had become a frenzied jog as everyone rushed to get under cover before the storm hit. 

Despite the awkward day what with Sam’s glances and the humidity in the air both Frank and Gerard had managed to get a lot of gold and they smiled at each other as they poured the yellow grains of hope into glass bottles. 

Every time Frank watched the bottles filling with his day’s earnings he would think about his mother and grandmother, how wonderful it was going to be when he finally had enough gold to go home and support them both. And he knew that Gerard too would gaze dreamily at his own earnings and think about his sick brother who desperately needed every last bit of wealth Gerard could offer him. 

The older man had a lot more gold than Frank did from his year of already panning here, but he still needed more. Though Frank imagined it wouldn’t be much longer before he had enough to go home and as much as Frank was happy for him... he dreaded the day he would be left here alone.

“Right, a new food supply arrived this morning. I’m gonna go stock up on provisions for us – you staying here?” Gerard smiled once he had stripped of his working clothes and changed into some fresh ones. Frank glanced at him and smiled softly, yawning a little.

“Will you be okay on your own?” He asked softly and Gerard chuckled, pulling on his boots.

“Of course I will. I won’t be long. Get some water on the boil and I’ll make a stew when I get back.” He smiled; Frank nodding and watching him go with a dreamy smile.

When Gerard opened the door a gust of violent wind blew inside, the curtains fluttering and Frank shivered, looking out in concern at the churning black clouds filling the sky, but Gerard didn’t seem fazed at all as he stepped out of the cabin and shut the door behind him. 

Gerard sighed and huddled into his shirt, wandering through the dust roads between the cabins as he made his way to the small wooden building where all the food brought to the town was stored. He had a small pouch of gold that he and Frank both contributed to with which to buy provisions with and he made a mental list of what they needed as he walked.

He glanced up at the sky and bit his lip, knowing it wouldnt be long before the rain began to fall. Bolts of lightning were already flashing on the horizon, and the wind that was howling was cold and biting. 

Gerard quickened his pace as men around him rushed to the tavern to get under cover for the night. No amount of bad weather was going to stop them from getting drunk as usual and Gerard knew the whores would be in for a lot of gold tonight. It sickened him to think about it and he scoffed to himself, dodging through a stream of the older men to move down another path and jog to the supplies cabin.

Once inside he shivered a little and rubbed his arms, looking about as he stepped up to the counter. Ben was the man who gathered all the food and essentials from the passing wagons and he weighed out the gold and the provisions for all the other men. Gerard didn’t know if he kept the gold or not, he wasn’t sure how it all worked but it didn’t really matter.

“Evenin’ Gerard.” Ben greeted from behind the counter, putting down the little block of wood he was carving a figurine out of with his pocket knife. “Looks like we’re in for a rough night.” He commented as he got to his feet and Gerard nodded, pulling the pouch of gold from inside his shirt.

“Sure does, thought I’d get some stuff quick before it hits.” He agreed, Ben grabbing a small sack from under the counter and laying it down with a smile.

“So, what’ll it be?” He asked, Gerard listing out everything he wanted and Ben danced back and forth, grabbing the items from the shelves behind him, weighing them out and putting them all into their separate paper bags except for the coffee which Gerard bought a whole small crate of. So he was addicted, it wasn’t the worst poison he could choose to live by. 

“That all?” Ben smiled as he finished packing everything into the sack and Gerard nodded, handing him the pouch of gold.

“Thanks Ben.” He grinned, Ben chuckling as he carefully weighed out the tiny gold nuggets on his scales. He was the best man for this job really, he was middle aged, strong and witty but also honest. He had never scammed any of the men or cheated them out of their gold like many would have done in his position; he was one of the few men Gerard respected in this town.

“Right... that should do it.” Ben smiled, handing the pouch back, still half full and Gerard thanked him again as he placed it back in his shirt and picked up the sack.

“Be sure to get back to your cabin soon then Benjamin, this old place probably won’t stand in the winds it looks like we’re expecting.” Gerard sighed, Ben chuckling as he nodded, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, and I don’t I know it. I’ll be sure to move on soon.” He promised, Gerard tipping an imaginary hat to him with a laugh before he said his goodnights and turned to leave. 

Just as he reached the door it suddenly swung open, Sam appearing in the doorway and striding straight into the room with a devilish smirk. He looked Gerard up and down as he barged past him, Gerard scowling and hitching the sack further up into his arms before he continued onward, but Sam turned and stopped him.

“See you’re still sticking to that same spot at the river then Gerard.” He drawled, Gerard rolling his eyes and scowling at him out the corner of his eyes.

“That a problem?”

“When are you gonna learn it’s no use boy? The top of the river is where all the gold is.” Sam laughed huskily and Gerard shrugged, holding his head high as he turned towards the door again.

“I’ll bear that in mind.” He scoffed, Sam striding forward and gripping Gerard’s arm. “Hey! Let go of me!” Gerard snarled, yanking out of his grip and Sam laughed loudly, Ben watching from the counter.

“You’re only making life harder for yourself. And that man of yours.” He smirked, Gerard bristling as he glared at the taller man.

“Man of mine?” He repeated icily, Sam grinning deviously.

“Ya’ know. Frankie. Follows ya’ round like a little lost puppy, ain’t ya’ noticed?” He purred, leaning in close so that Gerard could smell the tobacco on his breath, making his stomach churn. “Awfully close, ain’t cha? And just when we was all thinkin’ you were a recluse.” He chuckled, Gerard staring steadily back at him.

“Frank and I are friends. He’s about the only man in this place who isn’t completely deranged.” He spat, turning and striding out the cabin, Sam laughing behind him.

“You think so? Cos’ I thinks you both got the sickness!” He called after him, Ben gasping as Sam laughed so hard he nearly choked on his own tongue, Gerard ignoring him as he strode quickly away from the cabin.

He knew that he and Frank weren’t sick; no more than any of the other idiots in this place were. But his heart still hammered erratically at how right Sam was. Being gay here was considered a sickness of the mind, something wrong in the brain and he only hoped that Sam wouldn’t go around blurting that kind of stuff out. People would believe him only too easily if he wanted them to. But at least with him obviously pining after Frank he wasn’t likely to go spreading that about them just yet... Gerard only hoped he would keep wanting Frank just long enough for them to get the gold they needed and hightail it away from the town.

xXx

When Gerard returned to the cabin he seemed shaken and Frank looked up at him from the fire where he was watching the water boiling in the pan. He bit his lip and got to his feet as Gerard put the sack of food down, looking at Frank with wide eyes and trying to smile, but it came out all wrong and Frank was on him in an instant.

“Gerard? Gerard, is everything alright?” He whimpered, cupping his face and staring intently at him as the taller man tried to nod convincingly. 

“I... Yeah. Of course. I got coffee.” He giggled nervously and Frank gripped at his shirt, leaning in close as he searched his eyes.

“Coffee? I... Something’s happened, hasn’t it? What is it? Gerard please, tell me!” He begged, his heart beginning to hammer. This town made him nervous enough as it was without Gerard acting strange too. “Is it Sam?” He asked, the guilt that hit Gerard’s face telling him everything he needed to know and his blood ran cold. “Oh God...” He gasped, stumbling backwards away from Gerard. “Does he know?” He choked, clutching at his chest as Gerard snapped out of his own horror and began to shake his head.

“No... No, no he doesn’t he... he well... I don’t know. I think he’s suspicious, I don’t think it’s serious.” He mumbled, Frank only looking more terrified and he quickly tugged him to sit down beside him on his bed, tenderly kissing his cheek. “I mean... well... I don’t know.” He groaned, gripping his hair a moment and trying to think straight.

“How can you not know? What’s happened Gee!?” Frank cried, gripping his hands and staring at him in fear until Gerard finally managed to compose and gently tugged him to sit in his lap. 

“Shh... it’s okay. I’m worrying over nothing, we both are. It’s nothing...” He whispered, softly explaining what had happened in the supply cabin with Sam and hurriedly telling Frank that he did stuff like that all the time to plenty of men who became friends. 

“It’s just his jealousy Frank. He’s only trying to scare me away from you so he can muscle his way in, I’m sure of it.” He said gently, Frank trembling lightly in his arms. “He wouldn’t tell anyone he thinks we’re... ya’ know... I don’t think he even thinks that. He’s just trying to make me spend less time with you to make it easier for him is all. If he really believed we were together then he’d have had us hanged by now.” He whispered, Frank clinging to him.

“Oh God...” He breathed, mewling as Gerard gently kissed his forehead. 

“Shh... Please don’t be frightened...” He purred, feeling much calmer now he could think straight. “You’re just going to have to be really careful now Frankie... I don’t want him hurting you. I’ll be here to defend you but I can’t be around you every second of the day... so just be careful.” He sighed, Frank nodding and clinging to him as they held each other on the bed.

Frank took some comfort in that Sam probably didn’t know about them, and even if he did it was only from his own suspicions and he had no proof, and besides, he wasn’t going to tell anyone anyway. But that still didn’t stop him from feeling terrified. If the only reason Sam wasn’t going to accuse them of being together in front of everyone was because he wanted Frank then... where did that leave him? He had come here to get gold for his family, not to get raped by some creep.

“Please... protect me Gerard...” He whimpered softly and Gerard sighed, holding him tighter and squeezing his eyes shut as he thought of how innocent Frank really was. Times like these he just seemed as vulnerable as a child and Gerard knew that falling for him would be a dangerous thing to do. He couldn’t afford to grow attached to him when it was so controversial and risky. But... how could he not fall for him?

“I promise...” He sighed quietly, his heart skipping in his chest when Frank’s lips pressed softly to his cheek and for a long moment they just hold each other as the rain began to fall outside.

xXx

“You know... I’ve always loved storms...” Frank mused as he finished his coffee and placed the mug down on the wooden box the two men used as a makeshift table.

They had just finished their stew and the cooking and eating process seemed to have made them both feel much better. Frank felt calmer now, knowing that he didn’t need to get panicked or upset yet, and Gerard too felt brighter now he had eaten. He knew what Sam was like and he knew that what he had said had just been empty words. For now at least they were safe.

Outside the storm had grown steadily closer as they ate and by now the rain was hammering loudly against the windows, so heavy you couldn’t see through the glass as the water cascaded down it. They had closed and locked all the windows and doors tight but the cabin was still cold from the howling wind so they were sat close to the fire for warmth. Every now and then claps of thunder would reverberate through the sky and the lightning would flash, lighting up the cabin for a second before it would fall back into the warm orange glow of the fire. 

Gerard hadn’t seen such a bad storm in years, but he couldn’t help but agree with Frank.

“Me too...” He sighed, looking at the windows with a small smile. “I find them strangely peaceful somehow... Mikey was always scared of them but I love them...” He breathed, meeting Frank’s gaze and quirking an eyebrow at his mischievous grin. “What?”

“Have you ever kissed someone in the rain?” He asked innocently, Gerard smirking at him and almost laughing aloud.

“Erm... No actually, I haven’t.” He chuckled, shaking his head fondly as Frank’s eyes sparkled. “Don’t tell me you want to drag me out there.” He smirked, his tone making it clear he would not be stepping out that door anytime soon.

“Oh come on.” Frank whined, grinning at him. “I’ve always wanted to kiss in the rain, can you imagine what it’d be like?” He beamed, Gerard nodding as he glanced at the windows again.

“I sure can imagine it. It’d be real wet and real bloody cold. I ain’t planning on getting pneumonia anytime soon thank you very much.” He laughed, Frank pouting and giving him a sad face for a long minute before an idea struck him and he shrugged.

“Fine. If that’s the way you wanna be.” He scoffed, slowly unbuttoning his shirt as Gerard watched him with half amusement and half intrigue. “I just thought you’d be all for it... I mean... The way our lips would get all wet... How my shirt would... go see through...” He purred, undoing just enough buttons to reveal the very top of his chest as he lounged back in his seat. 

“Now you’re just embarrassing yourself.” Gerard chuckled, though his interest was well and truly sparked. 

“You think so?” Frank purred, opening his legs a tiny bit wider and running his hand down his body. “I can’t help it if I love the elements... the wildness of the storm... the out of control rain... how hot it’d make me to just... ravish you out there...” He whispered, almost groaned and Gerard could only stare helplessly. He knew he was being played but he couldn’t help but get drawn in.

“Frankie... This is stupid.”

“I just wanna press up against your wet body...” Frank continued, undeterred as his slowly slid his hand down his thigh.”Ummph... Just wanna... pull at your wet hair and... Oh... feel you all over me...” He mewled, squeezing his groin through his breeches and Gerard just about fell off his seat. 

“And here I was thinking you were a sweet boy.” Was all he could think of to say as he stared mesmerised at Frank squeezing himself through the fabric of his trousers. 

“Oh I am...” Frank suddenly insisted, pulling his hand away so that Gerard would look into his eyes as he flashed a playful grin. “Just... this weather. I don’t know what it is, it makes me crazy.” He purred, Gerard quirking an eyebrow before he stared in surprise as Frank suddenly sprung to his feet and dashed to the door.

“Hey, where are you going?” Gerard squeaked, Frank grinning at him as he unlocked the door and flung it open. 

“Outside of course.”

“I hope you don’t expect me to follow you cos’ it ain’t gonna happen.” Gerard insisted strongly, folding his arms across his chest and dropping back into his seat with what he hoped was a serious look. Frank though, only shrugged and stepped outside anyway.

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll have my own fun.” He announced, shutting the door behind him and leaving Gerard stunned and speechless in his seat.

What in the hell had gotten into that guy?

Outside it was a little colder than Frank had expected, but he wasn’t put off. He had been thinking about Gerard all day, just wanted to impress him so much and he wasn’t about to miss this golden opportunity. Everyone would be in the tavern sheltering from the rain so he knew they wouldn’t be seen, and he really just wanted to forget about his fear for Sam and remember why he was risking so much in the first place. 

He stood in the rain motionless for a second, gathering his courage and feeling ridiculously stupid as he slowly spread his arms and tipped his face back, closing his eyes to feel the rain against his face. It was falling so hard the water droplets were like icy bullets all over him, but it did sort of give him a little thrill as he submitted himself to the elements. He had been making it up when he had said this sort of weather made him crazy, but now he was stood here, he began to think that maybe it did. It felt... good, to surrender himself like this.

“Mm... Yes!” He laughed, giggling as he spun in a small circle and focused on the water running over his body, forgetting about his whole plan to try and coax Gerard outside as he just kept his eyes closed and felt the rain all over him. 

All around the dirt roads were growing muddy and slick, but luckily the cabin was built on a gravel patch so Frank’s feet didn’t get grubby as he pranced about, arms out and head back as he soaked in the feeling of the icy water all over him. His clothes were already sticking tight to his skin, his shirt no doubt completely see through by now and his nipples were rock solid nubs poking through the wet fabric from the frigid temperatures. 

His hair stuck to his face and he flicked his head to get it out of his eyes, spraying water everywhere as he moved about, half running and half dancing as he giggled and grinned, unaware of Gerard watching him through the door which he had opened just a crack, staring with jaw dropped at the younger man who had, in his opinion, gone completely bonkers.

A flash of lightning lit up the earth and Gerard bit his lip hard at the sight of Frank dancing about barely six feet away, spinning around and swaying his hips as his body arched and twisted. His clothes were so tight Gerard could see everything through them, the fabric sticking to the contours of his body and making the older man’s mouth water. He didn’t even jump when the thunder rumbled loudly across the sky, the noise seeming to spur Frank on and he ran his fingers through his wet hair, laughing at the exhilarating feeling of just letting go like this, of dancing with the rain and singing with the thunder as if he and the storm had become one. 

“Frankie.” Gerard called softly, biting his lip and feeling his stomach tingle at the strangely erotic sight. “Frankie, come in side. You’ll freeze.” He whined, but Frank only shook his head, not opening his eyes as he continued to bound about. 

“God no! This is amazing!” He giggled, turning and stopping suddenly, opening his eyes to grin at Gerard and the older man was taken aback by the look of pleasure in his eyes. He looked free and genuinely happy, the pain that seemed to hide behind his irises most days suddenly gone. And just like that, Gerard couldn’t deny him anymore.

Frank grinned widely when Gerard hesitated for a moment before slowly walking out into the storm to join him, shivering violently from the sudden onslaught of rain against his body but he didn’t stop, closing the door to keep the water out the cabin before he moved to Frank.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” He groaned, his teeth chattering and Frank giggled, holding his hands out to him and lacing their fingers when he reached him.

“Just close your eyes and feel it.” He smiled, tipping his head back so the water ran down his throat and over his collarbones. “It feels beautiful...” He sighed, Gerard quirking an eyebrow, feeling stupid as he slowly copied Frank and closed his eyes.

For a moment he just felt cold, wet and miserable. But then he began to feel his heart race, his body tingling as he let the rain pelt him, let the thunder make his chest rumble with it and he slowly grinned. 

“Wow...” He purred, water droplets running over his lips and he spread his hands out when he felt Frank let them go. The rain pattering against his face and eyelids felt like a million tiny needles, yet it was magical somehow. He chuckled breathlessly as he felt Frank’s cold fingers pressing to his cheeks, pulling his face down before wet, cold lips gently pressed to his own, parting softly against them and a hot, moist tongue snaked into his mouth.

“Oh...” He groaned, the contrast from the cold outside and the heat of Frank’s mouth caused his cock to twitch in his pants and he slowly moved his hands to rest on either side of Frank’s neck, their lips barely moving as their tongues danced and Frank’s hands tangled into his wet hair, tugging gently at the dark locks just like he had fantasized about.

Frank felt his heart rate increase as he pressed tight to Gerard, their wet clothes sticking as they began to kiss each other with more passion, their tongues moving back so their lips could slide and pout together, slick from the rain drumming against them. 

More thunder rumbled overhead and Frank pressed ever closer to Gerard, tugging harder at his hair as they kissed passionately and desperately, lust seeming to rise in them like flood water. Out of control and wild as their body’s pressed tight and their hips pushed and shoved, desperate for friction as they grew as frenzied as the storm around them.

“Mmph... God... Frankie, you’re insane.” Gerard groaned, his hands moving to squeeze at Frank’s ass, gripping tight and pulling him against him as the younger man grinned against his lips.

“I know... ah... Gee, God I want you so much right now...” He whined, his cock already hard in his breeches which was quite a feat considering how cold it was and Gerard could only nod drunkenly as he began to drag Frank back into the cabin.

“Mmph... you can have me... just get out of this rain first...” He panted, knowing that despite how good it felt to be grinding up against Frank in the rain it was also not the best decision health wise and thankfully Frank didn’t complain as he was tugged into the cabin and hastily taken to lay down infront of the fire.

Gerard kicked the crate they had eaten from aside and shimmied quickly out of his soaked clothes, Frank watching him through half lidded eyes as he draped across the ratty old rug infront of the fire. He looked as if he had had sex already, with his glossy eyes and wet, tousled hair and Gerard could barely contain himself as he quickly stripped Frank too. 

Once all their clothes had been peeled away and left in a wet pile on the floor Frank dragged Gerard back to him and pressed his lips hungrily to his, kissing him with feverish passion as their cold bodies pressed together, their skin damp and frigid though they were rapidly warming up in the heat of the fire.

Gerard moaned softly against Frank’s lips and spread his legs with his hands, Frank automatically wrapping them around his waist so that they could rock together and rub their erections over one another. Both men groaned into each other’s mouths as their cocks throbbed and leaked pre cum, the rain pounding against the window creating their fast paced rhythm as Frank gripped and tugged at Gerard’s wet hair.

“Mmm... Mmph... Frankie... Oh...” Gerard shuddered a little as he felt his abdomen tingling pleasantly, Frank’s erection leaking with pre cum so much their movements were soon too slick for any real friction and the feeling only turned Gerard on more. It was so heated, so lusty, he hadn’t experienced anything like it. The way Frank’s body just responded as if he had never had any sexual contact before was driving the older man wild. 

“Gee... Mmm... Baby, I want you.” Frank groaned, his mind hazy as it span. He didn’t know what had made him so frantic, so hot... but he knew what he wanted and he wouldn’t stop asking for it until he got it. “Please... Please Gerard... want you inside...” He groaned, Gerard pulling back to look at him as he struggled to make sense of his words.

“W –What?” He breathed, forcing his hips to still and pressing his hands down onto Frank’s to keep him under control too as he mewled softly. “Frankie... Don’t get carried away.” He warned him huskily, trying to keep some semblance of sense in the forefront of his mind before they went too far. “You’re not ready.”

“What? Of course I am. I’m not a virgin Gerard.” Frank whined, grabbing at the older man’s ass and trying to drag him down against him. “Please Gee... Oh God, please... I am ready. I am.” He insisted, spreading his legs wide and tilting his hips up, inviting the older man in and Gerard’s heart missed a beat as he gazed down at Frank, open and wanting. 

“Sweet Jesus, Frankie you don’t know what you’re saying.” He croaked, his hands aching to feel him all over and Frank gazed steadily at him, his eyes swirling with lust but also with trust and he slowly reached out to tilt Gerard’s face up to his.

“Yes I do.” He whispered softly, trying not to give away how badly he wanted this in case Gerard thought it was just the heat of the moment making him say these things. Frank couldn’t deny that he wasn’t thinking straight, but he had always dreamed of how it would feel for another man to touch him such a private place, he had always known he wanted it and he didn’t care if it was only lust making him so desperate. Gerard wouldn’t hurt him, he knew it. 

“Please Gerard...” He purred, stroking the older man’s cheeks and softly kissing over his lips again and again. “Please...”

“God damn you Frankie.” Gerard groaned, kissing him passionately for a moment as he felt his will crumbling. How could he deny him when he sounded so sure? Besides, he wasn’t like some virginal woman who was going to rush in head first, scream that it hurt and then accuse him of ruining their virtue for months after. Frank wasn’t a virgin, he most certainly wasn’t a woman, and he had just as high a sex drive as Gerard did. 

“If you regret this...”

“I won’t.” Frank said instantly, sensing that Gerard was weakening to him and he smiled as he kissed him hungrily, wrapping a hand around his erection and pumping slowly. “I promise I won’t...” He purred, stroking Gerard until could smear enough pre cum down his length to make him slick and he began tugging him towards his ass. 

“Mm... please...”

“Hold up.” Gerard grunted, quickly tugging back and spitting against his fingers. “Don’t go getting hasty Iero.” He warned, holding his thighs apart and nudging a fingertip against his anus. “You’ll only hurt yourself.” 

“Mm... You’re too good to me...” Frank purred, grinning almost drunkenly at Gerard as the older man focused on rubbing against his entrance with one finger until he felt the muscles relaxing and giving way to the digit. He may not have known much about having sex with men but he knew enough to know it was going to hurt like hell if he didn’t prepare Frank first. 

“Shut up will ya’, I’m concentrating.” He snapped, a little put out that he had given in so easily and Frank giggled softly, leaning up to kiss Gerard softly as the first finger slid in.

“Romantic.” He sniggered before gasping as he felt the finger inside him and his muscles clenched tight before he slowly relaxed. He had never felt anything like it and he wasn’t entirely sure he liked it. “Mmph...” He whined, turning his face to the side and screwing his eyes shut as Gerard slowly stroked the finger inside him, watching him carefully. 

“Do you want me to stop?”

“N – No... It doesn’t hurt.” Frank breathed, lying back and focusing on the heat from the fire licking against his skin as he wriggled his butt a little. The sensation wasn’t painful, just very strange... but he didn’t want to stop Gerard after begging so much for him to do this, and he was so desperate to give all of himself to the older man. He had always dreamed of doing this he just hoped it would get better soon.

“Frankie... If it starts to hurt...”

“It doesn’t. Carry on... please...” He breathed, resting his hands on Gerard’s arms as he lay back and kept his eyes closed, trying to ride through the initial alien sensation as Gerard slowly began to work in a second finger.

Gerard’s heart was hammering as he focussed on Frank’s face, trying to make it feel good for him as he slowly fingered his ass. He had never done this before and he didn’t know what Frank was feeling, but he kept it steady as he slowly began to scissor his fingers and stretch him. He wasn’t sure they should have sex tonight, he wasn’t convinced Frank was ready and he would wait forever if he had to, but he would do this at least just to take a few steps forward.

“How does it feel?” He whispered softly, Frank huffing gently and gripping his arms tight.

“Feels weird...” He grunted, spreading his legs more and shifting his hips so that Gerard’s fingers slid deeper. “Feels so weird...” He breathed, his nails digging into Gerard’s arms as he began to feel the initial horror drain away. The scissoring was stretching him and it stung a little but it wasn’t unbearable, in fact, it began to feel kind of good and he mewled softly as Gerard pushed his fingers deeper and deeper, feeling something inside the younger man and he pressed a fingertip against it softly. 

“Ooh...” Frank gasped, holding Gerard’s arms tighter as his body quivered and his muscles tensed in surprise, his nails scratching lightly as he purred. “Oh God... do that again.”

Gerard watched curiously as he touched the little bundle inside Frank again, his middle finger and pointer fingers just able to reach it and stared, open mouthed, as Frank whined in obvious pleasure and began to gyrate his hips as his cock twitched and pulsated. 

“D – Does that... feel good?” Gerard breathed, his own cock throbbing at the sight as Frank writhed slowly beneath him, nodding frantically as he released his grip on Gerard’s arms and tangled his hands into his own hair.

“Y – Yeah... Oooh... feels really good...” He whined, his voice husky and deep, laced with pure pleasure and Gerard’s stomach clenched as he wondered what it was he had found. He pressed his fingers as close as he could over the bundle, just able to get his fingertips flush against it and he began to rub them up and down, up and down, up and down... He watched Frank’s face intently, stunned by the mask of pleasure that had touched his features, his chest beginning to expand and retract rapidly as he started to pant.

“Oh... Oh my... That... That’s so... unnn...” Frank gripped tight to his hair and rolled his head from side to side, whatever was being touched inside him was sending tingles right up his spine, his anus clenching rhythmically around Gerard’s fingers as a weird throbbing began inside him. Like a little button against Gerard’s fingers, pulsing with need. “Gerard... Gerraard... D – Don’t stop...” He whimpered, his toes curling a little.

Gerard moaned softly purely from the sight before him, Franks stomach sucking back against his spine and then out again as it quivered and clenched from pleasure, even his thighs jolting every now and then as the swollen head of his penis oozed strings of cum onto his stomach. Gerard hadn’t seen anything like it and he couldn’t tell whether Frank was having an orgasm or just giving off a whole lot of pre cum. He didn’t think it would help the moment if he asked though so he simply kept going as Frank moaned and squirmed about beneath him.

“Uuuh... Uuuh... Uhhh....” Frank tugged at his hair and arched his back a little, moaning softly as his mouth hung open and his body tingled all over. He was leaking copious amounts of cum but he couldn’t control himself, it was just spilling from him as if he was suddenly overflowing with the stuff and his body trembled as Gerard did something to him that just made him dizzy with pleasure.

“Oh God... Oh God Gerard... Gerard I’m so close...” He gasped, forgetting completely about his original plan as he just basked in the incredible things Gerard was doing to him. 

Gerard himself felt quite relieved that this was enough, he felt that sex needed to wait a little first and this... whatever this was... was just stunning. The way Frank’s body responded, squirming and clenching and tensing and... Leaking. Gerard felt like he could cum himself without being touched at all and he moaned huskily as he leant down to capture Frank’s lips in a tender kiss, rubbing his fingers inside him as he wrapped his free hand around his own pulsing erection.

Frank sighed into Gerard’s mouth and moved his hands into his hair, pulling him closer as he raised his hips and whimpered for more, Gerard starting to slowly thrust his fingers again but this time the sensation was wonderful, his fingertips nudging against that spot inside him with each push in and Frank could feel his orgasm building. 

“Oh... Oh! Gerard... Gerard mmph... baby I... I’m gonna cum...” He gasped, gripping tight to his hair and pulling hard as Gerard began to jerk himself off quickly, keeping his fingers inside Frank steady and moving away from his lips so he could watch. 

By now a small puddle of cum had formed on Frank’s stomach, a seemingly never ending string of cum still drooling into it as Frank began to writhe more erratically, his hips bucking and his moans growing louder and more desperate as his ass began to clench tight. 

Gerard could feel his balls tightening as he watched, barely able to hold on and he gasped as Frank suddenly arched his back, crying out in pleasure as came hard, the string of cum turning into ropes that exploded all over his chest and stomach, his ass clenching so tight Gerard had no choice but to keep his fingers still.

“Oh God...” Gerard pumped his hand faster over his length and groaned loudly as he too came, exploding over his fingers and Frank’s hip bone as he shuddered through his orgasm.

For a long moment both men milked their orgasms, Frank slumping first feeling completely boneless as everything in him just quivered deliciously. As Gerard withdrew his fingers he hissed softly, both his anus and penis hypersensitive and he couldn’t stand to feel anymore contact for a moment. 

Luckily, Gerard was too busy trying to wipe them both clean before he collapsed beside Frank and just curled up in the light of the fire, panting softly as Frank lay weakly on the rug beside him, his chest heaving as he struggled to catch his breath. He had no idea what the hell had just happened, but he definitely wanted Gerard to feel the same thing sometime soon. He felt as if something magic had just happened, something special and secret just for them and as soon as he felt strong enough he dragged Gerard to him and kissed him with all the emotion he possessed.

“Mmm... Gerard... You’re perfect.” He groaned, Gerard panting softly into his mouth and looking at him through half lidded eyes.

“Frankie...”

“Come to bed.” Frank whispered, trying to get to his feet but his knees buckled and Gerard was quick to catch him, carrying him to his bed where he curled up with him beneath the covers with a dazed expression. 

“What just happened?” He asked softly once they were settled and curled up in one another’s arms, Frank shrugging with a breathless giggle.

“I have no idea but... you have to feel that sometime... it was... incredible.” He breathed, Gerard biting his lip and slowly nodding his head. 

“You had something inside you... like a... a nub. As soon as I touched it you just... went crazy for it.” He breathed, Frank opening his eyes and looking at him sleepily.

“Really?” He purred, smiling and gently laying a hand over Gerard’s bare bottom. “I can’t wait to find yours...”

“What if I don’t have it?” Gerard asked worriedly, biting his lip as his heart hammered. He desperately hoped he did, wanting to feel whatever it was Frank had and the shorter man smiled dreamily.

“You will Gee... I just know it.” He purred, Gerard smiling softly and kissing Franks forehead, the night suddenly perfect as they snuggled beneath the covers, the fire dying down slowly.

“Mm... I hope so...” He whispered, sharing a soft, sleepy kiss with Frank before they both drifted to sleep to the sound of the rain outside.


	6. Fever

When Gerard woke up that morning he knew instantly that something was wrong with Frank.

The younger man was still sleeping, though he seemed to be restless. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed, frowning just a little and his lips were pouted softly against the pillow he was gripping tightly. His hair was tasselled and the blankets had got bunched about his waist, but although the room was freezing and Gerard was shivering Frank’s body was swelteringly hot.

Gerard frowned slightly as he gently laid a hand over Frank’s forehead, brushing his hair back and laying his hand on his warm skin to try and judge his temperature. It was instantly obvious that Frank was sick, his flesh so hot Gerard had to tug his hand away quickly as it burned his palm. 

“Mm...” Frank’s frown deepened and he mewled softly as he turned over onto his other side, curling his knees up until his body made a little ball and he growled softly into the pillow. 

Gerard quickly knelt up and pulled the curtains shut on the window, getting the room as dark as he could so that the sun wouldn’t wake the sleeping man before he slid out of bed. He padded over to the fireplace and made up just a little fire, not wanting to make Frank any hotter but needing to boil water for his usual morning coffee. It was still raining lightly outside but it was sunny from what Gerard could tell and so he guessed the rain would stop soon, he had no excuse not to go out panning like usual.

Gerard sighed and glanced back over at Frank, wanting to stay and take care of him but what could he do? It wouldn’t be worth missing a day’s work just to sit around watching Frank sleep, and he was sure the shorter man wouldn’t want that either. 

It didn’t stop him from seriously considering it though.

Frank slept right through Gerard eating his breakfast and drinking his coffee, and he didn’t even stir when Gerard gathered up his pan and trowel and knocked over all the equipment in the corner creating a series of violent crashes and clatters. He clenched his teeth and tensed up, slowly glancing at Frank and sighing in relief when he saw he was still asleep, though a part of him just felt even more worried. It wasn’t like Frank to sleep so heavily as far as he knew, but then his mother had always told him rest was the best cure for most sicknesses, and he had no doubt Frank probably just had a fever from dancing in the rain the previous night. 

He had known it had been a bad idea. He just hoped it was a common cold or something and nothing serious like pneumonia. 

Gerard got dressed slowly, dragging the time out so that he was later at leaving than usual, but he kept hoping Frank would wake up so he could ask him if he was okay. When the younger man only turned over once more and then continued sleeping Gerard gave up and instead settled on leaving out some bread and cheese for him for breakfast, keeping the hot water over the warmed coals in the fire with a mug all set up with the coffee ready for when Frank awoke before simply kissing his hot forehead and then leaving the cabin with a saddened look.  
Gerard sighed and glanced up at the last of the grey clouds that were starting to disappear from the blue sky. The drizzling rain had stopped in the time it had taken him to eat his breakfast but the ground was muddy and wet from the nights storm.

Gerard felt miserable as he made his way to his usual spot of the river, hoping the storm hadn’t affected the positioning of the gold too much. It had taken him a while to find such a good spot and it would be a real pain if he had to hunt for another one. But as he reached the bubbling stream of water it looked like everyone were in their usual places so he guessed they were all okay. 

Gerard saw Sam glancing at him from the corner of his eye as he sat down on the little wooden crate he always brought with him, his boots squishing into the muddy riverbank as he planted his feet and began shovelling the muck into his pan. He hadn’t panned it when it was wet before, the place was usually suffering from droughts so he wasn’t sure how it was going to affect his panning, the uncertainty only making him more miserable as he worried over Frank. Plus, Sam’s staring was annoying him already and he hadn’t even been there thirty seconds. 

Gerard did his best to focus on his panning as he held his pan under a few inches of water and began shaking slowly. The current in the stream was much stronger he could tell, gushing around his hands faster than usual thanks to the extra water now bloating it. It was something they had all worried about but they would have to make do. Gerard couldn’t bring himself to feel resentful towards the storm since he and Frank had had such a good night because of it... but then he remembered that Frank was sick and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to forget about it.

“No Frankie today?” Gerard didn’t open his eyes at the sound of the gruff, amused voice and he waited a moment, holding his breath and counting slowly to ten before he began shaking his pan again and allowed his eyelids to lift. 

“No.” He said simply, not turning to look at Sam as he forced his eyes to remain focused on the dirt in his pan. 

“And why might that be?” 

“He’s sick.” 

“You don’t say.”

Gerard could hear the amusement in Sam’s voice and he had to force himself not to spring to his feet and punch him square in the jaw. He knew Sam was implying brain sickness again but Gerard wouldn’t let himself rise to it, the other men were already looking over to see what trouble Sam was trying to cause now and Gerard didn’t want to draw any more attention to himself. 

“What seems to be ailing him?” Sam asked casually when it became clear Gerard was not going to say anything more, the younger man scowling to himself as his hands gripped tight to the pan he was still shaking. 

“A fever.” He said bluntly, hoping Sam would take the hint and just leave, but of course, the older man never did things like that. “He’s going to spend the day resting and hopefully he’ll be fine by tomorrow.”

“Hopefully.” Sam repeated, nodding his head solemnly and smirking at how Gerard refused to look at him. “I wonder what could have brought his sickness on...” He mused softly, Gerard slamming his pan down and turning to glare at Sam.

“It’s a fever Sam. What usually brings fevers on?” He snapped, Sam holding his hands up as if in a form of surrender and he grinned darkly at Gerard.

“I was only trying to make conversation.” He said in what Gerard guessed was supposed to be an innocent tone but just made the man sound sickeningly sweet. 

“Well I don’t want a conversation with you. I’m trying to work, in case you haven’t noticed.” Gerard snarled, some of the other men sharing glances and whispering softly to each other. Gerard knew he was being impatient but his temper was short that day, he didn’t want to discuss how Frank was sick when he had no idea how sick he really was. He was trying to tell himself it was nothing but Sam’s questioning wasn’t helping him. 

“Very defensive today, aren’t you Gerard?” Sam smirked and Gerard growled, picking his pan back up and turning back to the stream. “If you’re that worried about the boy why aren’t you taking care of him?” 

“He’s a big boy now, he can take care of himself.” Gerard said coldly, hating the words even as he said them. Of course he wanted desperately to take care of Frank, but he needed all the gold he could get, and if he stayed at the cabin to look after the younger man then the other men would only start talking. People didn’t take care of others here, not over things as simple as fevers. “If you care so much maybe _you_ should take care of him.” 

“I just might do that.” Sam grinned and Gerard nearly dropped his pan in surprise. He turned to stare at Sam with wide eyes, horror written all over his face. He hadn’t expected the older man to reply like that and it made his blood run cold. He wouldn’t let Sam anywhere near Frank in his current condition, not if his life depended on it. 

“You... What?”

“Unless you have a problem with it, of course.” Sam shrugged, grinning at Gerard as the other men watched on with curious eyes. Gerard felt his heart begin to race, not sure how to respond so that Sam didn’t go to Frank without raising any suspicion himself. 

“I have no problem.” He shrugged as nonchalantly as he could. “I just think that would be very kind of you Sam, and you’re not usually generous with such kindness.” Gerard cocked his head to the side, raising his eyebrows as he gazed up at Sam, raising his voice a little so every man would hear him clearly. “You seem to like Frank a lot.” He mused, Sam scowling. 

“He’s the youngest man here, I think he needs a guiding hand is all.” He was quick to retort, clenching his fists. How dare Gerard try to play him at his own game. 

“A guiding hand in getting through a fever? He’s old enough to know how to lie in bed all day, surely.” Gerard purred, smirking a little when he saw he was winning and Sam snarled softly, turning to walk away and glaring at Gerard over his shoulder. 

“We’re not through here Way.” He warned but Gerard only smirked calmly at him.

“Oh I think we are Sam.” He purred dangerously and the older man scoffed before storming back upstream to continue with his own work, kicking a man’s pan out of his hands when he stared at him for too long. 

“What the hell do y’all think you’re lookin’ at!? Get back to work!” He roared, plonking his ass down on his crate and picking his own pan up angrily as Gerard chuckled to himself and turned back to his own panning. 

It seemed he had won that battle, but the war was only just beginning.

xXx

When Frank awoke for a long moment he was disorientated and confused. The first thing he noticed was the ache in his head and his bones, his body shivering violently though he felt swelteringly hot. He knew instantly that he was sick, used to it from being sick a lot during his childhood... and his teenage years and well... all his life really. 

Once he had established he was ill things began to make a little more sense. The curtains were all drawn so the room was dark, but sunlight was desperately trying to filter in through the thin fabric so he guessed it was much later in the day than he usually woke up, and Gerard’s absence worried him for just a few minutes before he saw his panning equipment was nowhere to be seen and he realised he must have left to work. 

Frank felt a little guilty as he looked about, guessing Gerard must have not woken him so he could get some rest and Frank’s heart thudded heavily in his chest at how kind that was. He supposed it was probably his own fault since he had been out in the rain the night before but he didn’t care, it had been worth it. 

“Mmph... God.” Frank groaned softly as he rolled onto his back and gently dug his palms into his eyes. His head was pounding and his throat was raw, but he had felt worse before and no doubt he would suffer worse than this in the future too. 

He gave himself a moment to try and stop the spinning in his head before he slowly forced himself to sit up and look about the room some more. Half of him felt mortified that he was missing a day of panning and he considered getting dressed and going up to the river anyway. His mother and grandma needed him, needed the gold he was panning for, and he couldn’t afford to lose this day... But he knew if he didn’t rest he’d only get worse and it was better to lose one day than a whole week. 

Reluctantly Frank tugged on his breeches and left it at that, padding weakly across the cabin to stoke the fire up. He didn’t want to sit in the dark but he didn’t really want to let the sunlight in either in case it made his head worse, so he simply got a small fire flickering for light and opened all the windows wide to try and reduce the heat. He hoped Gerard wouldn’t get mad and accuse him of wasting energy but for now he simply didn’t care. He saw the cup set up with coffee beans and sugar ready for him and the food left out and he melted all over again at how thoughtful his lover was.

With a happy sigh Frank sank down onto the rug and curled his legs up, shifting the kettle on its hook over the fire so that the water got boiling again before he picked up a hunk of bread and started to chew. He felt a little queasy but he was sure he would feel better once he’d eaten some food, he had gotten pretty good at reading his body over all the time of being sick and he knew he just needed to take it easy and keep his strength up.

The soft crackle of the fire was calming and Frank gazed into the flames with a faraway expression, picking up some of the cheese and nibbling as he waited for the water to boil. He felt a little better already now he was up and about, he had learnt that when he was sick waking up was always the hardest part. As long as he dragged himself out of bed he’d pick up eventually. 

Once Frank had finished eating and had got his coffee he crawled back into bed and just lay down for a little while. He wasn’t really tired anymore so once he felt fairly okay he slid back out of the bed and got the broom from its dark corner where it was usually just left alone. He and Gerard weren’t very good at the cleaning thing, working such long days meant they never wanted to clean once they returned from panning but Frank decided since he wasn’t working he may as well make himself useful somehow. 

He whistled softly to himself as he opened the door and began sweeping the floors, brushing all the dust and dirt out of the door and into the dirt outside. When he glanced out the door he found that everything was still soaking wet from the night’s storm and he hoped Gerard was finding the panning okay, he had mentioned that it might be difficult after such sudden and heavy rain, but he supposed if he was still out there it must be fine. 

Frank grew dreamy as he thought of Gerard, imagining him panning all by himself, no doubt being stared at by Sam and Frank just wanted to rush to him and hug him tight. He hoped he wouldn’t be miserable when he got back, and as he considered this option he began to smirk to himself as he thought of how he could make Gerard’s homecoming extra special.

Frank began to feel excited as he swept the floors and grabbed a rag to dip in the washbowl and clean up the windows and furniture. He decided he was going to surprise Gerard when he returned and give him a night to remember, show him how grateful he was for everything the older man had done for him. But for now he was going to get the cabin spotless.

xXx

Gerard sighed as he washed his dirty hands in the river and gathered up his panning gear. It hadn’t been the best day of panning he’d ever had, but he had filled up a couple of bottles with gold and so he felt fairly positive as he left to go back to the cabin. 

Sam and his friends had left earlier than everyone else, talking loudly about how much gold they had found and how they were going to spend their evenings with the whores. Gerard had felt sick listening to them but the disappointed look in Sam’s eyes and his reluctance to show all the gold he had supposedly found told Gerard he had had a very poor days pickings indeed.

Gerard felt a little brighter at the thought as he made his way down the dirt track to the cabin. He hoped Frank was feeling better and considered what he’d make them for dinner as he strolled; but when he reached the cabin it seemed the younger man had already beaten him to it. 

As soon as Gerard opened the door of the cabin he was greeted with the delicious scent of something cooking... though he wasn’t entirely sure what it was. Due to him and Frank putting their money together to buy food it was making the options they had much better. Food in the store was ridiculously expensive since it was all imported, but he and Frank got by well, sometimes even getting some fresh fruit and vegetables into their diet. But whatever was cooking now, as delicious as it smelt, was a mystery.

“Frankie?” Gerard swung the door shut and kicked off his muddy boots, squeaking in surprise when Frank appeared from the darkness, scolding him and grabbing his boots to dump outside. 

“Do you mind!? I’ve cleaned today.” He snapped, his playful grin showing he wasn’t really mad and Gerard stared at him with a bemused expression. 

“You’ve... cleaned...” He repeated, watching in stunned silence as Frank opened all the curtains to let the setting sunlight in and then dashed back to the fire to stir something cooking in the pot. Gerard stared around at the spotless cabin, the beds made, the washbowl full of fresh water and the floor swept. Frank had no shirt on and he seemed fairly positive though his voice was gruff, his throat clearly aching. 

Frank grinned as Gerard simply stood stupidly in the doorway, looking utterly confused. Frank couldn’t help but giggle a little, stirring his concoction as he waited for Gerard to get over his surprise. He had spent the whole day cleaning and then deciding what to make for their dinner, getting fresh water for them before sleeping a while when he had a sudden wave of sickness in the afternoon. He felt much better now though, his temperature almost back to normal. 

Gerard slowly got over his surprise and slowly closed the door, wandering over to Frank with a stunned look.

“I... I thought you were sick...” He mumbled softly, thrilled that he wasn’t, though it didn’t make much sense. “What are you cooking?” He asked eagerly, the tantalising scent so mouth-wateringly good he couldn’t help but ask. 

“I am sick.” Frank giggled, nudging at Gerard’s legs. “Get those dirty clothes off will ya?” He teased; smiling as Gerard obediently moved away to strip and Frank watched him with sparkling eyes. 

“I get sick all the time; it’s always been that way, all my life.” He explained idly, stirring the food some more. “I’m pretty used to it by now, but I’ve only got a little fever. I slept a lot today too so I’m feeling better.” He smiled softly, Gerard grinning back.

“That’s great Frankie – I mean, that you’re feeling better. Not that you get sick all the time.” He chuckled, wriggling out of his clothes and grinning wider as Frank filled him in on what he was cooking. 

“I figured I’d use up the rice since you never seem to know what to do with it.” He giggled softly, the rice in quite high supply since the Chinese brought it with them and always had lots imported. The other men tended to stick to meat, beans and sourdough bread but Frank preferred to explore all kinds of foods. “I’m cooking with some onions and vegetables and a bit of pepper.” He beamed, Gerard ‘mm’ing his appreciation.

The only seasonings available in Hangtown were the humble salt and pepper, but Frank had always been too poor to ever afford any other kinds of herbs or spices, except at Christmas when his mother would fork out for some thyme or rosemary to put on their Christmas roast. Frank was used to the simple life and he had got pretty good at cooking with whatever was available since it was something he had always enjoyed doing with his mum and grandma. He never saw it as a big deal but now he was here he suspected he was probably one of the only men who knew how to cook properly. 

“Are you sure you feel okay Frankie?” Gerard asked softly as he sat down beside Frank once he had changed into some clean clothes and gently laid his hand over his forehead. “I was real worried about you all day.” He said softly, smiling when Frank turned and kissed his lips gently. 

“I feel much better.” He assured him, taking Gerard’s hand and brushing his lips across his palm. “And I intend to prove it...” He purred, Gerard quirking his eyebrows questioningly and gasping when Frank suddenly knocked him onto his back and straddled his hips.

“Frankie?” Gerard squeaked, almost laughing as Frank slid his hands down his chest and grinned playfully down at him. 

“Mm?”

“What about the food?”

“It’ll take a while to cook, don’t worry about it. I wanna make you feel like you made me feel last night.” He purred, bending down to attach his lips to Gerard, sighing in delight. 

Gerard chuckled lightly but soon fell serious as he melted into Frank’s touch. He was still worried about him, wanting him to rest like he should be doing but he couldn’t deny him when he was being like this. Besides, although the hands worming their way beneath his shirt and up his stomach were still hot, it was clear Frank’s temperature had dropped significantly since the morning. 

Frank sighed and smiled against Gerard’s lips when the older man submitted to him easily, letting his tongue dip into his mouth and explore his tongue and teeth as he scratched his nails gently down his chest. Frank purred and mewled softly, pressing closer to Gerard as he rubbed his fingertips round his nipples until they formed hard nubs he could pinch and roll gently. 

Gerard sighed and hissed in soft pleasure, his arms wrapping around the smaller man to pull him tighter to his body. He spread his legs slightly and raised his knees so Frank dropped down onto his body, their hips starting to rub together instantly as their lips suckled and tongues clashed eagerly.

“Mm... mmm Frankie... Are you sure you... ah... feel okay?” Gerard groaned, not wanting Frank to expel too much of his energy and get sicker, he was more than happy to just sit and take care of him like he had been planning to do all day, but Frank only hushed him with a playful grin.

“Shh, stop worrying about me. Relax honey...” He purred, kissing Gerard passionately again as he tugged at his shirt, breaking the kiss to remove it before he was back on him, tonguing his mouth and rubbing his hips harder down on his until he felt a hardened bulge pressing against his own growing length.

Gerard gasped and turned his face away as a surge of pleasure tugged at his abdomen, his lips shining wetly from all Franks kissing and licking and he groaned quietly as the shorter man tugged at the ties on his breeches, yanking them down his legs impatiently until he kicked them aside. 

Once Gerard was naked Frank was all over him once more, his hands working their way over his body, seeking out sensitive spots and trying a variety of things to make Gerard feel good. He loved discovering different things about Gerard’s body and he ‘ooh’ed softly as he stroked his fingertips up the crease between Gerard’s leg and pelvic bone. If he stroked with just the tiniest amount of pressure Gerard’s whole midriff quivered as if touched by electricity and he groaned as Frank tried it again and again, soon batting his hands away as he grew breathless.

“F – Frank, stop doing that.” He chuckled softly, Frank giggling as he leaned up to kiss him hotly on the mouth again, moving his hands lower to squeeze and massage his inner thighs. 

By now Gerard’s erection was hard and pulsing, a tiny drop of pre cum shining in the tip and Frank groaned huskily, wanting so badly to taste it. He wriggled his way down Gerard’s body and kissed down his stomach, gazing up at him through lust hazed eyes as he thought of how good he was going to make him feel.

“Mm... Gee... M’gonna make you feel like you made me feel last night.” He purred, Gerard blushing slightly and biting his lip. He had never considered once in his life that he would let a man touch him _there_ and he felt nervous at the thought. Frank noticed this and kissed all the more softer over his flesh, moving one of his hands to pump slowly up and down Gerard’s erection.

“Don’t be afraid... Please Gee... I’ll only use my fingers, I just want you to feel it. To feel what I did... it’s magical Gee, really it is.” He promised softly in between tiny kisses, Gerard sighing and biting his lip for a moment. He trusted Frank, and he did desperately want to know what it was that made the younger man react so deliciously the night before, he just... could he take it? What if he didn’t feel the same thing?

“Frankie I...” He paused, looking at Frank’s wide, hopeful eyes and he just couldn’t deny him. He was so beautiful... he’d give him anything he wanted. “Okay...” He whispered, nodding and smiling as Frank beamed at him. He relaxed when it became clear how pleased he had made the younger man and he forced himself to just relax and enjoy what he was promising. 

Frank thanked Gerard softly and quickly scuttled back up his body to kiss him quick before he made his way back down, sucking two of his fingers into his mouth and leisurely pumping Gerard’s erection as he gazed up at him. 

Gerard watched through half lidded eyes as Frank sucked at his own fingers, lathering them in his saliva and working his tongue around them in such an erotic way that Gerard’s penis twitched in response. He groaned huskily when Frank removed them slowly from his mouth, letting a string of saliva shine wetly for a moment before it snapped and he leant forward, pressing the flat of his tongue to the base of Gerard’s erection and sliding right up to the tip. 

“O – Oh God!” Gerard gasped, squeezing his eyes shut and throwing his head back as Frank swirled his tongue around the crown, pouting his lips against the tip and giving tiny little sucks, barely taking any of the head into his mouth until he was practically sipping at the slit. Gerard watched him with hazy eyes, his breathing growing heavy from the mixture of sights and sensations his younger lover was giving him.

Frank took his time in smothering Gerard in attention, waiting until his erection was swollen and red, the head pulsing rhythmically from need as the veins strained. Once it was clear Gerard was too far gone in his pleasure to be worrying anymore Frank got to work taking him to the really good bit.

Gerard barely noticed when Frank started rubbing one slick finger slowly up and down the cleft of his ass, going over his anus again and again but making no move to breach it. Gerard woke up a little at the feeling and bit his lip, but before he could start getting nervous Frank took just the head of his cock into his mouth and once more all rational thoughts disappeared. 

Gerard moaned softly and rolled his head from side to side, purring softly as Frank began to rub his fingertip in little circles around his anus. His stomach quivered nervously for a second but then he began to relax, reminding himself that Frank hadn’t seemed too uncomfortable when he had done this to him, and if he decided he couldn’t take it he need only say the word and he knew Frank would stop. 

Frank looked up at Gerard carefully through his eyelashes, making sure he was relaxed before he began to slowly nudge his finger forward, still suckling gently around the head of his penis with soft, slurping noises. 

Gerard sighed and tried to focus on the hot, wet mouth servicing his erection rather than the finger sinking into his ass, but he couldn’t ignore the strange sensation of something going where it quite frankly, didn’t belong. It wasn’t too painful really, just very odd, but by the time Frank had managed to get his whole finger inside Gerard couldn’t deny it was uncomfortable. He hadn’t realised fingers were so _big_. 

“Oomph... Frankie...” He groaned, gritting his teeth and squeezing his eyes shut as Frank began to slowly thrust the digit. 

“Shh...” Frank purred, pulling his mouth away from Gerard’s cock as he kept his moving finger slow and gentle. “It gets better Gee I just... just need to find it...” He mewled, wanting so badly to make Gerard feel good, and he knew it took some getting used to at first, but he was determined to find that special nub that made it all worth it. 

Gerard nodded breathlessly and sighed in slight relief when Frank sucked him back into his mouth, taking him right down until only the base was left this time. If it wasn’t for his insistent sucking and licking then Gerard wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep it up as a second finger joined the first, Frank pushing the digits deeper and deeper inside the older man as he looked for that special spot. 

“Mmm...” Frank hummed softly to send vibrations down Gerard’s length as he wriggled his fingers slightly. He wasn’t sure when he would know when he’d found that special place, all he knew was that it was a nub but Gerard hadn’t really gone into great detail of its whereabouts. But to Frank’s surprise it was actually easy to locate, though his fingers barely glanced over the nub deep inside the older man he knew he had found it when Gerard gasped sharply and bucked his hips. 

Frank slowly raised his head, until Gerard’s cock slipped from between his slightly swollen lips and Frank used his free hand to raise it again, licking over the head as he began rubbing his fingertips over that sweet little button. He wished his fingers were longer, feeling like he could access more if they could only stretch a few more inches but Gerard didn’t seem to care, already writhing softly on the floor as he gasped and moaned huskily. 

Gerard’s ass was clenching gently around Frank’s fingers as he panted on the floor, the sensation working its way up his body like nothing he had ever felt before. He had held onto the faith that the fingering would be worth it in the end but it was much better than he had ever let himself hope. 

Frank sucked gently on the tip of Gerard’s erection, keeping his attention to the sensitive head and fraenulum as pre cum oozed from the tip in copious amounts. Frank loved the taste of Gerard’s cum and he didn’t care if that was wrong of him. He didn’t know how this special spot the two men had found made more cum but Frank decided he loved it as sucked eagerly for more, pouting gently to smear it over his lips before sucking again and letting it drip down the side of his chin.

Gerard watched Frank through half lidded, slightly amazed eyes. He had never seen anything so filthy in his life and yet it was just turning him on even more. He whimpered softly as Frank gently rubbed his fingertips inside him, touching that spot that made his body feel like it was on fire with pleasure. He moaned softly but desperately, gyrating his hips as Franks sinful mouth just made him feel even closer and closer.

“O – Oh God Frankie... y – you’re gonna make me cum...” He mewled, unable to look at Frank anymore as his cum smeared lips spread cream all down his length as he began bobbing his head over him, sucking him all in and hollowing his cheek as his tongue did wicked things men with as little experience as he had shouldn’t be able to do. 

Frank was enjoying himself immensely, not feeling sick at all anymore as he just indulged himself and threw his dignity out of the window, getting sticky and filthy as he rubbed eagerly over Gerard’s prostate with his fingertips. He couldn’t wait for him to cum, his teeth grazing over his length gently as he sucked hungrily at the slit leaking strings and strings of pre cum. Gerard felt like Frank was trying to suck his cum right out of him, like his dick was a straw and he groaned and growled as he felt his orgasm rising. 

“Frank... F – Frank... Oh God... Frank I can’t... I can’t hold on anymore...” He choked, his hands moving to tangle into the younger man’s hair and pull softly, the most delicious moan Frank had ever heard spilling from his lips as he exploded into his mouth. 

Frank had just enough time to take the head back into his mouth before Gerard came, his eyes squeezing shut as cum shot across his tongue over and over again, barely giving him time to swallow it down. His fingers thrust gently to keep Gerard cumming, dragging is orgasm out as long as he could before Gerard shuddered, collapsing against the rug and shivering as Frank gently withdrew his fingers.

For a long moment the younger man continued sucking ever so tenderly on the tip of Gerard’s softening erection, only letting it drop when Gerard yanked him up by the hair to give his sensitized dick a rest. He felt completely spent but he couldn’t help but moan a little again when he looked at Frank. The younger man was gazing at him with lust shined eyes, his hair pulled in Gerard’s tight grip but he was still grinning devilishly at him, his lips a little swollen with drops of cum still shining on them. Gerard felt like he could die as Frank slowly licked it all away, giggling when Gerard groaned and dropped his head back down again.

“Oh God Frankie... I’m starting to learn a lot about you.” He chuckled breathlessly, weakly shuffling back into his breeches as Frank lay down leisurely on his chest and gazed lovingly up at him.

“Mm... what about me? That I’m actually a total harlot?” He asked playfully, Gerard smirking as he played with his hair. 

“Exactly.” He smirked, Frank mewling and slapping his chest lightly before pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. 

“Mm... well, I don’t even care cos’ – Can you smell burning?” Frank paused for a moment, gasping in horror when he realised they’d forgotten about the food and Gerard laughed, watching with an amused smirk as Frank panicked and rushed about to save the rice before it was too late.

Gerard though did nothing at all, too busy basking in the afterglow to offer any assistance to his flustered lover… or, he mused, perhaps Frank was now his boyfriend…


	7. Make love like a man

The weeks in Hangtown were passing by like grains of sand in an hourglass, months creeping by like shadows in the night until Frank could hardly believe that he had been in the town for six months already. 

Some men had left but even more had arrived, the town expanding as more cabins were built and the river got filled with men panning for gold. Frank and Gerard’s spot now had more men using it but they were all new and most of them timid so it was fine. Sam kept to his top part of the river and only let who he wanted pan there too. He still bothered Frank and Gerard on a daily basis but his cruel hinting and threats were all empty and people barely even listened anymore. 

Frank and Gerard had created a routine that suited them perfectly, their relationship growing more solid as they learnt more about each other and grew closer with each day. By now they had no secrets from each other, and each night was spent making out before going to sleep. Most nights involved some sort of sexual activity too, though they hadn’t tried sex yet. The conversation had come up a few times about whether they should try it, and it seemed to be a mutual decision that Frank would be the ‘girl’ in the situation. They had used fingers on each other plenty of times but it seemed that Frank could handle the most, and he seemed to enjoy it more too. 

Frank was eager to give all of himself to Gerard, but whenever the heat of the moment took over them and they thought maybe it was time one or both of them would back out. Two men sleeping together wasnt unheard of, but that didn’t stop it from being terrifying. Frank didn’t want to be such a coward, he wanted desperately to be able to _just do it_ but every time they got close he just couldn’t... 

He supposed part of him was terrified that Gerard was going to leave...

Both men received letters from home every month, sometimes even twice a month. Frank had always been good at writing and reading, Gerard not so much, but the shorter man had helped him and now Gerard was able to communicate with his loved ones much easier. 

Back home Franks ma and grandmother were doing just fine. The little bit of gold he sent them each month was helping them get by, and Frank’s mother had taken up a job too to help. She hadn’t given Frank the details of the job, and he hadn’t asked for them. There were only so many things women could do for cash back home and he didn’t want to think what his mother could be getting up to just so she could put food on the table. Sometimes the guilt would eat away at him, but Gerard would hold him and softly remind him that once he’d got all the gold he’d planned to then he could go home and his family would be living comfortably until the end of their days.

Consoled by this thought Frank worked hard to get the gold he needed, and writing home and receiving letters back was always a pleasure for him. But things in the Way household were not so fine.

In the past couple months Gerard’s brother Mikey had taken a turn for the worse. When Gerard had found out he had sent a lot of the gold he had been saving in the hopes it could provide his brother with just enough medical attention to keep him alive. He didn’t have enough for the doctor they were counting on, but every day Gerard worked harder than ever, later than ever, and his gold was building up steadily again. 

Frank did his best to work just as hard as his lover but Gerard was always richer than him. Partly because of his extra experience and partly because of the savings he had already had when he arrived. Frank knew it was incredibly selfish of him to hope that Gerard would stay here until they both had all the gold they wanted, and of course he would never ask of such a thing. But he knew that it would only be a matter of time until Gerard had all the gold he needed and then he would rush away to save his brother and Frank... Frank would be alone.

The younger man worried himself sick about it some nights. Nights when the moon was so full and bright Gerard would take advantage of the light and keep on panning sometimes for days in a row, taking only small naps on the river bank and relying on Frank to bring him food each morning. Frank stayed out with him sometimes but he felt like when he did he only got in the way, so he had stopped. 

He knew Gerard was desperately worried for his brother, and Frank wanted him to save him just as much as he did. But he guessed that was why whenever they got close to having sex Frank would tense up and turn his face away. He wasn’t sure he could do it... wasn’t sure he could give himself to a man he knew was only going to leave him when the time was right. 

Gerard knew none of this of course. He thought that Frank was simply scared for the pain it might bring to have someone push into his most private of places and the older man deeply respected that fear. He never tried to push Frank into sex, and both men drifted along happily in their relationship, pretending their lack of total intimacy didn’t bother them. But... It had been six months already. Gerard wondered if he would ever get to truly love Frank in the most passionate of ways... and Frank wondered if he would ever be able to prove to Gerard how much he trusted him and open up to him completely.

xXx

Gerard smiled softly at Frank as he walked into the cabin. The moon the last three nights had been big and bright and he’d been able to stay out on the river for them all. There were some clouds already settling in for the night though so he knew he’d have no such luck tonight, so he had gone down to the river to wash before coming back to the cabin at last. 

Frank looked up at Gerard as he walked in, putting his panning gear in the corner and slipping off his clothes with a small yawn. 

“Mm... How are you my love?” He asked gently when Frank didn’t make any sign of greeting him and the shorter man shrugged, stirring a stew he was cooking. He had expected Gerard would return when he had seen the clouds so he had had the sense to make enough for the two of them. “Frankie?”

Gerard bit his lip when Frank didn’t reply and he slipped on some warm fleecy trousers before padding over to his lover. He sat down beside him and gently laid a hand on his shoulder, brushing his fingertips over the base of his neck. 

“Love?”

“I missed you.” Frank whispered softly, not looking at Gerard, his tone hurt and accusatory. “You’ve barely spoke to me these past few days. I know you like to pan at night whenever you can and that’s fine, but you could at least acknowledge me in the day. I never know where I stand with you sometimes.” He sighed and Gerard blinked stupidly at him for a moment. 

“I... I’m sorry. I didn’t know I... Was upsetting you.” He mumbled quietly, his voice full of guilt. He knew he could become quite withdrawn when he grew obsessed with his panning, but Frank had never seemed to mind before. “You know I just get a little... obsessive. I need to be... for Mikey.” He mewled, wanting Frank to understand again. 

“I know.” Frank sighed, his tone a little snappy and he pulled the hook with the pan dangling from out of the fire, ladling the stew into two bowls and handing one to Gerard before just turning to face the fire again as he ate. He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn’t help it. The more he saw Gerard’s savings grow the more terrified he became of losing him.

“Frankie?” Gerard mewled, holding his bowl but not touching the food as he stared at the side of Frank’s face, his heart twisting with pain. “Are you mad at me? Please don’t be. I could... I could stop panning at night, if you wanted.” He whimpered, eager to do anything to make Frank smile at him again. He hadn’t paid him any attention in the past few days, he knew that, but he had missed him too. He had wanted to come back tonight and be welcomed with open arms and those soft, warm kisses he loved so much. He supposed that had been naive and a little arrogant of him.

“I... I don’t want that.” Frank sighed after a moment, lowering his head and relaxing his tensed shoulders. How could he ask Gerard to do such a thing when his brother’s life depended on him? 

Suddenly Frank felt guilty and he gently put down his bowl so that he could crawl with a quiet mewl into Gerard’s lap. The older man sighed and wrapped his arms around him instantly, putting his own bowl down so he could cradle his lover close and gently kiss his lips. He felt a little better when Frank kissed him back without hesitation, snuggling up into his chest in the warmth of the fire. 

“I’m sorry... I’m being selfish. I know it’s important you pan whenever you can. Just ignore me, I was being ridiculous.” He sighed, bowing his head against Gerard’s chest and smiling when a hand touched his own and laced their fingers.

“You weren’t being ridiculous... or selfish. I should have paid you more attention, I’m sorry.” Gerard whispered back, smiling when Frank tipped his face up so they could share soft, apologetic kisses. He knew he would only pan at night next chance he got anyway, but he made a mental note to be more observant of Frank’s emotions, especially in the days following his nights on the river. He had to be careful he didn’t push Frank away; it would kill him if he did. He loved the younger man more than he could ever say.   
Frank closed his eyes as he hid his face in Gerard’s chest, the older man’s hands gently stroking through his hair and over his back and neck. The arms around him were warm and strong and Frank relaxed as he cuddled into him. He still ached from the days of not spending any real time with Gerard, but he pushed his emotions aside. He knew they were unfair and uncalled for, and he would not jeopardize what he and Gerard had just because he wanted more attention.

Gerard waited until Frank had completely relaxed in his arms before he slid their bowls of stew close again and Frank stayed huddled up against his chest as they ate. They talked softly over their food but they didn’t mention their families, their gold or their incomplete sex life.   
When they finished eating they rinsed their bowls using a bucket of water outside the door and then stacked them by the fire. Frank was the first to crawl into bed, his own this time instead of Gerard’s like usual. When the older man had finished getting undressed and he realised Frank’s back was facing him he hesitated, unsure what to do. 

Was Frank still mad at him?

Gerard sighed and stood unsure and naked in the middle of the room for a moment before he sensed that maybe Frank just didn’t want to see him right now and he made his way to his own bed and slid beneath the sheets. He laid facing Frank’s back for a while from across the room, feeling lonely and cold in his bed all by himself, but eventually his days of working pretty much nonstop got the better of him and so he rolled over and drifted to sleep alone.

Frank lay facing the wall with his eyes open and his fingers curled over his blanket. He hadn’t slept on opposite sides of the room to Gerard since the first night they had shared a bed and it felt all wrong and awkward. He knew Gerard had only gone to his own bed because Frank was being cold towards him, but the younger man just couldn’t help himself. He wanted Gerard to know how it felt to not get the attention you were expecting. 

After a while the silence of the room was disrupted by the quiet, gentle snores coming from Gerard as he slept deeply. Frank’s heart ached more at the sound and he slowly rolled over to watch the older man sleeping. He himself couldn’t sleep, not without Gerard, not whilst they were so unsure of where each other stood. Frank knew it was his own fault; he was the one pushing Gerard away and why? Because he was scared he was going to leave? Just to save his brother. It was so _selfish_ and Frank knew it. 

Frank sighed and slowly slid out of bed, pausing until he was certain Gerard wasn’t going to wake up before he padded across the cabin to the stack of letters they had both been acquiring from their family. They had never read each other’s letters, Frank for one didn’t have anything to hide, it was just... they just read their own and then heard about the others. Frank knew all about the letters Gerard received from his family, but he had never read one.

Frank didn’t know what motivated him to do it as he slowly sifted through the sheets of cheap, thin paper; looking for the last one Gerard had received from his brother. Gerard had never really said that Frank wasn’t allowed to look at them, but he had never exactly given him permission either. Frank just... he just wanted to understand better was all. 

Once Frank found the right letter he wandered over to the fire that was just starting to die in the grate. It was giving off just enough light to read by if he sat super close to it. He settled down and glanced over his shoulder at Gerard still snoring peacefully in his bed, once it was clear he wasn’t going to wake up Frank unfolded the letter and, though feeling consumed with guilt, knowing he was reading something private, his eyes began to drift over the neat, slanted writing of Michael Way.

_My dearest brother Gerard,  
I cannot thank you enough for the gold you sent us last month. It was enough to pay for a consultation from the local doctor and he gave me some more medication to take. I feel better for it but I will not lie to you and say I am fit and well again.   
The illness in me is taking its toll and I fear I don’t have much time left Gerard. My hands shake so much now a days that I have had to have Alicia write this for me as I speak, which is why this handwriting is not mine, as I’m sure you noticed.   
Rose is doing very well, though she misses her uncle Gee dearly. When I look at her Gerard I see so much of her mother in her. She’s the most beautiful little girl in the whole world, I wish so much that you could see her. I just hope that when you get back I will still be here to witness you getting to hold her again. I don’t want to upset you, or make you feel rushed in coming home. I just know my time is coming.   
It feels so strange to know I will be dying so young. In your last letter you assured me you were going to get the money we need for the physician in New York but Gerard... oh, my dear, sweet brother, how I love your constant hope. I fear that if it had not been for your positive attitude all these years I would have let this illness take me sooner. Your strength has been, and always will be, invaluable to me.   
Gerard... If I could ask God for one thing now it would be that I shall hold out long enough to see you one more time. I wish you hadn’t left, but I know you’re doing this for me. Just please, hurry home. I miss you dearly, and I often think of when I was a child and you would hold me through all those bad times. I want to be held by you again, I want to feel young again, and have you rock me and tell me it will all be okay. How foolish I must sound! Alicia is laughing at me even as she writes, though she cries too.   
Gerard... my brother. You have done so much for me, but I must ask just one more thing. When I go, for I fear it shall be soon, please take care of Alicia for me and of course sweet, little Rose. Alicia is frowning at me now, she insists I will be fine but some days I feel so weak I can barely breathe. I miss you so... we all do. But let me not finish this on a sour note, allow me to say that I hope you are doing well and I look forward to your every letter. When I receive a new one I always feel as excited as a child at Christmas!  
Write soon my brother, and tell me more of this Frank fellow you mentioned. It is so good you finally have a friend in that dreadful place. This gentleman must be a true, honest man for you to have accepted him into your life and I do hope I can meet him someday too.  
We all send our love to you Gerard,   
Hurry home and God bless,   
Your brother,   
Michael James Way._  
Frank sighed as he slowly folded the letter back up and bowed his head. For a long while he just sat silently in front of the dying fire and held the letter gently in his hands. He suddenly felt guiltier than ever, tears pricking at his eyes and threatening to spill over.

Suddenly Mikey felt so much more... real. Of course he knew he was a real person, but to read words he had spoken, to see the handwriting of the woman he clearly loved so dearly, it made him so much more solid somehow. Frank had had no idea how bad things really were, when he had watched Gerard read this letter he had made no sign that Mikey had been talking of dying, that he had made such a beautiful plea for Gerard to come home. He had simply read the letter, silently folded it back up and smiled weakly at Frank as he had said that things were ‘better’. 

Better... yes. But not good enough.

Frank sighed and tried to push his tears back. Mikey must be such a strong man, to speak so calmly and politely about his own death. To ask for his brother to be there for his wife and child when he died with such composure. It seemed that Gerard’s brother was a man who had resigned himself to his fate, but would not go down in sadness with it. And Gerard... sweet, sweet Gerard...

Frank glanced over his shoulder at him and felt his heart give a strange swooping sensation in his chest. Gerard had made it clear enough times that he and Mikey were very close, and for him to go through all this as if it was nothing. To give Frank just the barest details so that he could pretend it wasn’t as bad as it really was... how strong must he be? To hold his head up high and work hard each day, to read letters like this and use them to motivate him to work harder and not just simply break down. 

Frank knew that if he was Gerard he would have given up by now. He would have spent the last few weeks since the letter simply sobbing in bed. But he guessed that just proved how much stronger Gerard was than him... and he was being so selfish as to try and stop him from working so hard. God, he was practically killing Mikey himself by wishing Gerard would pay more attention to him. He was a fool.

Frank lowered his head into his hands and gripped his hair gently for a moment. He felt awful... Right now Gerard needed his support, and yes, he probably was going to leave for home soon. But he had no choice, if he didn’t get the gold he needed and get home then Mikey would never be saved. 

Frank forced himself to his feet and gently put the letter back where he’d found it, turning slowly to look at Gerard sleeping in the light from the embers in the fire. He looked so beautiful, but not peaceful. His lips were pouted softly and his brow was slightly furrowed. Frank wondered if that was worry for Mikey or just restlessness for going to sleep with things still off between them. Either way, the sight made Frank’s heart twist and thud painfully and his body tingled strangely. 

Gerard would leave him eventually, but not because he didn’t want to be with him. Because he had to save his brother. And Frank wanted nothing more than for Mikey to get better too. But before Gerard left Frank wanted... needed him to know how much he loved him. Needed him to know that when Frank eventually reached the point when he could leave too he hoped that Gerard would meet with him in New Jersey so they could be together again. He had to give Gerard everything, only then could he get everything in return.

Frank was silent as he padded across the room to Gerard’s bed and softly brushed his fingertips through his hair. He stroked his thumb over his cheekbone and caressed the side of his face gently. 

Gerard stirred a little and his frown smoothed out as he nestled up into Frank’s touch. He sighed softly and Frank felt the warm breath sail over his palm, making his heart give that strange swooping sensation again. He bit his lip and moved his fingers deeper into his lover’s hair and bent down to press the lightest of kisses against his parted lips.

Gerard’s eyelids began to flutter as Frank pulled back and gently nudged Gerard’s shoulder so he moved sleepily to lie on his back. The older man’s eyes began to open as Frank slowly drew the covers back so that he could slip his leg over Gerard’s hips and settle down above him, kneeling with his legs on either side of Gerard’s. Their naked bodies touched lightly and Gerard yawned as he rubbed his eyes, his free hand coming out to touch Frank’s hip.

“F – Frankie?” He whispered softly, his voice gravelly from sleep and he sighed questioningly as Frank slid his hands gently up his stomach to his chest. 

“Hey...” He mumbled sheepishly, idly tracing patterns over Gerard’s collarbone as he looked at him with some nervousness in his eyes which Gerard noticed instantly as he lowered his fist away from his own eyes. 

“What are you doing?” He asked gruffly, reaching his hand up to cup Frank’s cheek and his heart missed a beat when Frank leaned into his palm, never moving his gaze from Gerard’s. Frank had a solemn look in his eyes, his face blank and serious, though beneath it all was a warmth and softness and Gerard was relieved to realise that whatever animosity Frank had felt towards him before was now gone. 

“I... I wanted to come see you.” Frank shrugged softly, innocently enough as he moved his eyes away from Gerard’s and bit his lip, still drawing on his chest. “I’m sorry for earlier. I can see how wrong I was now. Please,” He lay a finger over Gerard’s lips as he went to speak, cutting him off. “Don’t tell me I wasn’t. I was, I was being selfish. Just say you forgive me... please.” He whispered, Gerard nodding silently, stunned. 

“Of course... I forgive you Frankie.” He whispered gently back once Frank moved his finger away. He didn’t think that he needed to forgive Frank at all, but if it was what the younger man wanted then he would give it him. He would give him anything. “I love you.” He mewled, Frank’s lips finally curving up into a gentle smile and he bent down to share a tender kiss with Gerard.

“I love you too Gee...” He purred against his lips, smiling as he caressed his chest gently and pulled back to gaze once more into his hazel eyes, a dark churning brown in the darkness of the room, framed with black lashes that looked so thick and seductive in his sleepy state. “That’s why I’ve decided I... I’m ready.” 

“I... I don’t understand.” Gerard frowned, unsure what Frank was getting at. He had his suspicion but... he had been ready for sex for six months now and Frank never seemed certain and he didn’t know what could have made him so sure now. “Frankie –”

“Shh.” Frank hushed him softly, laying his finger over his lips once more and smiling gently. “I love you. I want you to make love to me Gee. I want you to... to have all of me. I want to be all yours.” He whispered gently, his heart hammering in his chest. He wasn’t really nervous... just... he couldn’t believe he was finally sure. He had no doubt now that he wanted this, that he didn’t even care if Gerard left and never saw him again. Frank would be his anyway, forever. 

“Frankie... We don’t have to do this.” Gerard whispered, moving Frank’s finger away from his lips and gently lacing their fingers as he sat up and leant on his elbows. “We don’t.” He insisted but Frank only smiled warmly at him and shook his head.

“I know we don’t. But I _want_ to Gee. Right now. If... If you want to.” He whispered softly, smiling hopefully at Gerard and when the older man gazed steadily into his eyes Frank didn’t shy away from the gaze. Gerard sighed and smiled gently back when he saw that Frank wasn’t frightened, he looked serene and sure. Ready to commit to his decision, ready to give his whole body to him. He looked so relaxed, so... beautiful.

“Frankie...” Gerard sighed and sat up properly, Frank sliding down his lap a little but his gaze didn’t move, his smile widening when Gerard cupped his face. “You know I would want nothing more.” He smiled, Frank sighing with relief and wrapping his arms around Gerard’s neck.

“Then let’s not waste any more time talking about it. Let’s do it Gee. Let’s just... let’s just do it, right now.” He beamed, leaning forward and smiling as Gerard did the same, the two of them meeting in a deep kiss that sparked electricity all over their skin.

Gerard slid his hands down to rest on Frank’s biceps, kissing him deeply but gently as he slowly manoeuvred their bodies so that Frank was now on his back with Gerard on top of him. He felt so pleased when Frank stayed perfectly relaxed, his legs opening slowly and one came up to hook around Gerard’s waist, dragging his body gently closer as their tongues touched. 

There was no fight for dominance, their tongues simply rubbing together as hands dragged through hair and massaged down bodies. Gerard’s fingertips played with Frank’s nipples until they were hard and sensitive, Frank mewling in delight at the gentle caresses to all the good spots on his body. 

Gerard bucked his hips gently when one of Frank’s hands came down to squeeze at his ass and tug him closer, their semis sliding together. They didn’t stop their slow, hungry kissing as their hips started rocking as one. By now they had already discovered a rhythm perfect for them both after months of simple things like this and in no time at all their penis’ had filled with blood and were hard and throbbing as they pressed together.

Frank’s head was hazy as he relaxed against the sheets and opened his legs wider, his heart racing frantically behind his ribs. He loved the feeling of Gerard’s body above his, the weight of him making Frank feel so complete, lost in a cage of Gerard’s arms as he sucked gently at his mouth, their tongues dancing. When Frank opened his eyes all he could see was Gerard, all he could feel was Gerard, everything in that moment was _all_ Gerard; Frank had never felt safer.

Gerard broke the kiss to look down at Frank for a moment, his stomach full of fluttering as he gazed at the most beautiful man he had ever seen. Frank always looked best in these moments, when his eyes glittered and shone and his lips turned red from kissing. His stomach was sucking against his spine and then expanding again with his heavy breathing and every contour of his body, every dip and curve and muscle became more apparent. 

The head of Gerard’s penis twitched at the sight of him, his heart aching at his beauty. He could never put into words how much he loved Frank at that moment, how that love for him blended so neatly into lust. It wasn’t carnal or filthy, and Gerard definitely didn’t see it as wrong. For him... for them both... it just felt so natural. It was what they were supposed to do, how could they ever fight it?

Frank smiled gently at Gerard as they gazes locked for a moment, a couple of Gerard’s fingers tracing over his lower lip. Frank knew the drill and he parted his lips, closing his eyes as he sucked the digits into his mouth and coated them in saliva. Gerard’s hips didn’t stop their gentle rocking and Frank’s erection throbbed with need, his teeth nipping playfully at Gerard’s fingers before he let them go.

Gerard smiled as he bent down to go back to their passionate kissing, Frank’s arms finding their way back around his neck as one of the slickened fingers began nudging against his anus. He was used to the fingers by now and in no time at all both were pressed inside him, thrusting and scissoring as Gerard rubbed them over that special little button inside him. 

Frank moaned quietly into Gerard’s mouth and gyrated his hips slowly, moving his ass over the fingers and mewling softly for more. Gerard took his time though, stretching him as much as he could and making sure he was as prepared as he could be before he slowly withdrew them. 

When he broke the kiss Frank knew what he was going to ask and he smiled serenely at him as played with his hair. 

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am.” 

There were no nerves in either of their voices, the exchange simply customary though both knew what the other would say. Gerard smiled softly back at Frank and pressed a chaste kiss to his lips before pulling back again. For this he wanted to watch his face, to be sure he was as comfortable as possible as he slid into him. He knew it would hurt, but he hoped it wouldn’t be too bad. 

“I’ll be gentle.” He promised softly as he spat into his palm and began smoothing the wetness all over his pulsing erection, Frank nodding and spreading his legs as wide as he could and tilting his hips up so that Gerard would have a perfect angle to slip into him. He had no doubt what was about to happen was going to hurt like hell, but that didn’t frighten him. Looking at Gerard just convinced him even more that he had to do this. He would go through the pain if it meant he could finally give all of himself to this man and that relaxed him.

“I love you.” He smiled, his eyes sparkling with playfulness at the cliché and Gerard chuckled, shaking his head fondly and gently laying a hand over Franks hips to keep them down as he began to angle his own hips, shuffling forward and leaning over Frank until the head of his penis was pressed against Frank’s ass.

“Okay?” He checked, Frank nodding and leaning up to quickly peck his lips.

“I’m ready.” He assured him, smiling as he lay back and placed his hands lightly on Gerard’s shoulders, bracing himself for the oncoming intrusion though he didn’t tense at all. Gerard nodded and took a moment to make sure his composure was all in check before he began to ever so slowly nudge forward.

“Just hold onto me as much as it hurts.” He breathed softly and Frank nodded, closing his eyes as he tipped his head back and clenched his teeth. He could feel his sphincter muscles starting to relax and open him up as Gerard pushed forward, the pain not as bad as he first imagined. The domed head moved steadily forward at as slow a pace as Gerard could make, Frank breathing deeply and steadily to keep himself relaxed, though his heart was like a frightened bird caged in his ribs.

Gerard watched Frank’s face closely as he moved, reading every sign his body made as he nudged into him. He could feel tight warmth encasing the head of his erection as he moved and as soon as he got past the first curve the rest suddenly slid in. He gasped as the entire head disappeared into Frank and the younger man hissed in surprise, frowning deeply and his hands suddenly gripped tight to Gerard’s shoulders.

Gerard stopped instantly, stunned himself at the sudden way Frank had seemed to drag him in and for a long moment neither moved. Frank could feel his muscles tensed tight around Gerard, trying to fight off the intrusion, his ass aching. Now the head was inside him he felt uncomfortable and it hurt a little, but soon the pain subsided and he slowly relaxed his grip on Gerard’s shoulders, letting him know it was okay to carry on.

Gerard exhaled slowly and recomposed before he began to continue pushing his hips ever so slowly forward. Now he had the head of his erection inside him the shaft was much easier to get inside. He spat onto his palm again and spread more saliva over it as he nudged into Frank, stopping every time the grip on his shoulders got even just a little bit tighter. 

About half way in Frank gripped so tight his nails dug into Gerard’s skin and he hissed in soft pain as he stopped. Frank was tensed up and his face was contorted in pain but he moved his hips in slow circles to move his ass a little. Gerard held his breath and just kept perfectly still, waiting until Frank relaxed again and lay still, nodding as he once more loosened his grip.

After that Gerard was able to slowly push the rest of his length into his boyfriend, pausing once he was fully seated inside him but Frank’s hands stayed loose on his shoulders and his eyes opened slowly, his lips curving into a gentle smile. 

“You okay?” Gerard whispered softly, Frank nodding and leaning up to gently kiss him.

“Mmm... M’fine. I feel so... full.” He giggled, his body relaxed and open. It did feel strange having Gerard inside him, and there was some pain but stronger than all that was the feeling of pure happiness. He couldn’t believe he had got through it, that he had been able to relax and let Gerard push all the way in. He felt so attached to him, and not just literally, it was... perfect. 

“Um... you can move now.” He added with a giggle when Gerard just grinned stupidly at him and the older man blushed, smiling bashfully as he nodded.

“O –Oh, sorry. Course...” He chuckled, Frank laughing softly and wrapping his arms gently around his neck. He smiled as Gerard kissed him passionately but tenderly for a moment before just resting their lips together as he began to gently thrust his hips. 

It stung just a little bit for Frank but he didn’t care, all he could think about was how the man he loved was moving inside him, gently brushing against his prostate as his hands held his hips gently. Frank sighed and laid back, both legs coming up to wrap around Gerard’s waist as he lifted and lowered his hips in time with the older man’s gentle thrusts. The pace was slow at first, but Gerard began to speed up as the pleasure grew, but he never stopped being gentle which Frank was grateful for. Behind all the pleasure there was a soft, nagging pain, but it only made it feel more intense as he tipped his head back and moaned freely for all the world to hear.

Gerard watched Frank for a while as he softly rocked his hips, his erection rubbing against Frank’s inner walls as they gripped tightly to his engorged member. The younger man was so incredibly tight, so incredibly warm, and soon the pleasure was almost too much and Gerard had to duck his face into Frank’s neck and just inhale his sweet scent as he made love to him. 

Franks whole body was on fire as Gerard stroked into him again and again, nudging against that special spot inside him and sending tingles up his spine. His erection was weeping cum onto his stomach and he just couldn’t hold onto Gerard tight enough, his arms and legs clinging to him in a koala grip as he moaned and sighed into his ear. 

“Oh Gee... So good sugar... love you so much...” He whimpered, panting softly as he rode through the incredible pleasure Gerard was causing, the well of emotions inside him making his heart race and ache so wonderfully. 

“Mmph... love you too... ooh... God Frankie, you’re so... so tight...” Gerard moaned back, his hands pulling Frank’s hips down to get deeper inside him as he thrust quickly and gently, pleasure building in his abdomen and bursting like little fireworks that tugged at his balls and made his orgasm sweep up over him. 

“Oh God! Oh God, Frankie I... I’m gonna...” He couldn’t say it, didn’t want to say it. He wanted the moment to last forever, he never wanted to leave the warmth of Frank’s body. Never wanted to let this second go. 

“Gee... Me too... me too love.” Frank groaned back, the feeling of his orgasm hitting him bitter sweet as he clung to his lover, not wanting to stop this feeling of incredible closeness but it was just too much and within seconds and I couple more well aimed thrusts he was spilling his release all over their stomachs.

Frank moaned softly against Gerard’s neck as he came, his limbs holding tight as his body shuddered and his muscles clenched in rhythmic spasms. Gerard couldn’t hold on against such an onslaught of sensation and he surrendered himself to his climax, groaning in delight as he came inside Frank, flooding him with his seed as they hold each other tight.

It felt like forever yet still not long enough as they milked their orgasms for all they were worth, spilling rope after rope of cum over and in each other before Gerard collapsed onto Frank and just breathed heavily against his neck.

Frank felt like he could cry he was so overcome from the wonder of the moment, but for God’s sake he was a man and just because he had laid back and opened his legs like a woman did not mean he was going to cry after sex like one. He swallowed the lump down in his throat and sighed as he smiled, panting softly whilst he stroked Gerard’s hair.

Gerard too had to scold himself for feeling tears in his eyes but he held them back with ease, soon feeling just high off the moment and he weakly lifted himself up so he could press tender kisses to Frank’s lips. When he pulled his softening penis out of him he winced at the sensitivity and Frank grimaced at the feeling of cum spilling out from his ass as his muscles clenched gently over and over. The sheets would need some serious washing but neither cared, only shared soft, slightly drunken kisses as they curled up in one another’s arms under the covers.

Frank didn’t quite know what to say in that moment, wanting Gerard to know how incredible he felt, how perfect he had been but he just couldn’t find the words. But when he gazed into his eyes he saw Gerard already knew and that he felt the same, so they simply smiled and shared tiny kisses in comfortable silence before they finally slumped against the pillows and fell into deep, blissful sleeps.


	8. Wish him luck as you wave him goodbye

Frank woke up that morning to another sunny, hot day. Gerard was already awake and making coffee, the rich scent making Frank smile as he stretched his arms and legs with a soft groan. When he opened his eyes again he smirked at how Gerard was bending down to pour a little more water into one of the mugs, his naked ass giving Frank quite the welcome wake up.

“Mmph... You look so good right now Gee, you know that?” He purred, Gerard jumping in surprise and spinning to look at him, his cheeks blazing red.

“Oh, Frankie! I didn’t know you were up.” He squeaked, blushing deeper and trying to cover his manhood with his hands, difficult whilst still holding the hot kettle. 

“Hey, don’t be bashful. I’ve seen it all before.” Frank smirked as he sat up and Gerard chuckled softly, getting over his initial shock at being caught naked and he turned to put the kettle down before carrying the two mugs of coffee back to the bad. 

“I know.” He smirked, sitting down next to Frank and smiling as the younger man promptly curled up against his chest, taking one of the mugs with a soft ‘thanks’. “How are you feeling?” Gerard asked gently, stroking his lover’s waist tenderly as he looked at him. Frank smiled dreamily and sipped his coffee, looking up at Gerard with a soft pout. 

“Mm... I feel great, you?” He asked innocently, smiling when Gerard answered by kissing him softly but passionately for a long moment. 

“Mmph... Never better.” He smirked as they broke, chuckling when Frank blinked stupidly at him for a moment before promptly leaning up to kiss him deeply again. 

Frank sank against Gerard’s chest as he softly worked his lips over his, their tongues touching just briefly before they locked their lips instead and just held onto each other. Frank’s ass did hurt a little bit but he barely noticed, the rest of him still tingly all over from the amazing night they had shared, and what made it better was knowing how happy Gerard was too.

“Mm... I love you.” Frank whispered when they gently broke apart again, Gerard smiling warmly at him as his heart fluttered in his chest. 

“I love you too Frankie.” He breathed, hugging the shorter man close as they fell quiet and drank their coffees in comfortable silence. 

The night before Gerard was convinced something truly magical had happened. He didn’t know what had made Frank suddenly decide that he was ready for sex, but when the younger man had woke him up just to make love to him Gerard had felt like he was dreaming the whole time. He felt so happy that they weren’t mad at each other anymore, and even though it had been hours since they had had their bodies slotted together so perfectly his heart was still beating out of time, like someone was holding it and giving it a little squeeze every now and then. Every time he looked at Frank he felt like he was on fire, the man had given himself to him and Gerard had never felt more blessed.

“Frankie, can I ask you something?” He mewled softly after a moment, Frank looking up at him with a nod. 

“Of course.”

“What made you decide you were ready?” 

Frank blushed deeply at Gerard’s question and bit his lip, idly tapping his fingers on his mug as he looked about the room. He couldn’t tell Gerard about reading the letter just in case it had been something private Gerard hadn’t wanted him to see, but he didn’t want to lie to him. 

“Oh well... I erm... Well when we went to bed all mad at each other,” Frank paused at Gerard look and giggled softly, giving a guilty little smile. “Okay okay, when _I_ went to bad mad at _you_ ,” He corrected. “I just... Lay there wondering why I was being like that. I mean... I shouldn’t have got mad at you for panning all night, and as soon as I realised how stupid I was being I just really wanted to make it up to you.” He shrugged, looking up at Gerard through his eyelashes. 

“So... You only let me take you because... you wanted to make it up to me?” Gerard confirmed, his heart twisting a little and Frank sighed, idly tracing patterns on the older man’s chest. 

“Um... Not exactly.” He admitted quietly, Gerard waiting for him to continue as he soothingly stroked his waist. “Honestly I... I was thinking about why you pan so much anyway and I was thinking about Mikey and everything and I... I just knew that I didn’t want you to leave without me giving all of myself to you.” 

Gerard was silent for a long moment when Frank finished speaking, the younger man keeping quiet himself as he looked down at his coffee. 

“I...” Gerard hesitated, looking away for a moment as he closed his eyes and felt his heart thud painfully. He didn’t think Frank had considered the fact that he would eventually have to leave, he had just assumed the younger man hadn’t realised that was case; but now he knew that Frank had been aware of this all along he finally understood why he had been so upset with him. 

“I’m sorry Frank.” He breathed, Frank looking up at him in surprise.

“What for?” He giggled softly, touching Gerard’s cheek and leaning up to peck his lips. “Hm?” 

“I’m sorry that I’ll have to leave.” Gerard mewled, kissing Frank softly for a minute before just holding him close. “I planned to wait until we both had the gold we needed but I... I can’t wait that long Frankie. Mikey needs me and I... I’m so sorry.” 

Frank tensed a little but soon relaxed again, smiling sadly as he curled up closer to Gerard and shared tender kisses with him. It felt strange to hear from the man himself that he would indeed be leaving whilst Frank stayed behind, but he refused to let that make him upset right now. He didn’t want their perfect morning after being ruined. 

“Gerard shh, shh... It’s okay Gee. It is. I knew you’d have to leave before I could and that’s okay. I don’t care, I love you anyway.” He smiled, Gerard looking at him uncertainly, sure Frank was lying to him but when he looked into his eyes they were open and honest and he just melted. 

“Oh Frankie... I love you too.” He sighed, kissing him deeply for a moment before he just hugged him tight and gently stroked his hair. “I’ll always love you...” He whispered and as Frank hid his face in his chest he could only pray that that was true.

xXx

It was only two weeks later when the day Frank had been dreading finally came. 

He and Gerard had been on the river all day like usual and Gerard had washed first whilst Frank made up a stew before Gerard came back and then Frank left to wash. 

He didn’t take long since many other men were also washing at that point, so he simply scrubbed up quickly with the soap and tried to ignore the hungry stares he was getting at his exposed body. He was certainly the youngest there, and one of the most slender. Gerard had once warned him that he was quite feminine looking for a man and so had needed to watch his back, but never was this more obvious than when Frank had to wash with the other men.

By the time he got back to the cabin he was feeling sufficiently creeped out, his skin crawling as he wandered into the wooden building that was his and Gerard’s sanctuary, throwing down his things and flopping down beside the fire with a groan. 

“Ugh, I swear if those guys stared as intently at the river as they did at my ass they’d be rich by now.” He whined, placing his arms behind his head and closing his eyes as he savoured the warmth from the flames. “Well... richer.” He added idly when Gerard only chuckled in reply. 

Frank sat up a little to see what was distracting his lover from pouncing on him as was customary now that they’d finally had sex. Every night bar one or two when they had been too tired they had been indulging in their new found pleasure heights and Frank was still in that ‘honeymoon’ phase where any moment not wrapped around his boyfriend was a moment wasted.

“Gee?” He asked softly, biting his lip when Gerard held up a hand to silence him. Frank rolled his eyes and smiled fondly, watching Gerard with a seductive smirk as he waited for the older man to finish weighing out all his gold. He counted his days earning every night, and often counted Frank’s too since Frank was too lazy most of the time. But this time, when Gerard finished weighing it all and putting it back into its bottle he hesitated and promptly began weighing it out again.

“Is something wrong?” Frank asked quietly but Gerard only held his hand up again. Clearly he was concentrating hard so Frank just stayed silent, watching in bewilderment when Gerard dug out some paper and a pencil from their writing supplies and began jotting down each weight measurement. 

Once each little bottle of gold had been carefully weighed and noted of, the gold safely back in its glass vessel Gerard got busy meticulously adding up the figures. He added them all up five times in a row, getting the same figure before sitting back with a stunned expression. 

“Gee?”

“Will you check this for me?” Gerard suddenly asked, pushing the paper towards Frank with wide, imploring eyes. Frank stared at him for a moment, his heart beginning to race as he feared what was making Gerard so intent on finding out how much gold he had. 

“O – Okay...” He whispered, lying on his front and carefully adding up all the measurements Gerard had noted down. He wrote down the total he came to, the same as Gerard’s other five attempts. “It’s right.” He shrugged, sliding the paper back to Gerard as he bit his lip. “What does it mean?”

“It means...” Gerard breathed, taking the paper and staring at it with wide eyes and trembling hands, as if the paper would suddenly come to life and cry ‘oh I’m kidding!’; when this didn’t happen Gerard turned his head to stare at the neat line of little bottles that were his, his heart racing. “It means I have enough.”

Frank tensed up instantly and felt his face grow stony and emotionless as his whole world crumbled. Those five words were the very words he had been dreading to hear for months now and his heart stopped beating for a second before picking up faster than ever.

“You... You have enough?” He repeated slowly, his eyes staring at Gerard but the faraway look told the older man he was simply staring through him. 

“Yes...” Gerard said softly, his own chest throbbing from the force of his rapid heartbeat. He felt breathless and shocked, his hands shaking. “Enough for the physician in New York and then some... There’s no point in me staying here now, I need to go home and save Mikey.” He whispered, his eyes starting to brim with tears when he saw a drop of water sneak out of the corner of one of Frank’s eyes and run slowly down his cheek.

“I see...” Frank whispered, staring blindly at one of the walls as he tried to take in what this meant. He couldn’t feel the tear that slid down his cheek, or the others that joined in, both cheeks getting streaked with water. He didn’t even notice Gerard coming over to him until he was suddenly encased in warmth, his cheek pressed to Gerard’s chest as he embraced him. 

“Frankie... Oh God, I don’t want to leave you.” He breathed, his own tears beginning to fall as he held Frank close and rocked him gently. Frank felt life return to him, warmed by the strong arms around him and he gently snaked his own arms around Gerard’s waist, laying his hands on the base of his back as he closed his eyes and tried to swallow his tears.

“Don’t be stupid, you need to save Mikey Gee. It’s the whole reason of why you came here at all.” He reminded him softly, his voice broken up by tears as he clung tight to the older man. So this was it? They’d shared some amazing months together and now Gerard was leaving?

Gerard sniffed sadly and nodded, trying to think about how much Mikey needed him right now and not how much he wanted to stay with Frank. His brother was far more important, he hadn’t seen him in so long and he missed him and the rest of his family dearly. He had achieved what he’d set out to do and now he was only a small jaunt away from saving his baby brother. He should have been thrilled but.... all he could think about was the man in his arms who he had come to love more than anything. 

“I guess your right...” He finally croaked, pulling back just far enough to look at Frank’s face and tenderly wipe his tears away as Frank nodded, his lips trembling as he tried to stop himself from sobbing. “But hey... I might not be able to leave for weeks yet; it depends when the next wagon comes by.” He reminded him softly. The only way for anyone to get home was to hitch a ride back on the wagons and carts that brought the new men by. Gerard knew he should be praying that there would be one soon, needing to get home as quickly as possible, but all he felt was tremendous guilt at wanting to stay with Frank as long as he could. 

“Mm... You should go see Ben and find out when the next one is.” Frank sighed softly, leaning into Gerard’s touch as he wiped his tears away. “Go now whilst I finish the cooking.” He suggested, his eyes falling closed as Gerard’s thumbs wiped over his cheeks. 

“Okay.” Gerard whispered, his heart twisting with pain at how clearly upset Frank was. He wished he didn’t have to leave him, but they both knew that if he didn’t Mikey would die and Gerard could not let that happen. “I’ll be right back.” He promised as he gently released Frank, the younger man wiping his eyes and nodding with a forced smile.

“Okay, see you in a minute.” He said as cheerily as he could but his voice was still thick with tears. Gerard pretended not to notice them as he pulled his boots back on and slowly left the cabin, walking down to the food store where he could speak to Ben about when the new arrivals were due. 

As soon as Gerard was gone Frank collapsed against the floor in a fit of sobs, his arms curling around his head so he could cry into them as he let all his pain and horror wash through him. He had of course known all along that Gerard would eventually need to leave, but when he had woke up that morning he hadn’t for one second imagined that day was so soon. He had been so wrapped up in a happy little sex bubble that he hadn’t let himself adjust to the fact that Gerard was going to leave him sooner or later.

Frank allowed himself a moment to just cry, knowing that when Gerard got back he would need Frank to be calm and collected. Frank refused to be selfish anymore, Mikey needed Gerard and so Frank had to let him go. Just because he was leaving didn’t mean they were never going to see each other, eventually Frank would have enough gold to go home too and since they both lived in New Jersey it would be easy to meet then. 

Soothed by this thought Frank slowly managed to wane his tears away and he slowly sat up, patting down his hair and wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. He took a deep breath and forced his head to stop spinning. He still had a lump in his throat and he couldn’t think too deeply on the fact Gerard would be leaving soon or his heart broke all over again, but he just about managed to compose enough to appear fine as he stirred the stew ready for when Gerard got back.

xXx

Frank and Gerard were quiet as they ate their stew, sat together on the bed though both avoided the others gaze. Frank was leaning against Gerard as he ate, needing to feel his warmth but too afraid to look at him just yet. 

It turned out the next lot of new arrivals would be at the town the next morning, meaning that Gerard had only one more night in Hangtown before he left. When he had been told this he had felt sick to the stomach, but yet at the same time there was a little ray of relief inside him knowing that his chance of saving Mikey was even bigger. 

That didn’t stop him from aching at the thought of leaving Frank though.

Frank of course had been devastated when Gerard had returned and told him he was leaving the very next morning, but he had forced his pain back well, bricking it inside himself until he could unleash it once Gerard was gone. He didn’t want the older man to leave thinking Frank would be unable to get by without him, he wanted Gerard to leave thinking that everything was going to be okay. 

Gerard had already packed up all of his things, leaving out only one set of clothes to change into in the morning, all of his gold right at the bottom of his bag where it would be safe. He had written a letter to his family, informing them he was coming home with a rough estimate of what date he would arrive back in New Jersey so they could meet him off the boat, and Frank had walked with him to put into the little post box by the tavern. 

The sudden swing of events had left both men shaken and dizzy, unsure of how to react. Both were trying to stay calm and composed for the other, though it just made their last night together tense and uncertain. 

“Frankie...” Gerard eventually whispered, finally turning his gaze onto the younger man and cupping his face so he looked at him too. “I’m going to miss you.” He said honestly, his voice almost breaking as the lump in his throat threatened to rise and bring the tears he was holding back forth. 

Frank almost began crying all over again himself, but he managed to hold it back, forcing a shaky smile as he nodded. “I’m gonna miss you too Gerard.” He breathed, sighing when he was pulled into a gentle hug. He put his bowl down onto the floor and Gerard did the same so that they could hold each other tighter.

“I’ll write to you all the time...” He promised, Frank nodding silently, too afraid to speak in case only sobs came out. “And when you finally get to come home I’ll be waiting on that dock in Jersey, waiting for you to get off the boat.” He added, Frank’s heart tripping over itself as he took deep breaths to stop himself from crying. 

“I love you Gee.” Was all he could manage to choke out, and then suddenly Gerard’s lips were on his, his hands gently cradling his face as he kissed him deeply and desperately. 

Frank felt instant relief that the talking was over, knowing that if he tried to speak to Gerard now he would only end up sobbing. He had to be strong; he had to make Gerard believe he would be okay. But more importantly, he needed to feel Gerard inside him one last time before he left. 

“Mm... Mmph...” Gerard wound his arms tighter around Frank’s waist and gently lay him back on the bed, resting on top of him as their lips pouted and parted in time, suckling gently and letting tongues sneak forward to touch for just a second. It was a bitter sweet feeling, the kiss deep and intense but it just made Frank feel like they were saying goodbye. 

“Gerard...” He mewled, tugging at the older man’s clothes and bucking his hips up desperately at the same time. “Gerard please... I... I need you to... to be inside me again. Just one more time, please Gee.” He whimpered, his tears almost threatening to fall again but then Gerard broke the kiss, taking a deep breath before touching their lips again but kissing him softer this time. Keeping it tender as he nodded. 

“Of course... Anything you want Frankie.” He mewled back, his own body thrumming with desire for the shorter man, though it was a desire fed from the need to feel Frank one last time rather than pure lust like usual. 

“Let’s just... let’s just not think about me leaving. Please Frankie, let’s just make love.” He breathed, tracing his lips across the line of Frank’s jaw and delicately stripping them both of their clothes. Frank nodded without hesitation, only too happy to forget about the fact Gerard would be leaving in the morning and just melt for him instead.

He sighed and tipped his head back as Gerard gently kissed down to his neck, tangling his fingers into his hair and smoothing the dark locks back so that he could access more olive flesh to suck into his mouth and nip gently. With his naked body pressed against Frank’s he felt somewhat calmer, the warmth of their skin touching and the feeling of Frank’s penis slowly filling and swelling with blood making his head spin delightfully. 

“Mmm... Love...” He sighed, glancing up at Frank through his eyelashes as he continued kissing down the slope of his neck, smiling when he saw that Frank’s lips had curled up in the corners, his face smooth and his body relaxed. Knowing that Frank felt good helped Gerard relax too and he purred as he softly kissed his way down.

“Mm... Hmm...” Frank sighed and huffed gently, rolling his head to the side and spreading his legs a little as Gerard kissed tenderly down his torso. He was no longer thinking about Gerard leaving, too busy enjoying every little thing the older man was doing to him. Though they had been having sex a lot recently, and though in all the months they had been together they had tried plenty of different types of foreplay, it was very rare when either of them just kissed over the others body, but Frank loved it.

Gerard kept things slow and delicate as he kissed his way down Frank’s chest, pausing at one of his nipples and teasingly smoothing the flat of his tongue over it. Frank exhaled shakily in response and lifted his chest a little as Gerard rolled his other nipple between his thumb and forefinger, his tongue gently lapping against the first nipple which had become a hard nub. 

Frank sighed and moaned quietly as Gerard grazed his teeth over his nipple, sending a tingling sensation through the rosy bud before that tantalizing mouth disappeared to continue its kissing descent. Frank mewled in slight disappointment but the promise of what was to come was much more tempting.

Once Gerard reached Frank’s midriff he stilled his kissing, just breathing warm air over the space of skin as he moved his hand on Frank’s nipple down to gently cup around his balls instead. Frank mewled softly and opened his legs further as Gerard softly rolled them about his palm, squeezing ever so softly and sucking idly against Frank’s hipbone. 

Once he had Frank’s full attention, his erection swollen and weeping, Gerard began to stroke his fingertips gently up the shaft, following the main vein before circling his nail ever so gently around the coronal ridge. Frank was instantly putty in his hands, mewling and whining for more and Gerard had to rest his free hand against Frank’s hip to stop him from bucking them.

Frank sighed and squeezed his eyes shut as pleasure throbbed through his erection, a pearl of pre cum beading  
in the tiny opening on the head, allowed to shimmer for a second before Gerard’s finger swiped it up and was sucked away by a devilish mouth that soon descended onto Frank’s pulsing erection.

“O – Ooh Gerard...” Frank groaned, bucking his hips just a little as he disappeared into Gerard’s hot, wet mouth and began getting massaged by his tongue. He tipped his head back and gently smoothed his fingers into Gerard’s hair, holding on gently as pleasure washed through him. Gerard kept the pace smooth and slow, and Frank felt beyond himself in pleasure already.

Gerard gazed up at Frank through his eyelashes, sucking eagerly but gently on his tip before dipping his tongue into the slit to taste his pre cum. He had one hand wrapped around the base, his thumb rubbing little circles against the shaft whilst his fingertips kept the foreskin down. He wanted to make Frank feel perfect and by the look on the man’s face he was succeeding. 

As he sucked him Gerard inserted a couple of fingers into his mouth too, lathering them in his saliva before moving them down between the cheeks of Frank’s ass. The younger man didn’t even notice until he began pushing a finger slowly inside him, still suckling hungrily on his erection like he was the best candy he had ever tasted. 

“O – Oh my...” Frank gasped, sighing and arching his back as a finger sank into him and began thrusting slowly. He remained relaxed; hungry for more so that when a second finger joined the first it just still wasn’t enough. The hot mouth servicing his cock was making him feel so close... too close. He didn’t want to cum yet, not like this, he wanted to cum with Gerard’s thick dick seated deep inside him. He wanted to cum only when they were at their closest. 

“G – Gerard... unn... p – put it inside me... please...” He mewled, his voice husky from pleasure and Gerard slowly let his cock slip from his mouth, his scissoring fingers stretching him just a little longer before they too disappeared. Neither wanted to tease or be teased that night, both just wanted to feel that total closeness they achieved when they slotted their bodies together so intimately.

“Shh... relax my love.” Gerard purred softly as he tucked his face into the crook of Frank’s neck and began to nudge the head of his erection against his quivering hole. He kissed tenderly over Frank’s neck as he slid into him, by now able to penetrate him without causing him too much pain. He knew there would always be some discomfort at first so he kept still once he was all the way in so that Frank could adjust, moving to kiss him properly until Frank gave a tiny nod of his head.

Gerard kept their foreheads touching as he began to move, his eyes open and boring into Frank’s as he thrust his hips slowly and shallowly, pulling out barely an inch before pushing back in so that he stayed deep inside Frank, just rocking against his ass as their eyes stayed locked. 

Frank’s hazel orbs were shining with tears that he would not let fall, but he didn’t care because Gerard’s own eyes were the same. Their pupils were dilated a lot from the closeness and the attraction, and Frank refused to break the gaze even as pleasure made his ass clench and his toes curl. His hands were resting flat on the nape of Gerard’s neck, holding him close as he lifted his hips in time to Gerard’s thrusts so that their bodies moved in slow, rhythmic waves. He had never felt more pleasured, never felt more in love...

“Gerard...” He panted softly, the constant friction against his prostate making both their stomachs sticky with cum as it leaked freely from his erection. “Tell me you love me.” He begged breathlessly, his eyes searching deep into Gerard’s until all he could see was his brown-y green iris’, his pupils like black holes sucking him in whilst all he could feel was his dick rubbing inside his ass and their frantic hearts beating together in their chests.

“You know I do.” Gerard panted back, moving his arms down to hook beneath Frank’s waist and lift him up. Frank draped back in his arms for a second before he forced himself to sit up and hook his arms back around Gerard’s neck, now slowly riding him in his lap as their bodies entwined. “I love you Frank.”

“For always?” Frank breathed; closing his eyes as he laid his forehead against Gerard’s and just rocked his hips back and forth over his cock, his orgasm building inside him swiftly as tears began to leak from his eyes. He hated to feel them on his cheeks, hated to feel so weak and vulnerable, like a God damn woman but... Damn it he just couldn’t hold them back. 

“Oh God... forever Frankie.” Gerard groaned, his own orgasm beginning to tug at him and he smothered Frank’s mouth with his own, their lips no sooner touching than Frank choked out a sob into his mouth and came hard all over their stomachs.

Gerard swallowed down Frank’s desperate, wanton moans as he thrust his hips slowly up into him, milking Frank’s orgasm whilst letting his own wash through him and cum dripped down over his shaft as it filled his younger lover and then dripped from inside him. Frank gripped Gerard’s shoulders tightly as he continued gyrating his hips, cumming for a long while so that by the time he finally stopped he felt exhausted and weak. He collapsed onto his back and mewled as Gerard lay down with him, going to pull out but Frank stopped him.

“D – Don’t...” He gasped, blushing and meeting Gerard’s gaze with a sad smile and watering eyes. “Let me be full of you all night, it might be the last time I get the chance.” He whispered, Gerard sighing and kissing him deeply but tenderly for a moment before he slowly lay on his side, pulling Frank to do the same so he could stay seated inside him.

“It’s not the last time Frankie.” He promised, though he joined his lover in an embarrassed moment of crying as they clung to each other and waited for sleep to take them.

xXx

Frank felt like he had a rock lodged in his throat as he watched the men piling provisions onto their wagon. The new men had just been dropped off and now the wagon was being prepared to leave, Gerard stood with his bag waiting to go. Frank wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold back the tears, but he had kept them at bay all morning and was determined to keep them from falling until Gerard had left.

Gerard glanced at Frank and offered a tiny smile, the pain clear in both their eyes. Before they had left the cabin that morning they had hastily made love again and then shared a deep, longing kiss beside the door. They had hugged for about ten minutes straight before they had finally found the strength to walk down to the old oak tree where the wagons stopped by. They knew they wouldnt be able to hug or kiss again now, for fear of someone seeing them. Gerard was leaving now but that wouldn’t stop them from hanging Frank if they got suspicious.

“Alright then, gets up onto the wagon and we’ll get going.” The man who drove the wagon said to Gerard, the final box of food now safely on board. Gerard nodded and slowly turned to Frank, the younger man trying not to look so alarmed though his heart was racing painfully.

“Well then I... Guess this is it.” Gerard said softly, his own heart breaking as he longed to grab Frank and kiss him until their lungs gave out. “I’ll keep in touch.” He croaked, Frank nodding and trying to look more like a friend than a lover as he awkwardly patted Gerard’s shoulder.

“Do, and give all my best to your brother. He’ll be in my prayers.” He choked out, Gerard taking a step forward as if to hold him but he hesitated.

“Frankie I –”

“Just go Gerard.” Frank quickly cut across him, not wanting Gerard to lose his nerve now. “Don’t keep them waiting.” He breathed, Gerard nodding slowly and squeezing Frank’s shoulder before turning and climbing up into the wagon before he could change his mind.

He kept his eyes fixated on Frank as the wagon began to move away, rumbling down the dirt track it had come by whilst Frank gave a half-hearted wave. There were tears in his eyes but he forced them down, well aware people were watching as he saw Gerard off. Waved goodbye to the only person he had ever truly loved.

“Well, well, well...” A soft, husky voice purred into his ear as the wagon moved out of sight, the voice making Frank jump. “What _are_ you going to do now your boyfriend’s gone?” The voice sneered and Frank blushed deeply, not needing to turn around to know that Sam would be grinning devilishly behind him.

_God save me._ Frank thought as he closed his eyes and clenched his fists. _God save me now Gerard won’t._


	9. Jaw breaker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: Graphic depictions of rape ahead

Gerard had been gone for a week and Frank hadn’t left the cabin even once. 

Days were lonely but the nights were harder still. Frank had hardly moved since he had returned to the cabin after his lover’s departure. He rolled out of bed only to eat and even then he had only eaten a few times in the whole week, only when he couldn’t bear the hunger pangs any longer. He still hadn’t washed though and he had grown to a point where he just felt hideously dirty, his hair greasy and his cheeks stained from all his tears. He had thought he was stronger than this but he realised now how wrong he was.

The hole inside that Gerard had left seemed to grow with each day. He knew he wouldn’t be back in Jersey for another three months or so, depending on how quickly he travelled, so Frank wasn’t holding out for any letters right now. He supposed Gerard could write to him from towns he stopped in, but Frank didn’t want to get his hopes up. 

He knew he had to get out of this state of melancholy as quickly as possible, he hadn’t panned for seven days now and he desperately needed the gold so that he could leave Hangtown too. He had received a letter from his mother three days ago but for once he hadn’t felt happiness but only even more despair. He desperately wanted to go home but the gold he had now would not be enough to keep them going forever, even when he got a job at home. He needed more and he was determined to stay here until he had the amount he had promised his family. 

Frank sighed and rolled over onto his other side, curled up into a ball in his bed. He looked over at Gerard’s bed with dull, lifeless eyes, wishing the older man was lying there looking back at him, wishing he could dash over and curl up in his arms. But Gerard was gone... and he would never be coming back. 

Frank closed his eyes and squeezed them shut for a long moment. He considered moving but came to the same “what’s the point?” conclusion he had every time he considered it this week. He was starting to feel thirsty again though, and he hadn’t eaten since yesterday so he guessed he should get up and cook something. He could crawl straight back into bed after like he did every time, and just continue wallowing in his self-pity. 

With a groan and a supreme amount of effort Frank dragged his body out of the bed and wandered slowly over to the fireplace. The fire had burnt out long ago so he had to make a new one in order to boil the water for his coffee, this simple task seeming like slave labour in his current mood. By the time he finally had his coffee he just felt even more miserable and he sat starting into the flames of the fire as he chewed on some stale bread, his greasy hair tasselled and his eyes bored and dull. 

He sighed and gently scratched at the beard that was starting to grow, a moustache along with it. Frank had always hated facial hair but he couldn’t be bothered to shave it off. He sipped at his coffee without taking his eyes from the fire, staring for so long that when he eventually turned away the orange glow had been burnt into his retinas. 

“Hmmph...” Frank slowly dropped down so he was lying on his side and squeezed his eyes shut again, his one hand holding his bread and the other his coffee mug. He hated it here, and he hated that he couldn’t leave. He knew he needed to snap out of this and just keep going, and not give up. But the desire to just curl up and die was too strong. What was the point of continuing?

“Don’t think like that Frankie...” He slowly whispered to himself, pretending it was Gerard speaking and not just himself. “We’re gonna see each other again, I promise. And the sooner you go out and get the gold you need the sooner we can be together.” He added quietly, trying to ignore the feeling that he had finally snapped and just gone crazy. He had to see past the insanity of talking to himself and hold onto the lie that it was Gerard’s sweet voice breaking the silence. 

“But I don’t want to go out there Gee.” He whispered quietly, clutching his mug closer but abandoning the bread as his stomach churned. “I want to be with you.”

“And you will be.” He purred, his voice calm and serene as he pretended to be his lover. “Remember what I said? I’ll be on that dock in Jersey waiting for you.” Frank slowly smiled as he snuggled into the ratty old rug by the fire, his heart thumping as he thought over what Gerard had said to him before he left, forcing up any strength left to make himself sit up. He looked around with some colour back in his eyes, his heart aching painfully at the sight of room empty of life except his own, but he forced the pain back and swallowed thickly. 

Gerard would be waiting for him on that dock in Jersey, and Frank wasn’t going to let him down. He would get the gold he needed somehow, and then he would be with his lover again. 

xXx

It took Frank a long time to finish drinking his coffee and force down some more bread. The urge to give up all over again and just lie in his bed was still strong, and there were some minutes when he didn’t think he’d be able to fight it; but he struggled on and eventually he was at the washbowl, razor in hand, to get rid of that god awful beard.

Frank hummed quietly as he shaved, remembering every song he had ever heard Gerard sing when he had been here. The older man had loved singing but he was very shy about it, so it had only been a few rare times when Frank got to hear him but he still managed to remember each lyric as he began to sing quietly under his breath. 

Things were still painful but it was easier now he was actually doing something. He carefully shaved away all the hair on his face and felt much better for it. He still looked disgusting but he would wash now whilst everyone was still panning. 

Frank grabbed the soap from by the washbowl along with his towel before he gathered up some clean clothes and made his way down to the wash part of the river. 

This section of the river was empty of people since everyone was still working hard and Frank relaxed even more as he waded waist deep into the water and slowly knelt down to get the cool liquid all over his body. The water was cold but the sun was high so it only soothed his heated skin. It felt so good to finally be washing and he even smiled a little as he began rubbing soap into his limbs. 

Frank closed his eyes as he tipped his head back and smeared the bar of soap all over his skin, right up his throat and neck, behind his ears, and then back down over his chest, circling round nipples and dipping into the contours of ribs before sliding lower.

Frank almost dropped the soap a couple times as it got wetter and slipperier, but he managed to keep his grip on it and balance precariously on one foot and then the other as he soaped down his legs and even between his toes. He then lathered soap into his hands to wash his face too and ducked beneath the water to wash all the bubbles away. 

Even without Gerard here to help wash his back by the time Frank was done he finally felt human again. The cold water had made his nipples hard and goose bumps patterned his skin, but he felt refreshed for it and squeaky clean at last. 

He stayed in the water for a while longer, just lying back in the shallows and savouring the feeling of the water lapping gently at his body. There was still a hollow ache in his chest from being alone but it had been numbed somewhat now by the cold water and the soap. Doing something helped, he realised. As long as he kept busy and worked as hard as he could then he would be back with Gerard in no time; not to mention back with his family who needed the gold so badly. He wasn’t going to let them down, and he knew that this place wasn’t forever. 

_‘This time next year’_ , he thought to himself, _‘I’ll look back on this and feel proud I stuck it out.’_

xXx

For the rest of that day Frank cleaned the cabin and washed all the bedding and his dirty clothes. He then gathered up a small amount of his gold and went down to the little shop ran by Ben to buy some more food so that he could eat something nicer that night. By the time he had curled up into bed, good and early, he felt a lot better. The cabin was spotless, his belly was full and he felt a lot more positive for it. 

He fell asleep after only a small amount of tossing and turning and he sighed as he rested easy for a while before dreams began to plague him. 

“Mmph... Gerard...” He sighed, pouting as he curled up closer into the older man’s arms, smiling when he felt him hold him closer. “Gee...”

_“Shh my love...” Gerard cooed softly, his fingers splaying through Frank’s hair and teasing the silky locks between his fingers before letting them lye softly against Frank’s cheeks._

_Frank smiled and slowly opened his eyes to gaze up at his lover, his fingers touching just beneath his lower lip as he leant up a little. Gerard smiled back at him and pouted against the fingertips tracing the lines of his lips as his eyes locked with Franks._

_“Love...”_

_“I’m so glad you’re here.” Frank whispered, moving his fingers away so he could lean down and softly rest his lips on Gerard’s. He could actually feel them, soft and warm on his own and he sighed as he pushed closer, wrapping his arms around the older man’s neck as Gerard rolled them over so he was on top._

_Frank eagerly relaxed beneath him, sighing as he wrapped his leg around his waist and kept their bodies pinned together. Gerard’s lips were soft and coaxing, easily managing to persuade Frank’s to part so that his tongue could slide into his mouth and explore all over his tongue and teeth._

_Frank sighed as he opened his mouth more for his lover, tasting the familiar bite of tobacco mixed with the bitterness of black coffee and he tangled his fingers through Gerard’s hair so he could tug and pull gently. He smiled a little as the tongue in his mouth slowly slid back so that they could kiss without for a while, but no less passionately._

_It felt like forever and yet still not long enough as they just lay there and kissed each other, lips suckling and pouting as teeth nipped playfully every now and then. Frank’s heart was racing and his crotch pressed against Gerard’s felt good, more than good in fact... though neither of them were hard. There was no obligation to progress further, no need to get naked and slot together just because they could. It felt perfect just lying entangled in one another and kissing all night long._

_When they eventually broke apart Frank gazed through half lidded eyes up at Gerard, his fingertips brushing slowly down his cheek as the older man smiled back. Frank returned the smile, his heart racing and aching as the hands on his waist gave a gentle, goodbye squeeze._

_“Don’t go.” Frank whispered quickly as Gerard began to move off of him, but the older man ignored his request with a sad smile._

_“I have to.” He sighed, leaning down to peck Frank’s lips one last time but Frank couldn’t really feel it now, couldn’t feel the gentle press, only the aching anticipation that came before it._

_“Gerard...” He sighed, his hands curled around the older man’s biceps to try and keep him pinned to him, and though he felt as though he could still feel his lover’s presence, when he opened his eyes to see why he wasn’t trying to pull away it was only to find that he was already gone._

_“Gee..?_

_“Gee!_

“GERARD!” 

Frank gasped as he shot awake, sitting bolt upright as a cold sweat dripped down the back of his neck. He shuddered and trembled as he looked about the room, tears pricking at his eyes as he looked about the empty cabin and Gerard’s perfectly made, un-slept in bed. He tried to hold back the pain of realising he had been dreaming but he just wasn’t strong enough and within seconds his head was buried into his knees as he sobbed violently into them. 

For a long while Frank couldn’t stop his tears, too overcome by tiredness and the shock of his dream. It had felt so real and he had let himself believe it for a moment. He couldn’t exactly control what he dreamt about but he still felt angry at himself for dreaming it. He felt as if he should have stopped it somehow, that by letting himself enjoy it even though only in sleep he had only weakened himself further. 

By the looks of the sun coming through the thin curtains Frank guessed it was about six o clock and time for him to go to the river and start panning. He couldn’t afford to miss another day on it and he had already laid out all his gear the night before ready. He couldn’t let this dream get the better of him.

Frank slowly managed to take some deep breaths and stem the sobs ripping from his lips, though tears continued to drip as he shakily lifted his head and slid out of bed. He sniffed and rubbed the tears away from his cheeks, feeling ridiculous and pathetic as he padded over to the fire to get a much needed coffee going. 

His tears still didn’t stop until he was fully dressed and ready to go and he wondered fleetingly, as he gathered up his pan and trowel, whether Gerard was missing him as much. Part of him believed that he was, but a much bigger part feared that he wasn’t missing him at all. That now he was on the way home to save his brother he would stop thinking of Frank all together and when Frank eventually did make it back he would have no one waiting for him on that dock in Jersey.

More tears stung at his eyes at this thought so he shoved it away quickly, taking another deep breath as he left the cabin and began making his way to the usual spot at the river. He refused to think negatively about Gerard’s leaving and their potential re-uniting. If he let himself believe for one second that Gerard wouldn’t want him then he would lose the last bit of strength he was clinging so desperately onto.

Frank was dreading spending the day panning on his own for the first time since he had arrived at the town, but once he had sat down on his crate and had spooned some of the riverbank into his pan he soon just got into it. 

He shook the pan under the water with a look of concentration on his face, focusing intently on his task and finally managing to push Gerard out of his mind.

The gentle gush and roar of the stream filled his ears and the cool water numbed his hands as he worked, his aching back not bothering him, the pain a welcome distraction too. The arguing coming from upstream where Sam always panned was familiar and almost soothing, Frank barely hearing it and yet grateful for it, needing to know there were other people around and he wasn’t entirely alone. 

Frank was so engrossed in his work he didn’t notice Sam staring at him from his spot up river. The older man had wondered what had happened to Frank, having not seen him at all for the week since Gerard had left. Sam wasn’t a total idiot and he knew why Frank had disappeared, and a smirk tugged at his lips as he looked at him. 

The younger man had grown skinnier in the week, his arms and wrists frail looking as he shook his pan, and his eyes were dull and lifeless as he gazed into the river but never away from it. Sam couldn’t relate to how Frank was feeling, the man had never been in love. But he had been in lust plenty of times and Frank was his current target. There had been plenty a drunken night settled between the thighs of one of the prostitutes as he had pretended they were Frank and had fucked them hard and mercilessly, wishing all the time it was the soft, pert ass of the boy. 

Sam bit his lip and considered going down to talk to Frank, but then he decided against it and turned back to his own panning. There was nothing he could say to the younger man that would win him over, he knew, and with all the other men around it wasn’t as if Sam could try and do anything to him anyway. He would simply have to wait for an opportunity to present itself, and Sam had no doubt that that would happen sooner or later.

xXx

Frank sighed as he flopped down onto his bed and ran a hand through his hair. He had panned much later than everyone else that day, left by himself on the river for a long while, refusing to quit. He hadn’t stopped panning until it had fallen dark and clouds had covered the moon and he had resigned himself to the fact that there simply wasn’t enough light to see by. 

He had come back to the cabin and weighed out his gold, stunned and thrilled by how much he had managed to get that day and he beat himself up a little for not panning for a week, if he had then he could have been so much closer to going home. 

Still, he tried not to dwell on that.

By now the evening was wearing on, the pot now clean from where Frank had cooked his evening meal and his clothes also cleaned. He was wearing some fresh ones and had washed in the river too, and now he had nothing to do other than lye on his bed and get tormented by his thoughts.

He hadn’t thought about his dream at all that day, too busy with everything else, but now that he had nothing left to do he was unable to stop it from coming back to him and breaking his heart all over again. 

Frank sighed and rolled onto his front, squeezing his eyes shut as he hid his face in his pillow, trying his hardest not to think about Gerard and how much he missed him. He could feel tears pricking at his eyes again but they only served to annoy him. He no longer had the energy or the patience to cry anymore, and he sat up with an irritated huff. If he was like this now then there was no way he’d be able to sleep that night, despite how exhausted his long day had made him.

Frank looked about the room blankly for a moment, trying to think of something to do to occupy his mind. He came up with no ideas until his eyes landed on his boots set up next to the door. He quirked an eyebrow and tipped his head to the side, considering going out for a walk. Or better still, going in search of some ale and getting blind drunk. Alcohol always helped him forget his troubles, and it would help him sleep that night, _and_ getting drunk required very little effort. It was a perfect solution.

With his mind made up Frank made his way to his boots and tugged them onto his feet, considering for a moment how intimidating he found the tavern and how he hadn’t gone in there since that one, terrible night when Gerard had saved him from Sam. 

Frank hesitated, tapping his chin thoughtfully. It was probably a bad idea actually, now he thought about it. He looked down at his booted feet and then at the closed door, gnawing gently on his lower lip. He supposed he should just take his boots off and crawl into bed and try to get to sleep... but he really just wanted to get drunk now and forget everything. Besides, all he had to do was order a tankard of ale and then find some dark, secluded corner to sit in. No one would bother him then, not to mention he was so depressed right now if anyone did try to bother him he wouldn’t think twice about confronting them. He wasn’t afraid anymore; he had nothing to lose to make him afraid. 

With this in mind Frank decided he would go to the tavern after all and briskly left the cabin, striding down to the tavern in the centre of the town. He focused on the soft breeze blowing and the crunch of the gravel beneath his feet so that his thoughts wouldn’t have a chance to grip him and make him change his mind. He was going, and that was that. 

As the tavern loomed closer and closer the noise from within began to penetrate Frank’s ears. He grimaced at the sounds of people fighting and glass breaking, the fast paced music from a bow fiddle mingling in with the sounds of laughter and screeches. But even all that wasn’t enough to make Frank hesitate as he walked purposely forward and into the bar.

Inside the noise increased tenfold, making Frank’s head ache and his eyes narrow. The bar was hazy with smoke from dozens of pipes, and every table and walkway was full of people drinking, brawling, laughing and gambling. The two prostitutes were out as always, one of them looking decidedly dishevelled so Frank guessed she’d already earned herself some gold tonight already. He scoffed and turned away in disgust, striding to the bar. 

The barman gave him a bored, questioning look and Frank held up one finger as a way of requesting what he wanted. Within an instant a tankard had been slid towards him and he picked up with both hands, the vessel looking too big for him, as he carried it over to a dark corner at the back. 

There was one table free in that dark, secluded area. No one wanted to sit by themselves out of the action, but for Frank it was perfect. He settled down on the rickety wooden chair and took a sip of his ale, grimacing a little in distaste. It reminded him of the time he had come in here with Gerard, and in the time it took Frank to drink one tankard of ale Gerard had drank three. The memory made a sad little smile tug at the short man’s lips and coaxed him into taking another sip of the alcohol.

Frank gazed about as he cradled the large cup, sipping from it every few seconds until he just sat back in his chair and started gulping at the liquid with reckless abandonment. He didn’t want to stay here for very long, it was just as lonely as sitting in the cabin, only louder. And as Frank gazed about he just thought about how no one in this room had ever talked to him, ever been kind to him. No one here was worth shit to him and he hated them all. 

Frank scoffed to himself and downed the rest of his tankard, scraping his chair back as he got up and began making his way back to the bar. He ordered another ale and handed over the required gold, feeling almost guilty for drinking the hard earned yellow dust away, but he needed this. Just one night, that was all he needed.

He made his way back to his seat, already drinking deeply from the tankard, but when he reached his quiet little table it was to find Sam already sat in the chair, feet propped up in front of him with a dark grin on his lips. 

“We-ell, fancy seeing you here.” He sneered, his gold tooth glinting in the dim light as Frank tensed and bristled. “Don’t recall ever seein’ you in here Frankie.” He smirked, the nickname making Frank want to smack him in the mouth. Only Gerard could call him that. 

“You’re in my seat.” Frank whispered icily, putting his tankard down on the table as Sam shrugged. 

“Pull up another.” He said simply, nodding at a nearby chair that wasn’t currently being used. Frank spared it a glance before he looked back to the man who had slowly become his own personal enemy over the time he had spent here. 

“I don’t want to sit with you.” Frank replied coolly, Sam scowling a little before he shrugged it off and examined his nails. 

“Then sit somewhere else.” He replied maddeningly, Frank glaring at him for a short moment before he gulped down some more of his ale and then just left the tankard half full on the table. 

Fine. He shouldn’t even be in here anyway.

Rather than fight with Sam, Frank opted to just leave. He shouldn’t have come here in the first place, getting drunk was a stupid idea and he’d only regret it if he had a hangover in the morning. He would just leave and forget the whole ridiculous endeavour. 

He didn’t get far however before Sam caught up with him.

Frank had managed to leave the tavern and was making his way back to the cabin, he hadn’t walked far from the tavern but he had walked far enough to be out of sight of anyone, and too far to be heard... not that you’d be heard easily even if you were right next to the building what with all the noise coming from it. 

He didn’t realise he was being followed until he heard a heavy footfall behind him and he turned quickly to see who it was. When he saw it was Sam his heart missed a beat and began to thump faster, his fists clenching. The older man smirked at him and continued walking forward even though Frank had stopped, Frank gasping and jolting away when Sam reached out to grab his wrists. 

“What are you-”

“I don’t take kindly to people walkin’ away from me Frankie.” He snarled softly before Frank could finish speaking, Frank squeaking quietly and trying to dodge away but this time Sam managed to grab his wrist and hold on tight to it. 

“Let me go!” Frank snarled, his free hand scratching and pulling at Sam’s hand around his wrist, but the older man was much stronger than him and he didn’t even seem to notice Frank’s frail attempts to break free. “Let me go you pervert!” Frank shouted, Sam guffawing with laughter as he began to drag Frank behind one of the nearby cabins where it was darker and they were less likely to be seen.

“At least I ain’t no queer. Don’t think I don’t know why you been hidin’ out this past week. Been missing your _boyfriend_ huh, Frankie?” Sam sneered, laughing loudly again as if he’d just told some incredible joke as he dragged Frank behind the cabin.

Frank screamed and shouted as he tried to tug away, his hand still desperately clawing at Sam’s as he leant his weight backwards, desperately trying to break out of his grip but he all he succeeded in doing was slowing him down. And even then not by much. 

“You don’t know shit!” He shouted angrily, growing panicky as it became gradually clearer how weak he was in comparison to the older man. “I ain’t no queer!” He snapped, yelping when Sam swung him forward and onto the floor with impressive strength. It was surprising, even despite the obviously large biceps the man had and Frank was stunned as he landed heavily on his hands and knees. 

“Save it for someone who will believe ya’ boy.” Sam sneered, unbuttoning his breeches as Frank flipped onto his back and began to push up onto his feet, but a boot to his chest stopped him from trying. 

“Don’t do this.” Was all he could think of to say, his eyes wide as he watched Sam pull his cock into sight, not even bothering to drop his breeches but pull the organ through the fly instead and began to leisurely pump at it to get it hard. Frank felt like he was going to be sick already. 

“Don’t even think about trying to run.” Sam warned, as if reading Frank’s mind as he considered making a bolt for it, and the boot on his chest pressed down hard until Frank was forced flat on his back.

“Even if you got away I could hunt you down and kill you within an hour.” Sam smirked, Frank ashamed of the tears that began to spill down his cheeks as he wriggled uncomfortably on the hard ground, the boot on his chest pressing down so hard he could hardly breathe.

“If y –you do this it just makes you a q – queer.” He snapped with as much conviction as he could, but Sam only laughed and shrugged his shoulders. 

“Ain’t like no one’s gonna know.” He said calmly, that gold tooth of his glinting as his thick cock began to curve upwards as it filled with blood. “You gonna suck this boy?” He grinned, Frank almost heaving.

“Fuck you.” He spat, gasping when the boot on his chest suddenly swung up and crashed into his jaw. He screamed in pain, clutching his jaw as blood blossomed in the corner of his lips and a hand in his hair wrenched him up onto his knees. “No! N – NO!”

“Open your mouth.” Sam demanded, Frank shaking his head and clamping his lips shut, breathing harshly through his nose as panic made his heart pound. His stomach was swirling and churning violently and he knew that if that dick came anywhere near his mouth he was going to throw up all over it. 

“Open. Your. Mouth.” Sam snarled, Frank squeezing his eyes shut and praying frantically in his head that this would end, that something would come and strike Sam down, that someone would save him. But God was apparently not listening, or he was punishing Frank for all his sodomy because all that happened was Sam grew impatient and clenched Frank’s aching jaw painfully tight until his mouth was forced to open.

Frank sobbed as the thick erection slid past his lips, pushing forward into his unwilling mouth and Sam gripped tight to his hair to drag him forward. Frank cried and choked around the shaft in his mouth, tears streaming down his face and saliva dripping down his chin as he pressed his hands to Sam’s thighs and tried to push him away. 

“Mmph!” He groaned, gulping around the dick sliding down his throat, Sam starting to forcefully thrust into his mouth, so hard that Frank couldn’t stop himself from heaving as the head bashed repeatedly into the back of his throat. Bile gushed up his throat and he coughed and choked as he tried to swallow it down, the whole ordeal messy and horrifying but Sam didn’t seem to care, he only moaned huskily and thrust harder, fucking Frank’s face like he had wanted to do for so long. 

Frank’s nails dug into the older man’s thighs as he desperately fought to pull back, his jaw aching from where Sam had kicked him and his choking began to make him feel as if he was going to actually suffocate. He struggled and fought, kicking his legs and shoving at Sam but the grip in his hair was too tight, the only way to get out of this situation was to see it through to the end or rip off his own scalp.

_Gerard!_ Frank screamed in his head. _Gerard, help me PLEASE!_

And just like that, as if his devious lover had planted the idea in his head Frank realised what he had to do. It was an awful idea... a terrible, wonderful, awful idea...

“Mmph... That’s it boy... Take it all... Take it – AAAGH!” Sam’s yell of pain pierced the sky as it tore from his lungs louder than thunder. His grip on Frank’s hair released instantly and the younger man fall onto his back, choking and spluttering, heaving as blood and pre cum dripped from between his split and swollen lips. 

Sam stumbled backwards, clutching his bitten dick and screaming as he tried to see the extent of the damage. Frank wasn’t sure how badly he had hurt him, all he knew was that he had bitten as hard as he could as Sam thrust in his mouth and that he now had to get as far away as he could or he was going to be killed. 

Frank stumbled to his feet and pushed past Sam, running as fast as his short legs would carry him back to his cabin. He struggled to hold back his sobs but it was difficult, especially with his stomach still trying to evacuate that evening’s meal. 

Frank grabbed his bag and rapidly threw in every last bottle of gold he had in there. He then crushed in some clothes and his letters from home, ripping a few in his haste but it couldn’t be helped. Next came whatever food he could fit into the bag before he shouldered it quickly, grabbing his pan for the gold at the same time and then tearing out of the cabin.

He could hear shouts and screams in the distance and he knew that if they found him he’d be hanged. People would believe whatever lie Sam told them and Frank knew it would only be a matter of time before they began to hunt him down. There was nothing for it he was going to have to leave, he was going to have leave and never return. 

Frank fell to his knees and shuddered as he vomited violently outside the cabin, heaving so much he felt like he wasn’t going to be able to breathe, but soon enough he stopped and he rushed away. He didn’t know where he would go or what he was going to do all he knew was that he had to go, but yet he could not go home... he wasn’t going to leave this place entirely until he had all the gold he needed, even if he had to spend the rest of his time in hiding.


	10. Solitude

When Frank woke up that morning he could still taste the filth and urine from Sam’s dick in his mouth and he promptly threw up again outside the cave he had set up refuge in. 

His stomach was empty of food so all that came out was some burning juices and saliva but his stomach still clenched and roiled as if it was trying to throw itself out of his mouth. Frank groaned and slumped onto his side as he cried softly into the dry earth, wishing he was back home in Jersey; wishing Gerard was with him. He wished for it so hard it hurt and for a blinding moment he felt like death was going to be his only kind option.

After he had ran out of the town Frank had just kept on running, looking about for anywhere he could go. It was just dry, scorched earth as far as the eye could see but surrounding Hangtown were some hills and Frank remembered having to travel down them to get into the town all those months ago. He had ignored the road the wagons came down and instead just climbed up the hills away from any tracks, the climb tedious and tiring but eventually he had managed to find a ledge that was fairly large with a small opening in the rock face.

Frank had crawled into the tiny opening and used his feet to kick away more chunks of rock, attacking it for hours until finally he had had enough room to lie down in and sit up in the cave, but not much more room for anything else. At least it was some sort of shelter though and that was the best Frank could hope for for now.

As he lay on the ledge in the early morning sun Frank tried to calm his breathing and slow his racing heart, his mouth full of bad tastes and his stomach still swirling and clenching until he couldn’t tell whether it was sickness or hunger making it churn. He had heard shouting and seen light coming from the town all night as men searched for him with dogs and flaming torches, but they had been unsuccessful. Frank could see now though with his bird’s eye view that they had burnt down his and Gerard’s cabin, only a scorched patch of black left where it had once stood. 

Frank cried more for the loss of the building. It had hardly been anything special but Gerard had built that himself and it had become a home to them both during their time in it, and now in the space of one night and one terrible mistake it was gone. Frank felt guilt attacking him like a wild beast as he beat himself up for going to the tavern. If he had just stayed in then none of this would have happened.

As he gazed down at the town through watering, tired eyes he was able to think properly about the situation he had found himself in. Last night his goal had been simple – find somewhere to hide and find it fast. Now he had it he had a whole host of other problems. 

How was he supposed to continue panning? He couldn’t return to the town when the lighting was good or he’d be seen. And what about when his food ran out? What was there to eat in this wasteland other than what was brought to the town? And how was he supposed to cook at all? If he lit a fire the smoke would be seen and he’d be hunted down in minutes.

What about letters from Gerard? It would be months before he’d be due one, if the older man wrote to him at all, but if he did and one did arrive Frank wouldn’t be able to read it. And what if it was important? What if he got a crucial letter from home and he missed it? And when it came time to return home, how was he to get away? 

Frank groaned and buried his head in his hands, gripping at his hair as he ached all over. He was doomed and he knew it. If he went back to the town he’d be hanged for sure, but even if he decided to call it quits and leave now, how was he supposed to get away? If he tried to get onto the next wagon out someone would be bound to recognise him and he’d be hanged. But the nearest town other than this one was too far to walk to; he’d be dead before he reached it.

Frank gripped tighter to his hair as despair washed over him in waves. He couldn’t see any way to get out of his current situation... a situation which left him with hardly any shelter, hardly any food, and nowhere to go. He wished he had left with Gerard... even if he didn’t have all the gold he wanted at least he had _something_ , and that was better than nothing at all. But at this rate his family would never see a scrap of gold thanks to his stupidity. 

Frank scuttled back into the tiny cave and lay on his side, sobbing softly. He didn’t have any water, nowhere near enough food, and this little opening in the rock face was hardly good enough to become his new home. And yet what he could do? He needed more gold, he needed to keep panning. 

From up here he couldn’t hear any of the people in the town, but he could see them when he scuttled to peer down over the ledge. Tiny dots moving back and forth from their cabins to the river and to the tavern. No one in there was his friend, no one would be willing to help him. If he tried to get help he’d get marched straight to that old oak tree and killed.

Frank suddenly regretted not making any friends other than Gerard. If he had then maybe things would be different.

It was with this thought in mind that Frank collapsed back into another uneasy sleep, his body exhausted and trembling as he curled into the smallest ball he could and hid in the tiny cave. In the back of his mind he was content to hide here forever and just lie in wait to die, but fighting over that were his dreams of Gerard and the aching, burning desire to see him again.

xXx

When Frank woke up again he was for a moment disorientated, lost and frightened as he gazed about with blind eyes. It took him a second to remember where he was and what had happened, and he groaned as he wriggled out of the cave and onto the ledge to take another look around.

The sun had disappeared from the sky and stars now littered the inky expanse. There was a soft, cool breeze blowing that caressed Frank’s skin as he peered out over the town to try and figure out what was happening. Very few of the cabins had lights in the windows but the tavern was as loud and lit up as ever, even from up here Frank could hear all the noise coming from it and he sighed as he bowed his head. 

So it had been about twenty four hours already since Sam had tried to...

Frank retched a little and took a deep breath to calm his churning stomach. Beneath the feeling of sickness he could feel that he was hungry but he wasn’t sure he wanted to risk eating. Though he ached to get the vile taste out of his mouth that continued to linger on his tongue. 

Forcing himself to remain calm and as composed as he could Frank pulled his bag towards him and rummaged through it. Old letters crumpled into the bottom as he searched for food, soon pulling out a hunk of bread and he sighed as he pushed the bag away again and settled back against the cave wall. He felt more miserable than ever as he nibbled at the bread, holding it with both hands and staring blindly at the wall opposite him.

The bread was dry and difficult to chew without anything to drink, Frank unable to work up a decent amount of saliva and he realised too late he was already badly dehydrated. He forced the bread down anyway, calming his stomach somewhat now it had something in it and the bread had managed to get rid of some of the vile taste in his mouth. But once he had finished eating he was faced with the need of finding something to do and he groaned softly. 

It was pretty obvious that he was going to have to try and sneak back into the town. He couldn’t waste a single night now, especially when the moon was as full and bright as it was now. It was perfect lighting to go down to the river and start panning, but the last thing Frank wanted to do was risk getting caught by the other men in the town. He could practically feel the noose around his neck already and it made his courage desert him before it had even really gripped him.

Crawling to the ledge Frank peered down at the town, deciding he was just going to have to go for it. He couldn’t exactly sit up here forever and either way he was going to be putting his life in danger. If he sat up here he wouldn’t even last the week before dehydration, starvation and heat killed him. At least going down to the town gave him the chance to drink something and try to pan for more gold, and besides, everyone would be in the tavern as usual, as long as he was quiet and didn’t draw any attention to himself he should be fine. Gerard had always said he preferred panning at night since no one ever bothered him.

With this in mind Frank crawled back into the cave and pulled his pan and trowel from his bag. He was surprised, looking back, how he had had the foresight to grab them before he ran but he was glad he had. He felt somehow pleased that even in his blinding panic he had had enough self-belief to know he’d try to keep going.

He tried to find that self-belief again as he shuffled to the ledge and draped his legs over it. He hesitated for a moment, fear making his belly squirm and his body tense. He felt like he was frozen to the spot but he forced himself to ignore it, to see past his nerves and just go for it. He couldn’t lose speed now or he’d never get anywhere.

With a deep breath and a growing feeling of dread Frank slid off the side of the ledge and skidded down on some loose rocks for a moment. His heart missed a beat but he kept relatively calm so that soon enough he was able to slowly shimmy down the hill to the town. It was awkward and slow, his body moving down sideways with one hand pressed against the ground, like some sort of weird crab, but he managed to make it down as quick as he could without any incident.

Once he had though, that was where the real trouble started.

Frank found himself at the back of the town, on the opposite side of the river to the cabins. The tavern was about as far away as it could be but the noise and light coming from it was still apparent. But no one ever came up to this part of the river except during the day to pan for gold, so Frank knew the only way anyone would find him was if they came up looking for him. 

That didn’t really help calm his nerves though.

Frank ignored his rumbling stomach and walked quietly to the river bank, kneeling down and bending forward to drink. He cupped his hands beneath the bubbling surface and scooped the water up to lap it from his palms. He felt shaken and frightened still but the cold water helped somewhat, washing away the rest of the taste in his mouth and wetting his dry tongue. He drank and drank until he felt full of icy water and he wiped his hands dry on his breeches before gathering up his things and starting to shovel dirt and rocks into his pan. He refused to hesitate or worry, for now he was going to concentrate completely on his panning and not stop until sunrise. 

xXx

For Frank, sunrise came far too quickly. 

The panning had helped him focus his mind away from the memory of what had happened with Sam, stopped him from aching for Gerard... when he panned he focused only on his task and it had felt like hardly any time had passed at all until he saw the first streaks of light starting to brighten the sky. 

Due to the fact that the men always got up with the dawn to pan Frank knew he had to leave instantly, needing to be gone before people started arriving at the river. At least being on the opposite side meant he didn’t have to worry too much about leaving footprints and such behind since they wouldn’t be seen from the side with the town. Even so he scraped as much of his prints away as he could as he gathered up his things and dashed back to the base of the hill.

Frank took one last longing look behind himself, staring at the town and wondering what the people were thinking now. Was anyone wondering about him? Did they all believe Sam as he suspected they would, or was there maybe someone in there who wondered perhaps if Frank wasn’t what Sam said he was? Frank hoped so, even though it wouldn’t change anything it made him feel a little better to think that someone could think good of him. Of course, he knew they probably didn’t, he meant nothing to anyone there.

With this in mind Frank found it easier to turn away and start scrambling his way back up the hill to the little ledge and cave that was going to have to become his home. His stomach was cramping and grumbling with hunger but he tried to ignore it. He only had a little bread to last him for however long and he couldn’t afford to eat any until he was on the brink of passing out, he decided. He would have to find some more food sooner or later, he knew that, but at that moment he was too exhausted to think about it so once he reached the ledge he collapsed down and had just enough strength to drag his aching body into the little opening in the rock face before he fell into a deep, restless sleep.   
xXx

The week that followed was very much the same.

The nights were a monotonous repeat of the night before, Frank going down to the river as soon as it was clear of people and panning all night long. He even went down there when there was no light from the moon, refusing to sit up all night wasting time. He had been unable to see enough really, and he knew he had probably lost half the gold he would have noticed in better lighting conditions but half gold was better than no gold.

The days he spent sleeping in the tiny cave, feeling claustrophobic and more homesick than ever. His body was weak with starvation and dehydration, surviving only on the tiniest bite of bread a day and then guzzling down as much water as he could when he went panning. Sleeping was easy since he felt constantly on the brink of passing out anyway, but he soldiered on anyway. He refused to be defeated, he refused to give up.

By the time the end of the first week came Frank finished the last of his bread as he watched the men in the town walking to the tavern. His body clock was slowly flipping itself, turning him into some sort of nocturnal being, and he felt eager to get down to the river and start panning. 

As soon as the river was free of people and Frank felt certain no one would be returning to it he made his way slowly down the hill to the part of the river bank he had claimed as his own now. Making his way down the gravelly slope had gotten easier the more he did it, and it took him no time at all to reach the bottom without injuring himself. 

Once he was at the river Frank sighed and began filling his pan with gravel. The problematic thing was, he had no way to weigh his gold and so though he had filled all the bottles he had brought with him, he had no idea whether that was close enough to how much he needed. He supposed he was just going to have to estimate how much he was earning, but he couldn’t think straight when he was wasting away.

Frank pushed that out of mind for now though, allowing himself to get lost in the action of panning again. Sleep was full of nightmares of Sam, panning was the only escape for Frank now. 

He smiled a little as he shook the pan gently under the flowing water, working by the light of the moon and ignoring the pain in his back as he hunched over the river. He didn’t think about Sam or how his skin still crawled at the thought of him, he didn’t think about Gerard or the way his heart broke as he remembered him leaving; he didn’t think about home or how it made him want to die considering never returning there. He thought only of the gold he needed and of his panning technique as he shook the pan beneath the water. 

For a few hours Frank was oblivious to the world around him, focussing only on the panning and the soft gushing of the river water. He felt almost happy in that moment, serene. For a moment, no one could hurt him... for a moment, things were going to be okay...

But the moment ended.

“Frank?” 

Shock smashed through Frank’s chest like a boulder, causing him to jolt in surprise and drop his pan into the water. With a squeak of horror he grabbed it back, dragging it into his hands and staring in horror at the man looking at him from across the river. 

The man was fairly tall, middle aged, strong... his eyes were wide with shock but not unfriendly, his lips parted in surprise.

“Frank, what are you doing here?” Ben started forward, as if he was going to try and cross the river but then he thought better of it and frowned at Frank. “You shouldn’t be here. If someone sees you...”

“Please don’t tell anyone.” Frank suddenly gasped, finally finding his voice and he clutched his pan to his chest as he stumbled backwards. “Please I just... I –”

“I won’t tell anyone.” Ben said quickly, cutting Frank off and making the younger man clamp his lips shut. Ben gazed at him for a long moment, his heart racing in the shock of seeing the younger man. The news going round the town was that Frank had tried to force himself on Sam and that when he had pushed him away Frank had fled. Ben hadn’t been sure whether to believe it or not; he didn’t really know Frank but he had been fond of Gerard and he knew he and Frank had been good friends. 

“What happened to you?” He breathed, leaning forward to speak to him but Frank jolted in fear and backed away further, Ben holding his hands up to try and relax him. “Please, don’t be frightened! I won’t cross the river, I promise.” His words genuine but Frank only looked even more terrified. “Did you force yourself on Sam?” Ben continued, tears glistening in Frank’s eyes at that. “What happened Frank?”

“I never... I never...” Frank whimpered, fear making him feel sick and Ben could see he was considering running. 

“Frank please, I want to help you – please just talk to me. Do you come here every night? Where are you staying?” Ben asked as gently as he could, holding his hand out towards Frank from across the river but the younger man’s nerves finally deserted him and he turned and ran before Ben could utter another word. 

xXx

Frank was shaking as he lay in the cave, tears streaking down his cheeks. He didn’t know whether the fact that Ben had seen him meant he needed to leave now or not, but he did know that if he didn’t calm down soon he was going to give himself a heart attack. 

He hadn’t been prepared to see anyone; he had been lost in his own little world and when Ben had suddenly been there in front of him he had simply panicked. The only thing he knew about the man was that he worked in the little food store in the town, and that Gerard seemed to think he wasn’t a bad guy. For all he knew Ben could have been wanting to help him; but what if he hadn’t? What if he was in the tavern right now, spreading the news that Frank was coming to the river at night? It would destroy everything.  
Frank whined softly into his hands and curled up into a ball. He had no more food, no more energy, no more anything. The urge to give up was stronger than ever and yet he couldn’t bring himself to do it; couldn’t bring himself to admit defeat and try to leave. He needed to get the gold he had promised his family, he needed to see Gerard again. 

“God help me...” He breathed, sobbing softly as he shook on the floor. 

xXx

For three days and nights Frank didn’t return to the river. He barely moved at all. He lay in the cave and stared with dull eyes at the bottles of gold he had lined up at the back. He tried to guess how much he had earned. He knew he was close to getting the amount he needed, but he wasn’t convinced he was quite there yet. 

With nothing to eat or drink he could feel his body starting to consume itself. His stomach had stopped rumbling and was now permanently cramped up and hurting, his head was constantly aching from dehydration and no matter what he did he couldn’t stop shaking. He knew he needed to find something to eat soon, and if nothing else at least go to the river and drink, but he was too afraid to go back there. He was convinced that the rest of the townspeople would be there waiting for him. That Ben had sold him out and that they were all sat up in the night waiting for him to return.

By the fourth morning though Frank knew he couldn’t put off returning to the river any longer.

He was sleeping a lot, too much. He was starting to feel like if he slept he wouldn’t wake up and so he forced himself to sit up and stay awake. But even just moving into a sitting position seemed to drain his energy and so for a long while he simply closed his eyes and rested against the cave wall. He knew if he kept this up it would kill him, and quickly too. His only choice was to go back to the river and get a drink and hopefully some sort of food and then consider going home. Or simply die. And well... he didn’t really want to die.

Frank forced his eyes open and looked at the bottles of gold again, wondering if he should pan all night if he could and then leave. Well... there was no point sitting around, he reasoned. Besides, he couldn’t just hop on a wagon and leave, he would need to somehow get to the next town. And God only knew how far that was. He simply didn’t have the strength to leave yet, and so whilst he had to stay he should make the most of it.

Frank waited until evening before he moved, gathering up his panning things and forcing himself to move out of the cave. His head was spinning but it had been doing it for a while now so he just ignored it. It was earlier than when he usually went down to the river but he had lost all caring now. If someone was there then he’d just deal with it. Hell, he felt almost hopeful that someone would be there to take him to the oak tree and hang him. He’d probably be dead before they even got the noose around his neck anyway.

Weak and tired Frank pretty much tumbled down the hill, reaching the bottom slowly and even then getting covered in cuts and bruises as he went. He barely noticed though, he was like a zombie. He had no life left in him, no more purpose; he was just a corpse on someone else’s strings.

As he approached the river bank Frank was oblivious to the noise of the river or the things around him. Part of him just wanted to throw his pan down and give up now. He didn’t have the energy to pan. He didn’t even have the energy to stoop down and try to drink from the river. Though he was thirsty, so thirsty.

Frank threw down his things and collapsed to his knees at the riverbank, practically collapsing face first into the water and he squeezed is eyes shut as he plunged his entire face into the cold liquid. The numbing water seemed to shock some life back into him, making him shiver and plant his hands against the river bed as he opened his mouth. 

As soon as the first drops gushed over his tongue he remembered the burning need to drink and he gulped hungrily at the water, sucking at it as he pushed his face deeper, gulping down as much as he could before he pushed upwards, arching his spine and throwing his head back with a sudden spray of water droplets as he gasped harshly. His throat was burning from the sensation of being wet again and he collapsed onto his front, shaking and whimpering as he cupped his hands under the water and lapped eagerly at it with his tongue, sucking and slurping until his belly felt frozen from all the water sloshing about inside it and he slowly moved away, collapsing onto his side and closing his eyes shut as he panted.

His hands and face were dripping wet, his chest heaving. The water felt good, his throat still rippling as if to swallow more. After not having drank in so long when he had had his head under the water, when he had been able to swallow some of that delicious liquid, it had been better than anything he had ever felt. Almost orgasmic in its pleasure but now he just felt exhausted again, and cold too. 

For a long moment Frank was still, lying until he could feel himself falling asleep and he forced himself to sit up again. His hunger pangs were stronger now, his body crying out for food now it had been satisfied of its need for water and Frank wondered about maybe eating the grass. It was pretty much the only option he had.

A small gust of wind blew and made Frank shiver more, cold water dripping out of his hair and down his back, and as he sat, shivering and shaking the most wonderful scent assaulted his senses.

It was very faint, and so wonderful that Frank was certain he must be imagining it. It was the smell of a simple stew, he knew its aroma from the amount of times he and Gerard had cooked it in their cabin. The smell made his mouth water and his stomach growl and twist itself up into knots. Oh God... it smelt so real, like it could be right there in front of him and he felt close to tears with his desire to taste it. 

With hungry, desperate eyes Frank peered about in the hopes it might magically present itself. And to his great shock, there was something not too far away.

Some feet away from him there was something that looked suspiciously like a cooking pot. Only a very tiny one, enough for one or maybe two people, but a cooking pot none the less. Frank blinked stupidly for a minute, rubbed his fists vigorously over his eyes, and then looked again. 

It was still there.

Frank was so hungry he didn’t sit around to try and decipher what was going on, he simply took what appeared to be a miracle from God, and he as he crawled quickly over to the stew pot he only prayed it wasn’t some sort of hunger induced mirage and that when he tried to eat the food inside it would turn out to be but a cruel, senseless joke from his mind and the whole thing would disappear as if made from smoke. 

Frank settled down with his legs crossed in front of the stew pot, his lips parted in shock and his eyes roaming about to see if anyone was around. Once he was certain he was completely alone he looked back at the pot, the black vessel settled down in a nest of warm wood. The wood had clearly been lit on fire but not a very big one, just enough for warmth but not enough to create much smoke or light. It had been put out quickly too so that the wood simply smouldered, leaving it mostly just tinged with black and not completely charred. Whoever had put this here had been intending for it to sit for a while it seemed, and had not wanted for it to get cold.

Frank wondered who had left it there, and if they were going to be coming back any time soon for it. He wasn’t going to wait around to find out though, he was starving and he needed the food. He pulled the lid from the pot and blinked stupidly at a little spoon beside it. This seemed just too convenient, and he realised with a jolt that maybe someone had left it there for him... that maybe... _Ben_ had left it there for him.

Frank looked about in shock again, as if he would spot Ben waiting for him, but of course he was alone. His heart was beating faster now though as his mind whirred with all the possibilities to why this food was here and he blushed as he pulled the stew pot closer and began to tuck in. He thought fleetingly, as he raised the spoon to his mouth, that for all he knew this food could be poisoned. But then he decided he simply didn’t care and continued anyway.

As he pushed the spoon into his mouth and got the first taste of the stew Frank felt as if he could sob he was so happy. It was simple and bland but in his hunger it was the most delicious thing he had ever tasted and he mewled as he began to shovel the stew into his mouth as quick as he could; wolfing down the meal in his starvation. 

It didn’t take long for Frank to feel full, his stomach cramping from the sudden onslaught of food but Frank had never felt happier. He carried the pot with him to the edge of the river so that he could continue eating as he worked, refusing to wait a single morsel. He was certain by now that it was Ben who had left this for him, and he felt choked up with gratitude. The food had returned some of his strength, but mostly it had helped him mentally. Though his body was still weak and sluggish he worked hard that night, panning without complaint and slowly eating the final half of the stew as he thought of how lucky he was to have this. How good it felt to finally be working again. He knew now for sure that the best thing he could do was just keep panning at night. It gave him purpose and he needed purpose to survive.

xXx

Ben smiled as he finished making the stew and put the lid on the pot. He wrapped his hands in a dry cloth to lift the pot out of the fire and place it down in a towel to wrap it up for the trip to the river. It was early evening and everyone had left the river. It would only be a matter of minutes before men started making their way to the tavern so he had to be quick, or else he’d be seen. 

Ben had learnt how to time things perfectly now so that he could get to the river with food for Frank in the tiny gap of the day when all men were either getting changed in their cabins or washing down at the bottom of the river. He knew that Frank didn’t come down to the river until later in the evening, and sometimes he considered waiting for him to try and talk to him again... but the first few nights he had left food out Frank hadn’t eaten it, and he didn’t want to frighten the poor man again and make him stop coming. 

Ben had been taking food to the river every evening for two weeks now, and every morning he would go extra early to retrieve the pot or plate he had brought the food on. There would never be a single scrap of food left and so he knew that it was the only food Frank was getting. He was deeply worried for the young man, wondered where he was staying and if he was okay. But he didn’t want to startle him so he kept his distance, simply taking the food before he arrived and coming back for what was left once he was gone again. He felt somewhat like a guardian angel and it made him happy, he liked to have a purpose. He liked to think that he was helping an innocent. 

Ben knew that Sam was not a good guy and after seeing Frank so frightened by the river that night he had decided he simply couldn’t believe the lies Sam was spreading. Clearly whatever had happened between Frank and Sam had left the younger man petrified and so he felt a sort of protectiveness over him; a desire to make sure he was alright. 

Ben smiled to himself as he slipped out of his cabin to take the stew to the river. He looked about to make sure no one was watching him before he started making his way through the town, keeping his head high and trying to look as casual as he could whilst holding the stew pot wrapped in the towel. No one was around though, and he made it to the river in good time without being seen.

Or so he thought.

Watching from behind one of the cabins Sam was idly smoking a pipe, frowning at the sight of Ben wandering to the river with some sort of bundle. He quirked an eyebrow and moved closer to see what was happening, but Ben disappeared from view before Sam could catch sight of him again.

Confused Sam stood in the middle of the path, his pipe dangling between his lips and his eyebrows raised in utter confusion. He stood there for a good five minutes before turning to leave, deciding to just forget about it but then he saw Ben making his way back... but this time the bundle was gone.


	11. Love Letters

Weeks were passing by in a hazy blur for Frank as he slept the days away and spent the nights panning frantically for as much gold as he could get. He had food waiting for him each time now, but where it had started as stews and other such substantial meals he was starting to get simple things like hunks of bread, cheese and apples, strewn about the river bank. He was confused by this but didn’t grumble, food was food at the end of the day.

Ben was determined to keep providing for Frank but it was getting difficult. He had started to notice Sam watching him a lot, and he realised after only a couple of nights that the older man was following him. Because of this he was unable to take things like stews to Frank, instead he had to settle for hiding anything he could inside his clothes in the morning before he went panning. Every day there was some sort of fight at the river over the best spots and Sam often got involved in this scuffles, so whenever that happened and people were distracted Ben would throw food across the river to the place where he knew Frank came to. It was risky and he would often be panning with a frantically racing heart afterwards but it was the best he could do. 

He was worried though that it wasn’t enough. He desperately wanted to sneak out in the middle of the night when Sam would be in the arms of one of the whores and everyone would be merrily drinking in the tavern. Sneak to the river and perhaps speak to Frank face to face. He wanted so badly to make sure he was okay but he was nervous that his presence would frighten the younger man like it had the first time, and he assumed Frank must be in a delicate state enough as it was right now.

If only he had a reason to go over there. Something that couldn’t be avoided. But he had no such reason, so he settled for throwing food across the river every day in the hopes that it would somehow be at least a little comfort to the outcast.

One day though, as he was collecting his mail from the little wooden box positioned at the front of the town, he finally found an excuse to go see Frank.

It had been a little under three months since Gerard had left, and waiting inside the town’s post box was a letter addressed to Frank. Ben stared at it with wide eyes for a moment before quickly stuffing the letter inside his jacket. He gathered his mail and then walked away casually, his heart racing where the thin, cheap envelope rested against it.

When he got back to his cabin he closed the curtains and sat down to some candlelight, pulling the envelope from his clothes and gazing with parted lips at the neat, italic handwriting on the front. Was it from Gerard? Or Frank’s family? He wanted badly to believe it was from Gerard, he knew that would be a great comfort to Frank. The two men had been good friends when Gerard had been here, a letter must make Frank feel better.

Ben knew it had to be given to Frank, but he couldn’t just take it to the other side of the river and leave it there. For a start it might blow away, but he supposed he could weigh it down with a rock or something. But then that would mean needing to cross the river and with Sam on his tail for the majority of the time the only time he could take it across was late at night when Frank would be there anyway. And there was no way he could throw it across, it would flutter in the wind and maybe end up in the river and then lost forever. 

No, he would simply have to take it to Frank in person. 

Ben put the letter back in his shirt and moved to the fire to make a stew to take with him too. Sam should be in the tavern by that point so he’d be free to go across the river without being seen, and deep down, he was excited and relieved to be able to see Frank at last. He had been so worried about him it would be good to finally find out how he was doing.

xXx

Frank came down the hill at his usual time, a soft breeze ruffling his hair. He was in a sort of good mood that day, despite everything. He supposed he had a lot to be positive about. He wasn’t dead yet, for a start. He was able to go down to the river and pan every night and he was starting to get a lot of gold. He was also being fed every night which was wonderful, and no one had seen him yet. Things were going, considering his situation, extremely well.

With a small smile on his chapped lips Frank strolled towards the river, his pan in hand. He wondered what culinary delights he’d get tonight, he was hoping it would be something a little more exciting than bread again, but really it didn’t matter as long as he had food. As he approached the river though, something caught his eye and made him stop dead in his tracks.

He could see the silhouette of a person stood by the river at the spot he usually panned at. His blood instantly ran cold and he gasped softly, his heart picking up in its pace and making him breathless. Oh God... Someone had found him?  
“Frank?” A soft, familiar voice called, making Frank stay still rather than turning and running like he was considering doing. He remained tense though, his legs ready to propel his body back the way he had came if the person made any sudden movements.   
“Frank – please don’t be afraid. It’s me, Ben. I’m here to help you.” The person called softly, Frank gazing around with frantic, frightened eyes, trying to see if there was anyone else present but after a moment or two he decided it was only Ben. 

“I have a letter for you...” Ben added hopefully when Frank didn’t run. He bit his lip and gazed at the dark form that was the younger man as he waited to see what he would do. He still seemed uncertain, but after an agonizing minute he began to move forward. Hesitantly at first, but then with more speed as he gained courage.

“A letter?” Frank croaked, his voice hoarse and barely audible he hadn’t used it in so long and he blushed as he cleared his throat. He wasn’t sure whether he could trust Ben or not yet, despite how he would have been dead long ago without him. But the mention of a letter had meant that there was no way he could bring himself to leave now. That letter could be from Gerard. 

“Yes... It came today.” Ben said softly, producing the letter from inside his shirt and holding it out towards Frank as he approached. 

Frank gazed with hopeful eyes at the letter in Bens hand and began to move with more purpose towards him, eager to take the letter from him. Once he was about a foot away he hesitated, moving his eyes up to Ben’s face and staring at him intently as he lunged forward and snatched the letter from his palm.

Ben kept perfectly still as Frank struck, not surprised by his frightened and skittish movements. He was like a wary animal and so Ben only smiled softly as Frank stood back and cradled the letter to his chest. He still hadn’t moved his eyes from Ben’s face, studying his features and trying to psyche him out. So this was the man who had been helping him all this time. Of course he had seen him before but it felt somehow different now after everything.

“I brought you some stew...” Ben said softly after an agonising minute of silence. “I’m sorry I haven’t been able to bring you anything like this for a while. Sam was watching me.” He added quietly, gazing at Frank with big, innocent eyes as he waited to see if the younger man would run or not. He hoped he wouldn’t, he wanted for him to trust him.

“Sam?” Frank repeated, his voice suddenly full of shock and he took a quick step back, Ben biting his lip as he realised he must have said something wrong. “But then how do you know he isn’t watching you now!?” Frank gasped, staring around frantically again, half expecting the disgusting man to appear from out of the darkness but there was no one.

“He’s in the tavern.” Ben said gently, putting the stew pot onto the ground and biting his lip as he looked at Frank. “Please Frank, don’t be afraid. I wouldn’t bring any harm upon you, I want to help you.” 

“Help me...” Frank repeated uncertainly, still gazing about before slowly looking at Ben again. He was trembling still but he was starting to relax, coming to terms with the fact that Ben really was here to help him and that there was no one else around. “I... I’m sorry. You just... took me by surprise, being here.” He said quietly, Ben nodding and biting his lip.

“I know, and I’m sorry. I just couldn’t think of any other way to get the letter to you.” He said as soothingly as he could. 

For a long moment Frank just stared at him, a long minute passing in dead silence. Eventually though Ben cleared his throat and suggested perhaps Frank would like to eat now and the younger man hesitated for just a second before nodding and slowly sitting down. 

“I was nervous about coming to see you.” Ben said gently as he lifted the lid off the stew pot and handed Frank a spoon. The younger man looked at him in surprise and slowly started eating, never taking his eyes off Ben as he leaned back on his elbows.

“Why would you be nervous about seeing me?” Frank asked round a mouthful of food, the deliciously warm stew relaxing him instantly. It felt like forever since he had eaten something as good as this and he even dared to take his eyes off Ben as he scooped up some more and shovelled it into his mouth.

Ben smiled warmly at how eagerly Frank ate his stew, relieved to see that the smaller man was more relaxed now. 

“Oh I dunno... I was scared I’d frighten you I suppose. But I’ve been so worried about you; I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He shrugged, Frank looking at him thoughtfully as he chewed slowly. To think that Ben had been so worried about him shocked him somewhat, but then he supposed it should have been obvious that the man cared otherwise he wouldn’t have been helping him all this time.

“Well... I’m okay... Thanks to you.” He said softly, eating some more and almost moaning in delight. It felt so good to get some hot food and he was actually grateful for the company too. It had been so long since he’d had any company, so long since he’d been able to talk to someone... He was almost surprised he could remember how to talk at all.

“Thank you, by the way. If it hadn’t been for all this food you’ve been bringing me I’d be long dead by now.” 

“Well... It’s been my pleasure.” Ben said with a soft smile, his cheeks even going a little pink. He was so happy that Frank was pleased, and it felt amazing to finally look at the man and confirm that he was getting by. He was finding it hard, that much was obvious. He was terribly skinny and his hands were constantly shaking, probably due to lack of food and water. His hair was matted and had grown past his shoulders now, and he had a beard growing pretty long. Ben wondered if Frank even realised. He seemed fairly oblivious to it. In fact, the only thing that hadn’t grown too long were his nails, and Ben realised Frank must sit and chew them a lot they were so short.

“Frank... I have to ask you... Why are you still here? Why didn’t you just go home when Sam had you chased from the town?” Ben asked after a small, comfortable silence. 

Frank paused in his eating but not for long; soon the rumbling of his stomach had him attacking the stew once again whilst he considered his answer. For the past month or so he hadn’t really thought about the night he had ran away, it was too painful to think about it and he had much more important things to worry over, like his panning. Now though he looked at Ben with tired, dulled eyes as he shrugged.

“I didn’t have much choice.” He finally decided, scraping his spoon round the edges of the stew pot to gather up every last morsel. “I couldn’t just go home like that-” Frank snapped his fingers for emphasis. “I’d have had to wait for a wagon to take me to the next town and if anyone saw me or anyone in the wagon recognised me I’d have been hanged... Plus, I can’t go home until I have the gold I need.” 

Ben sighed and bowed his head, nodding his understanding. Of course it was only obvious now Frank had said it that his getting home was going to be difficult, Ben just hadn’t considered it before. It made him feel sick thinking about it, as if this man hadn’t gone through enough... though, Ben wasn’t entirely sure what _had_ happened that night three months ago. But when he looked at Frank’s lifeless eyes he decided he didn’t want to know, he didn’t want to hear what Sam had done to leave Frank like this. Ben had heard enough horror stories about that man as it was.

“So... How are you gonna get home when you do have the gold you need?” He asked instead, Frank shrugging and eating the last remnants of the stew.

“I don’t know. I’ll worry about that when the time comes.” He said simply, Ben nodding and biting his lip.

“And when do you think that will be? How much more gold do you need?” He asked curiously, hoping that Frank didn’t think he was prying. He was just eager to know everything.

“I don’t know that either. I have no way of measuring it.” Frank sighed, growing gloomy as Ben just pointed out all the problems he was trying to ignore. The only plan he had at that moment was to take each day as it came. To pan every night and then hope that sooner or later a way out of the town would present itself. He didn’t want to worry about anything else because he’d already come to the conclusion that there was nothing he could do.

“Well...” Ben said softly after gazing at Frank for a moment, chewing his lip nervously. “Well I could always bring you some scales tomorrow night... So you can measure the gold. And then once you’ve got enough I can help you out of the town.” He suggested uncertainly, shrugging his shoulders to try and appear casual. He didn’t want Frank to feel like he was meddling or anything, but he just really wanted to help him.

Frank was silent as he stared at Ben, his jaw slowly dropping. For a minute he wondered if the older man was just joking, but as soon as he realised that Ben was being serious his heart skipped a beat. 

“You... You would do that? Ben you don’t have to help me I... I shouldn’t ask so much of you.” He breathed, Ben scoffing and brushing his words away with a flick of his hand.

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’s the least I could do. I mean... How else are you going to be able to get home? And I hate to see you having to live like this because of lies that Sam’s spreading. I _want_ to help you Frankie.” He smiled warmly, gasping when Frank suddenly lunged at him and flung his arms around his neck.

“Oh God... Ben thank you! Thank you so much... I... I can’t even... You just... ugh!” Frank laughed at the absurdity of it all and hugged Ben tighter, his head growing hot and hazy from how happy he was. The thought of having someone from the town helping him, a man on the inside if you will, was just so important to him that he couldn’t say thank you enough. 

Ben chuckled in slight surprise and smiled as he rubbed Frank’s back, pulling back after a while with blushing cheeks. 

“Don’t mention it okay, I’m happy to help.” He smiled warmly and Frank thanked him again, blushing a little himself. His grin was big and for the first time in months he felt truly happy. He sat and talked to Ben quietly for a while, just telling him more about how he had been surviving though he was careful not to give any hints on his location in case Ben ever did turn out to be an enemy. Though he refused to believe that he was, it didn’t hurt to be careful.

Ben left Frank after about an hour, taking the stew pot with him and promising to bring some scales with him the next night. Frank thanked him again and watched as he crossed the river before he got busy panning. He had lost some time now from the chatting but his belly was full and he was in a much brighter mood than he had been in a long time; he had never really considered how lonely he had become and the knowledge that he’d be seeing Ben again tomorrow only made him happier. He was grateful not only for everything Ben was doing for him, but also for his company too. It was amazing how much just a simple thing like having a conversation could mean to Frank and he even whistled a little as he panned all night.

xXx

When Frank returned to the little cave the sun was just beginning to rise. He had walked up from the river just as the sky began to lighten, giving himself plenty of time to get back into hiding before people started making their way to the river. He used to find it interesting to watch them arriving in the first few weeks of his isolation, but now he ignored the comings and goings in the town just like he ignored the sun in his nocturnal existence.

That morning though he took his time in shimmying out of his clothes down to his underwear. The days were always so hot that he was able to sleep without his clothes, which made him feel a little cleaner, though he supposed it didn’t make much difference. He usually rushed to get unchanged and get to sleep, but this time Frank kept his pace leisurely, taking the envelope of his letter out of his shirt and laying it delicately beneath a small pebble so it wouldn’t blow away.

Once he was unchanged he sat up against the back wall of the cave and spread his legs out infront of him, his feet outside the cave so that the sun could warm his bare toes as he picked up the letter. Once the sun started rising here it came up quick and so as he opened the envelope he had just enough light to read by.

Frank’s heart was racing as he slowly pulled the cheap paper out of the envelope, eager to read what Gerard had said but also nervous. It felt like forever since he had left and Frank felt almost convinced that Gerard would only be writing to inform him that being at home had made him realise how much he in fact didn’t love Frank and never wanted to see him again. But that wasn’t enough to make him put the letter down, his heart beating wildly in his throat as he unfolded the paper and began to scan over the familiar italic scrawl of his lover.

_To my Frankie,_  
I’ve finally made it back home now. It feels so good to be back in Jersey, seeing my family again is amazing. My mother is doing well and Mikey, well, Mikey is doing wonderfully now.  
As soon as I got back we got the physician we were after down and I managed to pay him his full fees with the gold and even had some left over. Mikey was so very sick when I got back, I feared that even with all the gold he was not going to make it. But the physician has done more than I ever could have hoped for and Mikey is coming along great. It’s like a miracle Frankie, it really is. He isn’t perfectly healthy yet, but he is improving so much and so fast I have high hopes for him.  
His daughter, Rose, has grown so much since I last saw her. She is the most precious thing, I hope you can meet her too someday, and of course Mikey’s wife Alicia too. I have told them all so much about you, they know I would not have got by in that place if it wasn’t for you and they long to meet you.   
It feels so long since I saw you last and I ache to see you again my love. I hope that you are not finding it too hellish in Hangtown. I know how hard it was for me when I was alone but I do worry about you, I fear you will not be able to cope as well as I did. I pray that you have made some new friends, but I don’t hold onto that hope too much as I remember the men in that town too well.  
I hope you can write me back soon Frankie, as I do worry much. Not a moment goes by when I am not thinking about you and I long to have you here. The feelings I had for you in that town I just know will be doubled once you are here and we are happy at last. You must be close to being able to come home now aren’t you? I have already started going to the docks most days to ask when the next ships from California will be getting in, so that if you happen to be on any of them I will see you. I promise I will be there waiting as each one comes in, I’ll wait for years if I have to. I’ll wait forever... just so long as one day I will see your smiling face on one of those ships.  
I hope things are well for you, love. Keep working hard and you will be home soon, I know it. My bed feels cold and empty without you in it with me, I wonder if yours feels the same.   
I pray for you often Frank. I have been going to church every week since coming home, thanking God for saving my brother and asking him to protect you also. I know that we are perhaps sinners, and maybe we are going to hell, or that’s what people would say if they knew. But you know something Frankie? I don’t think that God would care about our love for each other, for how could He not be pleased with how I feel for you? I think that He loves us as much as He loves anyone. Do you think so too? I hope so.  
Write me soon my love, it would be great comfort to me to hear you are doing well.   
I send all my love and my heart to you, please take care of it for it is yours for always.   
Sealed with a kiss,  
Gee. 

Frank sighed as he slowly folded the letter back up and held it to his chest for a moment. Tears had started to drip down his cheeks as he read the letter over and over again, the last three lines even more so. A lump had risen in his throat and his heart hurt so much it was like it was breaking and yet he felt incredibly happy at the same time.

He was so glad that Gerard had managed to get home quick enough to save his brother and even happier still to read that Gerard still loved him more than ever. But it made him ache to go home more than ever before and he couldn’t wait to see Ben that night and get his gold weighed. At least then he could know how long it would be before he could return and maybe Ben would even bring him some paper and a pencil so he could write a letter back to Gerard.

It felt strange to think how Gerard had no clue of what was happening. Frank realised with a jolt of his stomach that Gerard must believe that he was still in their cabin, still eating every day and sleeping in their bed every night. God, what would he think if he knew the truth? Frank wouldn’t tell him if he got to write a letter back that was for sure, it would do no good to make him worry more.

Frank sighed and lay back on the hard stone floor, staring up at the cave roof with a shine to his eyes. It felt strange to have read Gerard’s letter, to imagine his gorgeous voice talking to him. It had been so long since he had seen him that a part of him had started to believe that he had only ever imagined him. Having his letter in his hands made him real again and it was a great comfort to Frank.

“Oh Gee...” He mewled softly, closing his eyes and imagining that his lover was with him. He gently put the letter into his bag to keep it safe and wrapped his arms around himself, pretending that it was Gerard holding him and imagining all the wonderful things he would say to him if he were here. He even allowed himself to think of how good it was going to be when he returned home, something he had refused to think about before due to how unlikely it was he would ever be returning at all. But with Ben helping him now he had renewed his determination to get out of here one day and he thought of how tight he was going to hold Gerard when he saw him again. 

He might even kiss him, right there on the dock in front of everyone. God, those lips... Frank could remember how perfectly silky soft they had been and he slowly pouted his lips a little as if he would be able to feel Gerard’s against them in the silent cave.

Almost without thinking about it Frank began to slide his hand down his chest to his stomach, feeling his bones beneath his skin from how thin he had got. He imagined Gerard’s voice whispering in his ear that he needed to put some weight on, but that he was still beautiful anyway. He traced the lines of his ribs with his fingertips, thinking about how Gerard would probably follow the line with his lips, gentle and loving before moving up to suck on one of Frank’s nipples. Following this thought Frank’s hand moved up to circle one of the rosy nubs, almost as if Gerard was here and guiding him.

Frank hadn’t thought about sex or anything close since he had ran away. Why would he want to after what Sam had done to him? The last thing he had wanted to do was masturbate; but it had been months since then and well... a guy needs to give in at some point. And with Gerard’s letter fresh in his mind it was easy to picture his lovers beautiful face as his fingers rolled and pinched his nipple lightly.

“Mmph...” Frank sighed and closed his eyes as he tipped his head to the side, moving his knees up so he could plant his warm feet on the stone ledge outside the cave, tilting his hips a little as he teased one nipple and then the other with his calloused fingertips. His head was full of thoughts of Gerard and as he slid his hand back down his stomach it was the older man’s hand he was feeling. 

Frank bit his lip and took a deep breath, shivering a little as he stripped of the last of his clothes to lye fully naked in the tiny cave. His cock was only just perking up with interest and he grasped the mostly soft length gently, not pumping his hand at first, just gently massaging his fingers over it as he imagined that Gerard was kissing him. Taking his time with him because it had been so long, and that they were doing this in a huge, beautiful bed somewhere far from here.

As he felt his shaft begin to swell and extend Frank started to draw his foreskin back, sliding it away from the head and scratching his nail ever so tenderly down his fraenulum. He shuddered a little and gasped, rolling his head to the other side and biting down hard on his lip as pleasure started to build properly and his erection grew to its full length. 

His cock was throbbing already in anticipation of so long without any stimulation and Frank curled his fingers around the base. He was eager to feel the pleasure he knew he could cause and he pictured his lovers naked body in his head as he began to pump his hand up and down, slow at first but soon he was going faster and faster as he bucked his hips a little.

He didn’t pretend that he was having sex, or even that it was Gerard’s hand anymore. He didn’t think about the times he had had sex with Gerard or the times he hoped were to come, he merely held the image of the older man naked in his mind and tried to see how much he could remember of him. 

He was thrilled to find that he still had the perfect memory of his lover and he moaned quietly as he tightened his grip on his length, rubbing his palm along the underside of his shaft as he pictured Gerard’s pale, smooth skin. His silky black hair and long eyelashes framing those beautiful, sparkling eyes he loved so much. He pictured his taught, lightly muscled torso and flat stomach. The way his belly dipped towards his crotch and the way his hipbones protruded just slightly from his skin. He bit his lip as he thought of those strong thighs and cute little ankles, turning his lover to think of his muscled back and ass. Frank loved Gerard’s shoulder blades, he supposed it was a strange part of the body to like but Gerard just had beautiful shoulders. And the line down his back was beautifully defined. And of then of course his butt was so small and pert Frank couldn’t help but moan as he thought about it.

Frank’s grip on his dick tightened, his hand moving faster as he swiped his thumb over the head and pressed hard against the slit. He gasped and groaned deep in his throat, bucking his hips again and feeling the first surge of pleasure that yanked insistently on his muscles. He could tell he wasn’t going to last long and he just didn’t care, he needed this relief. 

He sighed and arched his head back, losing the image of his lover as he grew lost in his own pleasure, his body hot and his skin prickling. He could still hear Gerard’s voice in his head though, imagining all the filthy things Gerard would be whispering to him if he was here. He’d be telling him he was beautiful, Frank knew that, and he’d more than likely be telling him to cum, to let him hear it. Frank almost believed Gerard was here he could hear it so clearly.

“Oh God Gee...” Frank groaned, hissing as he dug his nail into the slit on the head of his erection, drawing out pre cum and smearing it down his length to lubricate his hand. He was so close his head was spinning and he leaked pre cum in copious amounts as he started to lose it.

“F – Fuck... Fuck... So good...” He groaned, pumping his hips in time to his hand as if he was thrusting up into someone, his cock throbbing with more pressure as the veins strained and his abdominal muscles clenched tight.

“Unnff... Ah!” He gasped, groaning loudly as he arched his back and curled his toes, scratching the nails into the stone floor as he released. 

Cum spurted from the tip in long, pearly ropes that hit the floor in long splatters, Frank squeezing his shaft hard and slowly drawing his hand up to milk out every last drop, his body trembling as the sticky mess dripped over his fingers last and covered his hand. 

“Ummph...” Frank slumped against the hard floor with a slow groan as he moved his hand weakly away from his softening penis and wiped his fingers against the floor in an attempt to get rid of the semen on them. He felt almost guilty and ashamed of himself, but also sated and content as he rolled onto his side and sighed softly.

The sun was shining brightly now and warming up the cave as Frank used his bundled up clothes as a pillow. His hipbone, ribs and shoulder were digging painfully into the stone floor but he barely even felt it, exhausted after his long night of panning and he had wasted the last of his energy in entertaining his fleeting fantasies; so it wasn’t long before he was snoring soundly in his sleep, dreaming for the first time about wonderful things like Gerard and not the night when Sam had tried to force his dick down his throat.

xXx

Ben was quiet as he panned at the river, ignoring the usual fights going on around him and pausing to look up at the hills surrounding the town every now and then. He wondered if Frank was up there somewhere, and what he’d be doing now. Probably sleeping, poor guy. 

Ben couldn’t wait to go and see him again that night. He had already checked when the next wagons out of this place were leaving and there was one at the end of the week, so he was hoping it would turn out Frank would have enough gold to leave then. Ben wasn’t sure how Frank would be able to travel back without any men noticing him but Ben was coming up with a few ideas and he couldn’t wait to talk to Frank about it. 

“Hey Benjamin.” A gruff voice called, Ben growing tense as he turned to scowl at Sam.

“What?” He called back, the older man grinning at him, his gold tooth glinting. 

“What’chu looking at?” He asked innocently, tilting his head towards the hills Ben had just been gazing at and making him blush deeply. 

“I ain’t looking at anything, just day dreaming.” He shrugged as casually as he could before turning back to the river and ignoring Sam’s intense gaze as he kept panning. He really hoped Frank would be able to leave soon... things were too risky to keep things up for much longer. He knew that if Sam ever got any hint that Frank was in the area he would hunt him down, and if people knew that Ben had been helping him... 

He’d be killed too.


	12. Dancing dead

Frank made his way to the river with a new lease of life inside him. He was as weak and tired as ever, and there was still a nagging sensation in the pit of his stomach trying to convince him he was never going to get out of here alive. But with the knowledge that Ben would be helping him from here on in he could force himself to think positively. 

He was making his way to the river at his usual time, but this time he had his bag with him, filled with all the gold he had managed to pan so far. He was surprised by how heavy it was, his bag weighing down on his shoulder and making it ache. It made him hope that he might have enough gold, but he knew it was probably just because he was so weak that it felt heavier than it actually was. But his stomach swirled with nerves and anticipation... Ben would be bringing the scales with him tonight. Frank would finally be able to know how close he was to being able to return home, and the desperation to get out of this place was making him almost sick with worry that he would have nowhere near enough. 

As he approached the river Frank could see that Ben had already arrived and was sat in the darkness with what looked like another stew pot in front of him. Frank smiled and waved shyly at him as he walked over, his stomach twisting and growling in anticipation of the food.

“Evenin’ Frankie.” Ben smiled warmly as Frank reached him and slowly sat down opposite him. “I brought the scales.” He smiled warmly, turning to take them out of his bag and put them in front of Frank.

Frank forced a smile and mumbled a soft word of gratitude as Ben pushed the scales towards him, though his use of his nickname had left his heart aching as he thought of all the times Gerard had called him that. After reading the letter Gerard was in his thoughts more than ever and he felt on the brink of tears he wanted to be with him so bad. 

“I also brought this erm... just in case you were err... so inclined to use it.” Ben mumbled, his cheeks blazing pink as he produced the straight razor and bar of soap from his little bundle. He hoped he wasn’t offending Frank, he just guessed the poor guy didn’t have anything to wash with and he had always been clean shaven when Ben had seen him in the town. “You don’t have to or anything I just –”

“Ben this is wonderful.” Frank quickly interrupted him, smiling warmly as he took the offered items and squeezed Bens hand gently. “Thank you. You already do too much for me.” He sighed, so grateful to have this new friend and Ben positively beamed at him, making Frank feel even happier too.

“Well err...” Ben softly cleared his throat after gazing at Frank for a long moment and he pushed the stew pot towards him. “Why don’t you eat that whilst I weigh your gold for you?” He offered softly. Frank beamed and thanked him, handing over his bag of gold before lifting the lid on the stew pot and closing his eyes in delight for a moment as he smelt the hot stew inside. 

Ben smiled fondly to himself as he took the bag from Frank and set up the scales. He kept glancing up through his eyelashes as Frank spooned stew into his mouth, chewing slowly and keeping his eyes mostly closed, clearly just savouring every last bite. His stomach tingled strangely as he watched him, keeping quiet as he poured the grains of gold into the scales and began to weigh each bottle.

Frank’s senses were being assaulted by the delicious stew as he hungrily shovelled in spoonful after spoonful. It was warming him to the core and filling his growling belly, his spirits lifted by the thought of having a proper wash with soap and the chance to shave away the beard from his face. It was almost as if that simple change was just one step closer to home, as if cleaning himself up and becoming more of a man and less of some wild beast he had been feeling like, it would take him just that little bit closer to leaving. 

He opened his eyes and smiled serenely at Ben as he watched him carefully weighing out each bottle of gold. He didn’t spill a single nugget and squinted hard to read the numbers coming up on the scales in the dark. They only had the moon for light but it was big and bright that night so it wasn’t too bad. Ben scratched each figure into the dirt with a stick to keep track, trying to add it up as he went along too. 

Frank sighed and ate some more of the stew, pulling the pot up into his lap once it was half full and he started scraping his spoon around the edges, determined to get every last crumb before he would let the pot go. And so the two men sat in comfortable silence, just enjoying each other’s company and thinking of wonderful things like going home and being safe. They both knew they were risking their lives but neither wanted to think too much about that.

After a long while Frank had eaten all of the stew and he laid the spoon inside the empty pot before putting the lid back onto it. He then made his way to the river to drink some water and wash his hands and face with the soap. Ben still had some gold left to weigh and Frank felt quite surprised by how much there was. He tried not to let it build up his hopes though and instead simply lathered soap over his jaw and chin and used the razor to awkwardly shave away all the hair that had grown. 

It was difficult with only the gushing river to use as a mirror but he took his time and despite his shaking hands was able to shave without cutting himself. 

Ben smiled softly as he watched Frank shaving, pouring the last of the gold into the scales and weighing it with careful precision before adding that figure to the ones he already had. He then added up everything again to make sure he had calculated it right as he went along and smiled warmly once he found he had. It was a lot of gold, but he knew that some men always just wanted more so he didn’t know whether it would be the amount Frank was hoping for. 

“Hey Frankie, I got your gold figured out.” He called with a smile, walking over to join the man as he shaved on the river bank. Frank looked up at him and smiled, washing the rest of the soap from his face before turning to face him properly. 

“Yeah? How much do I have?” He asked with a small giggle, his stomach churning nervously as he prayed it would be the right amount. 

“Mm, well... Oh, you missed a spot.” Ben noted, tapping a patch of hair left on Frank’s jaw and making the younger man blush. 

“Oh I... I did?” He mumbled, touching his fingers to Bens as his cheeks blazed. “I’ll just err... get that. Don’t tell me about my gold until after!” He gasped, turning and soaping his face again, grabbing the razor frantically to shave and jumping in slight surprise when Ben touched his wrist.

“Here, let me.” He smiled, turning Frank to him and cupping his face as he gently took the razor from him. Frank swallowed thickly and considered telling Ben to stop, that he could do it himself, but he supposed he had just proved he couldn’t do it himself and so he simply sat very still as Ben tenderly shaved his face for him.

Ben concentrated hard on not cutting Frank, his free hand holding his face still by resting gently against his jaw. He leant closer to get a better look, angling Frank backwards a little so that more moonlight could spill over his face. As he shaved away the last of the hair, leaving Frank’s skin smooth and clean, Ben felt his stomach flip a little at how handsome Frank became. He had almost forgotten how good looking the man was and he bit his lip as he leant back and smiled hesitantly. 

“There.” He smiled gently, Frank’s cheeks ablaze with a blush that burnt right to the bone and he quickly turned away to splash water over his face and get rid of the last of the soap. Once he was done he turned back to Ben and gasped in shock, almost falling backwards into the river at how close the older man was.

Ben slipped his arms around Frank’s waist and quickly levered him up before he could fall, resulting in bringing them even closer to each other, their lips barely an inch apart. 

“B – Ben!? W – What are you doing?” Frank squeaked, resting his hands on Ben’s chest to try and push him away, but no sooner had he touched him than he could feel his frantic heartbeat against his palm; the warmth of his skin through his shirt. It had been so very long since Frank had had any human contact and he felt his heart throb painfully as his breath hitched in his throat.

“I... I just... I want you to know I really care for you Frankie... I... I don’t really know why, I guess I just saw how close you and Gerard were and it kills me to see you struggle like this when Gerard was such a good man. I know you must be too to have been so close to him...” He mewled, his eyes searching Frank’s as he leaned even closer, his lips tingling as he almost felt them touch Frank’s. “I’ll help you as long as you need...” He purred. 

Frank gulped softly and forced himself to come back to his senses, smiling uncertainly as he gently pushed Ben away.

“I – Thank you Ben... It... It feels good to hear you say that.” He said gently, forcing a smile though his heart was racing uncertainly in his chest. He was glad that Ben was here and helping him, but the pain Sam had caused him was still fresh and despite Ben’s gentle touch he feared what he might try and do. “Please can I know how much gold I have now?” He asked quietly, trying to change the subject as he subtly wriggled away. 

“O – Oh, of course. I’m sorry.” Ben chuckled, it having completely slipped his mind and he rubbed the back of his neck as he told Frank the weight of his gold and then it’s approximate value. Once he had he quirked an eyebrow at the younger mans stunned expression, his eyes wide and jaw dropped. “What?”

“R – Really... That much?” Frank breathed, his heart starting to race again but this time with excitement. “You’re sure?”

“Absolutely.” Ben nodded, biting his lip. “Why? Is it a lot less than you were hoping?” He mewled sadly, Frank laughing and shaking his head as he suddenly became overwhelmed with happiness and launched himself into Ben’s arms, hugging him tight. 

“No! Oh my God Ben, it’s more than I could have dreamed! I can go home!” He cried, tears of joy in his eyes. “I can go home!”

Ben gasped softly and wrapped his arms close around Frank, resting his hands on his back as he slowly grinned and laughed. “Really? Oh my God... Frankie this is wonderful!” He beamed, squeezing Frank close and laughing along with him as they lay back in the grass and just held each other, Frank giggling madly from relief and happiness that made his head spin.

The happiness was short lived though and suddenly he gasped, sitting up with a look of pain to his eyes. Ben slowly leaned up on his elbows and bit his lip, looking questioningly at Frank as the younger man nervously started biting at his already bitten down nails. 

“Frankie?”

“I... I don’t know how to get back home.” Frank mewled quietly, turning to look at Ben with tears in his eyes. “How do I leave the town without being caught?” He whimpered, Ben smiling hesitantly as he sat up properly and shyly laid his hand on Frank’s to make him stop biting his nails. 

“Actually I had an idea about that.” He said softly, his heart missing a beat when Frank turned wide, glistening eyes on him. It was clear Frank was trying not to get his hopes up, but hope still shone in them like a beacon.

“You... You did?”

“Yeah, I err... I went to see when the next wagon out of the town is just in case, and it’s six days.” He said softly, Frank biting his lip as he thought about having to stay for another, unnecessary week. Though he supposed he should be grateful it wouldn’t be another month or something. 

“Okay, so I aim for that?” He asked uncertainly, still not sure how he’d be able to do that without being seen.

“Well... No.” Ben mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck. “I couldn’t think of a way to sneak you on there that wouldn’t be really risky, so I came up with another plan.”

“Okay.” Frank smiled, crossing his legs and looking expectantly at the older man. “Let’s hear it.”

Ben bit his lip nervously, hoping that Frank would like his plan. It wasn’t brilliant he supposed, but it was the best he could come up with on such short notice. And he wasn’t exactly a genius, he was just another man trying to find his fortune. 

“Well I thought that instead of waiting for the end of the week and everything, since you have all the gold you need that maybe I could just take you to the next town myself.” He said softly, Frank looking at him in confusion and he quickly continued. With more conviction this time now Frank hadn’t stopped him immediately. 

“I thought that I could pack up a wagon with a load of supplies and tell people I’ve had a letter from the closest town – I’ll say they’re running low on food or something and so I’m gonna take them some rations. I’ll leave really early in the morning so no one will be up yet, and I’ll hide you in one of the crates until we get to the next town where no one will recognise you, just in case.”

Frank was quiet as he nodded slowly, tapping his chin thoughtfully and considering this. It seemed simple enough, and if he was hidden in a crate then even if someone did happen to be up then he still wouldn’t be noticed. 

“So... How will I get to you, and into the crate?” He asked, smiling softly to show he liked the plan and just wanted to finalise details. Ben grinned as he realised this and leaned forward a little, whispering his plan to Frank and the two men grinned as they began to finalise everything.

Frank decided to leave the night after next, meaning that he could give Ben time to spread the word that he needed to take provisions to the next town, and for Frank to have one more night of panning. It wasn’t necessary, he had more than enough gold but a little part of him just wanted that one final night, where he could pan with the knowledge that he would be leaving soon after.

The plan then would be for Ben to come and meet him in the very early hours of the morning, sometime before the dawn where he and Frank would be free to walk through the town undetected. Frank would then hide inside an empty crate which Ben would then load onto a wagon with other food supplies. It was dangerous to travel at night when animals could sneak from the darkness so Frank would then be left to wait until dawn, when at first light Ben would ride from the town, taking Frank with him.

xXx

During the next day Ben spread the word that he would be leaving early the following morning to a different town. The men were all confused at first but after he explained about needing to take rations to the town who were struggling for food they simply accepted it without question. Some panicked that it meant Hangtown would soon be struggling for food also but Ben weaved intricate lies to keep them all calm and soon the plans were set. He would leave before dawn when everyone was still sleeping, and as far as he could tell, no one was suspicious about his true motives.

Ben panned on the river all day as normal, keeping his concentration focussed on the task and ignoring the stares he was receiving from Sam. He was mostly used to them by now, the older man always staring at him, but it was still a little unnerving. Especially when Ben was feeling so nervous about getting Frank out of the town without him being caught. 

The day seemed to drag for Ben but eventually sunset began to approach and men started packing away their things. Ben followed suit, washing his hands quickly in the river before getting up and leaving with the first few of the men. Sam was still staring intently at him, but the further Ben walked away the less obvious the prickling in his neck became. 

Ben slung his things into his cabin before heading down to the bottom part of the river to wash. There were some other men there but since he had been so quick to get from the panning section of the river to here he was hoping he’d be able to avoid the rush of men that always came by at around sunset. He didn’t really want to talk to anyone in case they started asking more questions about his leaving; he was trying to give as few details as possible to make the lying easier. 

Ben stripped off his clothes and stepped into the river, he and the three other men in there all careful not to look at each other and wash at a safe distance from one another. No one seemed to be in a very talkative mood which suited Ben just fine and he got busy lathering his bar of soap all over his body to get rid of the grime coating his skin. 

Just as he was scooping up water to wash the soap bubbles away a hand on his shoulder made him jump almost a foot into the air. 

“Jesus! What you doin’ creepin’ up on a man like that!?” He demanded as he whirled round, his stomach lurching and his cheeks flaming red as he saw who it was grinning back at him. Sam’s gold teeth glinted in the half-light coming from the setting sun as he chuckled wheezily. 

“Apologies Benjamin, I didn’t mean to frighten’ ya’.” He smirked, leisurely rubbing a bar of soap over his biceps and shoulders as he stared intently at the younger man. Ben took a step backwards, deeper into the river so that the water came up over his navel as his stomach roiled in disgust. Sam was taller than most of the men, and as he stood in the shallower part of the river he was proudly showing off all of his body, making Ben feel sick. 

“What do you want Sam?” Ben demanded, trying not to sound too impolite. He didn’t want to cause any trouble, not right now, when it was so crucial that he drew as little attention to himself as possible. 

“We-ell now, I just wanted to see when you planned to be leavin’ us is all.” Sam purred in a mock sweet tone, idly washing the upper half of his body and then smoothing the soap down lower as Ben tried to avoid looking at him. “Quite a shock to hear about the problems this other town be havin’.” He added politely, Ben scowling to himself as he finished washing the soap from his skin.

“Yeah well, it was a shock for me too. I’ll be leavin’ at dawn, so if you’d excuse me I have to go pack.” He snarled, trying to walk past Sam but the older man grabbed him by his wrist and tugged him back again, turning so they continued to face each other. 

“Of course, of course. But just before you go, a word of warnin’...” He said, still smiling sweetly as he released Ben’s wrist and continued lathering soap over his body, Ben scowling and waiting for him to speak. “I can’t help but have noticed that you’re never in the tavern anymore... I wonder why that could be.” Sam drawled, washing lower and making sure Ben looked as he lifted his penis and began lathering soap around it. 

Ben blushed deeply as his gaze was pulled down to look where the soap was travelling, and though he didn’t mean to stare he couldn’t help but look a little too long as he noticed the awful wound on Sam’s manhood. It had healed, but left an ugly, jagged scar. It looked like chunks were missing and Ben’s cheeks blazed as he wondered what had happened, if Sam could even obtain an erection like that... 

“If I find that you’ve been sneaking off at night to help someone...” Sam continued, apparently not bothered by Ben’s stare. The younger man quickly looked away and back to his face, still blushing deeply as Sam smirked at him. “Then I think we both know that that would be very bad for you.”

Ben gawped at the older man like an idiot for a long moment, his hands shaking as he shook his head quickly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He snapped a little too quickly. “I don’t go to the tavern anymore because I work extra hard, and I’m tired. I get to sleep early. Now if you don’t mind.” He snarled, finally managing to turn and stride away, Sam not trying to stop him this time.

xXx

Frank panned on the river all night like usual, though this time he kept to a leisurely pace, smiling to himself as he thought about going home and finally being able to help his family. Whatever gold he panned now would just be a little bit extra, but Frank decided he could use it to buy a nice gift for Gerard. The thought made him smile wider and sigh to himself, eager to get back to New Jersey and where he belonged again. 

As the night began getting later and later Frank went back up to his cave to gather together all of his things. He looked about and had a heart stopping moment as he gazed at the tiny, enclosed space he had spent the last god knows how many months in. He couldn’t lie to himself and say he would miss it, because he couldn’t wait to leave the damn place. But deep down he supposed it was a little sickening to be leaving, this tiny space had become something of a sanctuary to him and he felt almost bad for leaving. But the thought lasted only a second and then his eagerness to return home was back and he made his was back down to the dark river without looking back. 

Back on the river bank Frank sat down and waited impatiently for Ben to arrive. He hoped he wouldn’t stand him up, but he knew he wouldn’t do that. He had helped him so much already, there was no reason he had given to not do this now. 

Frank was only left waiting a few minutes and then he noticed a figure coming out of the darkness, splashing through the shallow water of the river to where Frank was sitting. As the figure came closer Ben’s face could be seen in the dim moonlight and he smiled softly at Frank as he approached him, his heart jumping in his chest. 

“Hey.” He greeted softly, Frank beaming and getting up to his feet quickly. 

“Ben! I’m so glad you’re here, I was worried you mightn’t show!” Frank beamed, laughing at his own stupidity as he flung his arms around the older man and hugged him tight. “I’m so grateful for all you’re doing. I really can’t thank you enough.”

“Yeah well, don’t thank me until we’re safely out of the town alright?” Ben chuckled uneasily, looking about just a little. He didn’t want Frank to see how nervous he was, he knew that would only make the younger man panic more. But after his encounter with Sam in the river he felt paranoid and a little shaken, terrified that the older man was going to appear out of the darkness. 

“Of course.” Frank giggled, oblivious to how uneasy Ben was due to how excited he was. He was bouncing a little on the balls of his feet and he still has his arms draped around Ben’s neck. When the older man realised this he turned back to face Frank properly, his cheeks tingeing pink as he looked into his sparkling, hazel eyes. 

“So... Shall we get going?” Frank asked softly when Ben just gazed stupidly at him. Frank suddenly realised he was still holding him and quickly drew his arms away, going to step back but Ben slid his arms around his waist and pulled him closer again, a strange look in his eyes. “Ben?” Frank mewled; fear starting to make his heart race but the hand that came up to cup the side of his face was gentle.

“Frankie I... I just want you to know that I’ll miss you when you’re gone.” Ben whispered softly, Frank gulping a little. “It’ll be a much lonelier place without you...”

“Oh well... erm... well I can write to you if you like and...” Frank bit his lip as Ben began to lean closer. In turn Frank leaned back, trying to keep distance between then but Ben didn’t seem to take the hint, instead he used the hand on Frank’s cheek to grab his jaw and yank him closer again, Frank gasping and squeaking in shock as Ben’s lips collided with his. 

“Mmmph!” Frank’s heart missed a beat and then began to pound erratically in his chest, his stomach lurching as he pushed his hands hard against Ben’s chest. Flashbacks of the night with Sam assaulted Frank’s mind and he felt ready to vomit into Ben’s mouth, his desperate squirming soon making Ben release him and he stumbled backwards. “What are you doing!?”

“Frankie I... I’m sorry. Frankie I –”

“DON’T CALL ME THAT!” The sound of Frank’s voice seemed to explode through the quiet night and both men suddenly fell silent, staring at each other with stunned faces. Frank’s lips were trembling as he stared at the older man, unsure now as to what to do. He needed to go home, and if Ben was still willing to take him then he had no choice but to go with him. But was that safe?

“Frank... I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me, I –” Ben suddenly stopped talking as something caught his eye and he turned to stare in horror at a tiny flickering light in the distance. Frank looked over at it too and felt his stomach lurch again, fear seeping through him and making him feel unsteady on his feet. 

“Oh God...”

“Go down river.” Ben whispered quickly, rushing to Frank and grabbing his shoulders. “Walk down that way and just keep going until you get to the very start of the town. Wait by the river for me there and we’ll leave straight away.” He ordered in a rushed whisper, pushing desperately at Frank to make him move but the younger man was frozen.

“B – But, just come now why stay here?” He whimpered, Ben understanding the somewhat vague question and pushing at Frank again.

“Ben! Don’t think I don’t know you’re there!” An all too familiar voice came out of the darkness and Ben sighed as Frank shook softly.

“He already knows I’m here, but he may not have seen you so _go_. Now! I’ll deal with him and meet you down there.” Ben snarled, pushing Frank as hard as he could and finally he seemed to come back to his senses and he turned and began to dash down the river towards the beginning of the town. 

Ben sighed with relief and closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath and trying to compose himself. He too was feeling tense and shaken, terrified about who was approaching him and what he had just done. He couldn’t explain why he had kissed Frank, the urge had hit him suddenly and he hadn’t thought about it. He would apologise more though when he met with him again, he didn’t want this to ruin the small friendship they had formed. 

Stealing his courage Ben turned to face the light approaching him. It was much closer now and after only another moment or so Sam came into sight, holding a lantern and scowling deeply as he looked about the otherwise deserted river bank. 

“Who were you talking to? I heard shouting.” He said icily, not looking at Ben but continuing to gaze about instead. 

“I wasn’t talking to anyone, you’re mistaken.” Ben shrugged, blushing as Sam turned angry eyes on him. 

“Don’t make me out to be a fool. I know I heard shouting.” He snarled, Ben shrugging and insisting that Sam must have heard it coming from somewhere else because, as he could see, he was entirely alone. “Alright, what are you doing on this side of the river then?” Sam asked instead, quirking an eyebrow to show he didn’t believe anything Ben had said so far. 

“Just enjoying the evening... I like to take a walk sometimes. Is that such a crime?” Ben shrugged, trying to sound casual though his heart was hammering erratically in his chest. “What are you doing here?”

“I followed you.” Sam said simply, clearly still unconvinced. “I saw you leaving your cabin so I got this lantern and came up here. You’ve been up here before, carrying stuff. You’re helping Frank aren’t you?” He snarled, Ben’s heart missing a beat in horror. He gulped softly and shook his head, trying not to look as guilty as he felt. 

“Of course not! I haven’t seen that guy in months, he’s probably dead.” He shrugged, his voice shaking a little and Sam scoffed, pushing past Ben to shine his lantern behind rocks and bushes, looking about for the short man he was convinced was hiding somewhere. 

“I know you’re lying to me.” He huffed, eventually giving up and turning to Ben again. “Tell me where he is now and I won’t hurt you.” He said softly, his voice low but menacing and Ben took a step backwards as Sam approached him.

“I’ve already told you, I haven’t seen him for months.” He insisted, his heart racing so fast he felt breathless. “You’re going crazy Sam.” He scoffed, gasping as the older man suddenly lunged at him and seized him by the collar, yanking him almost right off the ground. 

“You’re lying to me! Now you tell me where he is or God help me I will kill you!” He shouted, Ben choking a little as his hands scratched and yanked at Sam’s wrists, trying to break free.

“I – I’ve already t – told you! I d – don’t know!” He choked, gasping as Sam threw him down onto the floor and quickly moved to straddle his chest, sitting on his stomach and almost making him vomit with the force he winded him. 

“I’ll kill you!” He warned again, the lantern falling to the side and Ben felt the heat of its glass warming his arm as Sam pulled a knife out from inside his shirt and held it against his throat. Ben gulped and stared at the older man with wide, terrified eyes. He tried desperately to throw Sam off him but it was no use, the man was just too strong. “Tell me... right now...”

“I haven’t seen him.” Ben insisted, clenching his teeth as he scowled at Sam. He would never tell him about Frank, no matter if it cost him his life. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“So then you haven’t been bringing him food?” Sam demanded, a flash of guilt racing across Ben’s eyes. “And you haven’t planned this trip away to help him escape?” He pushed, the guilt that showed on Ben’s face completely giving him away. Sam felt almost shocked as he looked at him. He hadn’t been certain at all that that was why Ben was leaving in the morning, but to see that he was right just made him feel even angrier, rage consuming him. 

“You’re a liar.” He snarled, punching his fist so hard into Ben’s face he felt his jaw crack beneath the force. “Tell me where you’re hiding him or I kill you, I won’t give you another chance.” He insisted, grabbing Ben by the hair and yanking him up into a sitting position, Sam crushing his legs beneath his weight as he poised the knife against his stomach. “ _Tell. Me._ ”

Ben gasped and coughed, spitting blood out of his mouth along with a tooth that had been dislodged when Sam had punched him. He felt exhausted already, his lungs aching from where Sam had been sitting on them and he turned to look the older man dead in the eyes, blood trickling down his chin.

“I won’t tell you shit.” He spat, pressing his hands against Sam’s chest and pushing with all his might. But the older man didn’t so much as budge as he leant forward against Ben’s palms and thrust the knife as deep as he could into the younger man’s stomach.

“Then you’re a fool for trying to protect him.” Sam purred softly into Ben’s ear, Ben’s mouth hanging open in shock. His eyes were wide and they remained open even as Sam yanked the knife upwards, tearing through flesh and muscle and organs as he dragged the blade right up to Ben’s throat. Blood poured from the younger man’s mouth as his body convulsed and he choked weakly, blood splashing upwards with the speed Sam slashed through his body, but it was all over in an instant. 

Ben collapsed against the damp grass as blood pooled around him like a black lake, soaking his clothes and the grass around him. His intestines shone wetly in the light from the lantern when Sam moved back and picked it up, poising it above Ben’s body to ensure he was dead.

Ben’s eyes slowly turned a misty grey colour, his mouth still hanging open as his eyes stared blindly at the sky. The knife was still in his throat, left there like the gory end of a path that started in his abdomen. 

Sam’s hands were slippery with blood but he barely noticed as he hung the lantern on his belt and casually dragged Ben’s body to the river bank where he used his foot to roll him into the water. He frowned to himself as he watched the mutilated corpse float eerily downstream, carried by the current and leaving a small trail of misty blood behind that spread through the water before disappearing entirely as it was diluted by the cold liquid. 

Sam spat into the river and knelt down to wash his hands in the water. The blood went right up to his shoulders and had soaked his clothes, but he had more important things to worry about at that moment.

xXx

Frank was trembling as he waited for Ben to come find him. He had walked down the river as far as he could and then waited behind a rock. He could see the old oak tree from where he was standing, Ben’s cabin not far from there and he could hear a soft whinnying noise in the distance. He guessed it was the cart and horse that would be taking them out of this God forsaken place and he was anxious for Ben to arrive already. 

It felt like he had been waiting for ages, but he knew it was just his own impatience making him feel like that. He knew that it was Sam who been coming towards them upriver and he only hoped that Ben had been right when he said he didn’t think Sam had seen Frank. If he had then things would be very hard to explain on Ben’s part. Frank wondered if in his fear he would turn against him and just help Sam capture him in order to save himself. 

Frank stared at the oak tree from behind his rock and imagined himself swinging from it. He could practically feel the noose around his neck and he almost vomited from fear. He just wanted to leave this stupid town, was that really too much to ask? He wouldn’t be a bother to anyone anymore, they could all just pretend he was dead if they wanted.

But he knew that would never be good enough for Sam. After what he had done that night he knew the older man wouldn’t rest until he had seen him hanged. 

Oh God... if he had just sucked his dick none of this would have happened.

Frank groaned and buried his head in his hands, trying to breathe deeply and calm himself down. He told himself that Ben would be here any second and then they could leave. Everything was going to be okay, he just needed to stop panicking...

_Thunk... thunk... thunk..._

Frank looked up in confusion as he heard a soft knocking sound coming from close by. It was very gentle, barely even audible but it was a consistent, strange noise and Frank looked about in interest to find its source. 

Careful not to be seen by anyone Frank poked his head around his rock, looking at the town and making sure no one was walking about or in the windows before he crept out from his hiding place. He knew most men would all be in the tavern by now so with one final look about he followed the source of the noise to take a look in the river.

Standing on the bank Frank could see easily into the water, frowning at a dark shape some feet downstream. This end of the river had many rocks and shallow areas and so whatever was in there had come to a halt, the current lifting the shape and making it knock against one of the rocks.

Frank frowned and moved down to get a closer look, squinting a little in the darkness as he leant forward. His heart began to thud in horror as made out more of the shape, refusing to believe that he could be right but then a cloud slid from in front of the moon and pale light streamed down onto the body.

“Oh God!” Frank gasped, stumbling backwards in horror as Ben’s lifeless face stared up at him, mouth and eyes open, blood turning to froth around him as it was churned by the water. 

Frank cried out in horror and scrambled back to the rock, kicking up grass and dirt in his panic before he fell to his knees and began to throw up over the grass. He heaved so violently it felt like his stomach was trying to come up out of his throat, his ribs aching and his throat burning as he retched loudly. There wasn’t much for Frank to throw up so soon he was just heaving dryly, nothing but some saliva and stomach acid finding its way out of his mouth before he simply collapsed down in an exhausted heap.

“Oh God... Oh God...” Frank moaned as tears streaked down his cheeks, sobs wracking his body as he curled into a ball and hid his face in his arms. He wished he could wipe the image of Ben’s body from his mind but it was as if it was burnt into the inside of his eyelids, and all he could hear was that dreadful knocking sound as the water made his skull knock against the rock again and again and again...

The soft knocking soon drove Frank to jump to his feet, unable to stand it anymore. He retched again as he glanced at the body in the river, his stomach clenching and roiling. He could hardly believe what he was seeing, but it was only too obvious what had happened. As fear made Frank’s skin crawl he began to run, blindly at first, but then with more determination as he came up with a plan.

First he moved upriver so that he could cross without disturbing the body. Even so, Ben was still so close that Frank almost fell over in horror as he thought of how close the corpse was. He made it out of the river without collapsing though and began to run as fast as his legs would carry him away from the river and the awful thing left in it. 

Frank knew where Ben’s cabin was and as he rounded a corner he saw it only twenty feet in front of him, a horse and cart waiting outside the door, some wooden boxes already on it. Frank ran towards it, his lungs burning and his stomach still threatening to send him into another series of heaves. He forced himself to breathe though, forced himself to focus on escaping rather than his friend’s corpse. 

“THERE HE IS!” A voice suddenly roared, making Frank skid to a halt in shock. He turned and saw men running towards him from up the dirt road, Sam leading them all with blood on his clothes shown by the lantern he was holding. For a second Frank was frozen to the spot, the blood seeming to scream out at him as he stared at it, soaked into the fabric it clung to. So much blood... Ben’s blood.

Ben was dead.

Frank wasn’t even aware of his tears as he jumped back into life and continued running towards the horse and cart, stumbling so many times in his panic it was a miracle he reached the beast without falling. All the men running towards him were shouting and cheering, baying for his blood, shouting to each other that he had killed Ben.

“Fuck, fuck...” Frank chanted through his sobs as he grabbed the ropes securing the horse to the cart and began to pull. The cart would only slow him down, the horse would never run whilst attached to it, that much he knew. But the men were so close now, he had no time...

Then Frank noticed the rifle attached to the side of the horses saddle. He glanced at it once and then back to the men running towards, Sam couldn’t have been more than fifteen feet away. Frank hesitated for just a second more before he came to his decision and yanked himself up into the horse’s saddle. He grabbed the musket from the side and prayed that it was loaded. He hoped Ben had had the foresight of a possible quick getaway and he swung round in the saddle as he aimed the gun at the main rope attaching the horse to the cart. 

Sam lunged forward to grab Frank off the horses back as the shot rang out loudly. Some of the men at the back of the group screamed and panicked, gun fire went off everywhere, Sam jumped in surprise and stumbled backwards, giving Frank just enough time to fire again at another rope and sever it. 

Frank didn’t have time to feel relieved that the gun had worked, Sam was already reaching for him again and he felt nails scratch against his ankle as he dug his heels as hard as he could into the horses sides and made it rear up in shock. Frank gasped and fell forwards, flinging his arms around the animal’s neck so that he could cling on tight. Sam was thrown backwards at the beast’s sudden buck but then it was running, speeding forward faster than Frank could have hoped.

Frank gasped and sobbed as the horse ran rapidly down the dirt track, jumping over the main gate of the town and then up the mountain road which Frank had come down all those months ago when he had first arrived. Behind him he could hear screaming and shouting, gunshots as the men left behind began to fight one another, everyone blaming everyone else for letting Frank escape.

The noise began to fade as the horse ran, making it to the top of the mountain path and onto the straight, flat planes that showed the effect of a constant drought. Frank recognised it all from when he arrived but he felt no relief, no joy at having escaped. Instead he kept his arms around the horse’s neck as he buried his face into its soft brown fur and began to sob in earnest. 

The horse paid no attention to the man crying into its fur, though it did slow down now no one was frightening it and it galloped at a steady pace away from Hangtown. 

Frank was rising and falling steadily as the horse ran, a soft breeze lifting his overgrown hair and caressing his wet cheeks as he sobbed. It felt as though his heart would never heal, taken too much beating over the months he had spent in the town. He had been so eager to get home but after everything Ben had still been killed and Frank knew it was his fault. If he had never bitten Sam, if he had never allowed Ben to help him, then the man would still be alive.

The image of his friend’s corpse in the river haunted Frank as the first rays of sunlight began to lift over the horizon, the horse’s hooves thundering over the sun burnt ground and Frank soon had no more tears to cry. He stared blankly out across the wasteland surrounding him, his heart beating painfully as he tried to come to terms with the fact that he had managed to escape... that he had actually got this far. He had thought he’d be killed before he could ever leave that town and he felt dizzy from shock, his cheeks soaked from his tears but when he reached down to touch his satchel and feel all the bottles of gold inside he felt some comfort.

He was going home... He was going home and as soon as this trip was over he would be able to save his family and then...

Then he could look for Gerard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a heads up guys - the next chapter is the last!


	13. New Jersey

It had taken three months for Frank to get to Hangtown. Three long, exhausting months spent riding in a rickety wagon that made his bones ache and his teeth chatter. At the time he had felt nothing but growing despair the further away from home he got, wondering how long it would be before he returned, what he would find when he got to Hangtown. Would he make friends? Would he get enough gold? Would his mother and grandmother still be waiting for him when he returned? All of that now felt a million years ago, and as Frank travelled back towards his home he reflected on what he had been through and thought about how much he had grown.

The months he had spent in Hangtown had been good and bad. There had been moments when it had felt like heaven, but more often than not it had felt like all seven circles of hell. Frank had had to learn how to cope and as he sat squished between two large, rather smelly men he thought that maybe he hadn’t coped as well as he could have.

Sitting here now, in another rickety wagon that made his bones ache and his teeth chatter, he felt almost stunned that he had even made it out alive. It seemed that everything that had gone wrong he had only managed to get through out of sheer luck. Trying to hide a relationship with Gerard, getting enough gold, almost being raped by Sam and then hiding out for months... he hadn’t got through any of that with a single ounce of skill. He had just been flying by the seat of his pants and never had he really tactically thought about what he needed to do.

If he had, perhaps Ben wouldn’t be dead right now.

Ben was constantly on Frank’s mind as he travelled across states back to New Jersey. The man had been like Frank’s guardian angel in that place, helping him and keeping him alive for no real reason at all. Ben had been bringing Frank food long before Frank had even spoken to him, something no one else would ever have done. If Ben hadn’t been there for him Frank would have been long dead. And how was such kindness, such unselfishness repaid? 

Frank couldn’t help but feel that this was his fault. That it was somehow a punishment off God for being queer. Maybe God had wanted Frank to really suffer, made him think he had been given an angel and then cruelly taken him away. Maybe it was punishment for everything Frank and Gerard had done. Maybe Frank thought he was getting out of hell by going home but in fact those never ending fires were still waiting for him...

Maybe... 

But maybe that wasn’t the case at all. As much as Frank thought about it he couldn’t help but think that God would never do something like that. Even if he and Gerard were destined for hell, that was no reason for a man as evil as Sam to ruin Frank’s life. And it was definitely no reason for him to kill someone as kind as Ben. The God Frank believed in simply would not do that. 

Frank sighed and rubbed a hand through his hair as he yawned. He had been travelling for two and a half months now and he was coming to the final stretch of his journey. By the morning they would have made it to a dock where they would go their separate ways. Frank would get on a ship to Jersey and all he would have to do then would be to brave the sea and then he’d be home. Back with his mother. Back with his grandmother... Back with Gerard.

xXx

Gerard sighed as he gazed out over the ocean, a sea breeze gently ruffling his hair as he looked out over the waves. 

He had been coming to the docks every time he knew a ship coming in from California was arriving and had watched in hope for Frank to appear. But every time he was left disappointed, scanning the faces of the men walking down onto the dock, his heart sinking the longer he waited until finally crushing down like a rock on his stomach when the final man disembarked, Frank missing amongst them. 

Gerard thought about Frank every day, especially at night. He missed him more and more every day, sometimes missing him so bad he would convince himself if he had to be without him another minute he would die. There had been plenty a night when he would walk to the dock and just sit watching the ocean, even when he knew there were no ships coming in. He would sit anyway, just in case a secret one was arriving or something. Just in case Frank came home...

Another ship from California had just come in and Gerard had watched with baited breath only to be disappointed again. He sighed as he pulled his overcoat tighter around himself and stared out over the choppy waves. He wondered where Frank was now, wondered whether he was thinking about him. Was he still in Hangtown? Was he on his way home? Did he miss him at all? 

“Find what you’re looking for?” Gerard jumped in surprise and turned quickly to stare at his brother in shock, Mikey smiling sadly at him as he leaned heavily on a walking cane, the wind making his cheeks pink with cold and Gerard quickly fussed over him, buttoning up the top button on his over coat and pulling his scarf so it covered more of his neck.

“Mikey, what are you doing here?” He gasped, fussing over his brother’s clothes until Mikey smacked his hands away with a fond smile. 

“I came to see where you’ve been going all the time. I never realised you were such a fan of the ocean.” He smirked, shivering a little in the chill winter air and smiling as he cupped his brother’s face, making Gerard look at him as he tried to avoid his gaze. “You’ve been coming here almost every day haven’t you? What are you looking for?” He asked curiously, his eyes wide with intrigue and Gerard shrugged out of his grip.

“I... Nothing.” He shrugged, Mikey rolling his eyes and hooking his arm around Gerard’s as he steered him away from the sea and began walking back into the town.

“Oh come off it Gee, I know you better than you think.” He teased lightly, Gerard keeping his pace slow beside his younger brother so that Mikey could easily stroll beside him. Although he was much better he would never be as strong and healthy as he could be and there were days, especially in this chill weather, where he really seemed to be weakening. But Mikey had never felt better and he had his brother to thank. He had noticed that there was something bothering Gerard, and he wanted nothing more than to know what it was so that he could help Gerard just like he had helped him.

“What is it about the docks you like so much huh?” Mikey pushed when Gerard kept silent, walking slowly beside him as Mikey’s cane tapped on the floor with each small step. 

“It’s not the docks I like...” Gerard shrugged, keeping his gaze fixed ahead as he felt Mikey staring at the side of his face. His heart stuttered a little and he bit his lip, hunching his shoulders up as a cold wind lapped around them and Mikey huddled more into his side. “I’m just...”

“Waiting for someone.” Mikey finished for him, smirking when Gerard stared at him in shock. “What? Oh come on Gee, why else would you be there all the time? Who is it? A woman?” He asked, grinning playfully and Gerard couldn’t help but smirk back a little and shove him. 

“I... No. Not a woman...” He said slowly, wondering what he should tell Mikey. He loved him to pieces, and he really would love to tell him the truth. It would make things easier for him if he had someone he could talk to about it, someone who could understand how he felt. But Mikey could never understand. Not his beautiful, innocent brother who was so happily married to a gorgeous woman with a beautiful daughter to show for it. How could he ever understand? 

“A man?” Mikey smiled, Gerard nodding. 

“Yeah. Erm... Frank, actually.” He said softly, trying to keep things vague and avoid Mikey’s gaze as they weaved through back alleys and narrow streets to make their way home quickly. People were starting to desert the streets now, rushing indoors from the bitter wind outside. The clouds above were black and ominous and Mikey gazed up at them as they walked.

“Looks like it might snow.” He noted, his breath appearing in the air like speech bubbles and Gerard nodded his agreement, relieved by the conversation change but Mikey wasn’t a fool and he quickly reverted it back. “Is Frank going to be back in New Jersey by Christmas?” He asked softly, Gerard shrugging and Mikey would have had to be blind to not see the flash of pain in his brother’s eyes. 

“You miss him a lot don’t you.” He stated softly, Gerard glancing at him and pursing his lips slightly before giving a short, sharp nod of the head. “So you go to the docks every day to see if he’s on any of the boats... He must mean a lot to you.” 

“He was my only friend in Hangtown. He made the place bearable, I owe him a lot. He was a good man and a good friend, that’s all.” Gerard said curtly, the words sounding somewhat rehearsed and hollow and Mikey looked sadly at him as he squeezed his arm. 

“I never suggested it was more than that.” He pointed out softly, tugging Gerard to a halt only a short walk from their home. Gerard glanced at him and tried to continue walking, but Mikey was persistent and soon the older man had no choice but to reluctantly stand still and face his sibling. 

“What?”

“Did he not reply to your letter?” Mikey asked gently, Gerard blushing... or was that just the cold against his cheeks?

“I... I haven’t had a reply yet.”

“Do you worry about him?”

“I have no reason to.”

“If you love him you do. It’s only natural to worry about people you love when you don’t hear from them for a long time.” Mikey shrugged, Gerard stammering a little before scowling at Mikey’s calm, open face.

“I – He – Love! How dare you suggest such... such... I...You mean to say... You think that I... To even suggest that I could be –”

“Queer?” Mikey finished for him, shrugging at Gerard’s bewildered look. “Sorry, you were rambling. I thought I’d help out.” He grinned, Gerard opening and closing his mouth like a goldfish but nothing came out so Mikey continued. “I only said you might love him. Friends can love each other, I never said you were queer. Though your reaction speaks volumes.”

“My reaction!?” Gerard squeaked, Mikey laughing a little and kissing his cheek.

“Gerard, you’re my big brother. You helped raise me, you taught me a lot, you saved my _life_. You’ve given so much to the family, made us wealthy... I’m not suggesting I think anything about who you do or don’t love. But I just want you to know that after everything you’ve done for me I wouldn’t push you away for... silly reasons.” Mikey shrugged it off and continued walking, Gerard following him in a slight daze. 

He didn’t know what to say... what to _think_. Was Mikey trying to tell him he wouldn’t care if he was queer? Gerard found it hard to believe, had never once allowed himself to believe that any of his family would accept him. He had long since resigned himself to the fact that he would eventually have to find a woman to marry and father children. He had never allowed himself to dream it could be any other way. 

“B – But Mikey, pushing me away for being queer isn’t a silly reason –”

“It is to me.” Mikey interrupted him, turning to frown at him slightly as they entered their street. “Would you disown me if I said I liked men?” He demanded, Gerard just gawping at him. The idea of Mikey liking men was so absurd that he couldn’t imagine it at all, let alone answer him. “And besides, Alicia agrees with me so it’s not just me.” He shrugged, Gerard’s jaw dropping so far it was a wonder it didn’t fall off altogether.

“You... You’ve told Alicia I’m queer!?” He hissed, striding after Mikey who laughed a little.

“Not quite. I speculated... She agreed with me. And I can’t help but notice you haven’t denied it yet.” He added, smirking at Gerard with such playful eyes that the older man couldn’t help but smile timidly back. 

“Well... Well I... You wouldn’t believe me even if I did.” 

“True.” Mikey grinned, laughing as he nudged Gerard softly. “So, is Frank the same? Does he like you back I mean?” He asked softly, Gerard blushing deeply and biting his lip as he looked up at the blackened sky, his heart aching a little. 

“Yeah he... he does. Well, he did at least...” He sighed, watching the first flurries of snow start to fall as he followed Mikey into the house where a fire was cracking in the grate. The conversation seemed to die on the doorstep, Mikey greeting Alicia with a wide smile and kissing her softly in the kitchen doorway as Gerard wandered to the living room to play with Rose, not another word being said about Gerard’s daily visits to the docks or his questionable sexuality.

xXx

Frank stared out over the ocean as he laid his arms on the side rail of the ship, a soft breeze fluttering his hair. He could taste salt when he ran his tongue over his lips, the wind freezing cold but Frank barely noticed. He was not a sailor and he never could be, he was the only man on the ship who was still sea sick after a week of sailing and though the other men found it highly amusing, Frank was sick of being sick.

The sea was not exactly rough but Frank longed for dry land, though he knew as soon as he got back home it would all be worth it. His heart felt as if it was constantly racing as he thought about New Jersey and how amazing it was going to be when he got back to his old home and saw his family again. How good it was going to feel when he showed them how much gold he had... how happy they would be when he bought them a house that wasn’t falling apart, be able to take them out and actually afford food to eat. Coal to keep them warm. He wasn’t going to buy anything ridiculously extravagant, he didn’t want a mansion and caviar and servants. He just wanted enough to live by, and he had more than enough gold to keep them comfortable for years, all he’d need was a little job to make sure he never ran out.

Frank decided that would be his first priority. If Gerard wasn’t waiting on the dock like he had promised then Frank would simply go home and sort his life out. Then maybe he would search for the older man... 

That’s what Frank told himself anyway, though deep down he knew that if Gerard wasn’t on the dock then the disappointment would crush him. He would go home and then spend every day desperately asking around for the man, searching for him always until he found him again. He worried constantly that Gerard would have changed, wouldn’t want to see him anymore. But whenever Frank had a quiet moment to himself on the boat he would hide in his bunk and find out the letter Gerard had last sent him and sit and read it over and over again.

Gerard still loved him... he had to. 

xXx

It took ninety four days of travelling, half on land and then finally by ship before New Jersey came into sight. Ninety four days since Frank had escaped... ninety four days since Ben had died... Ninety four terrifying, tiring, lonely days before the one thing Frank had wanted to see for so long appeared out of the sea fog like heaven itself.

Frank had managed to not throw up for an entire week before the ship came into dock at Jersey and as the gangplank was laid down onto the dock Frank was first in line to disembark. His one small satchel was the only bag he had, holding nothing but gold and his letter from Gerard, his only clothes the ones he was wearing that he had had to wash in sea water like all the other men. He stunk, his hair was greasy and too long, he had cuts on his jaw from a shaky, sickly shave he had attempted the day before and he longed to have a real wash. And yet he was happier than he had been in a long time as he stumbled down the gangplank onto the familiar docks.

It was only a week until Christmas and the day was bitterly cold. There was a freezing wind blowing and a few flakes of snow were falling onto the already snow lined streets. There were sailors everywhere going about their work, ignoring the forty-niners that trundled through the streets in dirty clothes that were nowhere near warm enough for such weather. It was a familiar sight by now, men coming back from the gold rush, looking like tramps but everyone knew that in no time at all they’d be living like kings; that no one paid any attention to them at all.

Frank shivered violently and pulled his clothes tighter around himself, bunching up the collar of his shirt to raise more over his neck since he had no scarf, no overcoat, no mittens... in fact, he knew if he didn’t get out of the cold soon then he’d end up being seriously ill. He had such a terrible immune system and he had already suffered pneumonia before and it was not something he wished to repeat.

Frank walked quickly up to the harbour wall with the other men who had travelled from California with him, the men chatting brightly around him, happy to be home, but Frank kept silent as he stared about at the people walking through the streets. 

There were very few civilians around, only sailors and men arriving back from voyages and Frank felt his heart race a little as he stopped on the pavement to gaze about. He felt as if his heart was rising into his throat the more he stared about, trying not to get too hopeful but he knew it was already too late for that. As his wide eyes scanned every unfamiliar face before him he could feel the lump in his throat threatening to suffocate him, tears starting to sting in his eyes. 

He knew it was ridiculous to actually believe Gerard would be waiting for him, the older man couldn’t really come by every day just to see if he had arrived. That was one hell of a commitment to keep to and it was probably just a figure of speech that Frank had taken literally. Why would Gerard come here on the unlikely chance he’d see Frank when he had his family to catch up with. 

Frank sighed and shivered again, his breath coming out in clouds in front of his face and he bowed his head in defeat. Gerard was nowhere to be seen and it was too cold to stand around in the hope he would see him. He would simply have to live with it for now and go in search of the older man once he had settled back at home. 

Frank wiped a stray tear away as he began making his way down the street, people rushing about around him to get out of the cold but Frank couldn’t bring himself to match their strides. He knew it was stupid but he felt so incredibly disappointed he just couldn’t find the energy to summon back his earlier excitement. 

Rapid footsteps began nearing behind him and Frank scowled to himself, tensing and shivering violently in the cold as he dawdled down the pavement. Whoever was rushing behind him could either slow down or walk round him, he certainly wasn’t going to speed up. He had no rush to get anywhere – 

Frank jumped in shock when warmth suddenly surrounded him like a blanket, a heavy, warm overcoat being draped around his shoulders from behind so that his heart skipped a beat before racing again.

“Jesus Frankie, you’re gonna catch your death wandering around in those clothes.”

Frank tensed and stilled as he squeezed his eyes shut, shaking even more though it was nothing to do with the cold this time. That voice was like his own personal sanctuary and for a second he couldn’t believe he had heard it, but the weight of the expensive overcoat against his skinny frame would not go away, it was no illusion, and when he turned round to face the man behind him Gerard’s grin was more real than ever.

“G – Gerard...” Frank croaked, his voice almost inaudible as the force of his emotions almost strangled him and he couldn’t help but sob as he fell forward into strong arms and buried his face against Gerard’s chest. “O – Oh God... Y – You’re actually h – here...” He whimpered through chattering teeth, Gerard’s soft chuckle making his heart stutter. 

“I said I would be. God, I can’t believe _you’re_ here... I’ve waited so long.” Gerard sighed, holding Frank tight as he bowed his head and closed his eyes. Snow was falling gently around them, freezing them both but it at least meant people were in such a rush to escape the cold around them no one really paid them any attention. They just looked like old friends reuniting and Gerard held back the urge to kiss Frank as he held him close. 

“Come on, we need to get out of this cold. Come with me.” He smiled after a long moment of just embracing his lover and Frank nodded mutely, avoiding Gerard’s eyes slightly. He knew if he looked at him properly he’d be unable to hold back his tears and he didn’t want to cry in the middle of the street, hell, he didn’t want to cry at all. He wasn’t some emotional woman.

Gerard kept a hand casually on Frank’s shoulder, leading him down the street to a nearby tavern where many men were taking refuge. There was music and laughter coming from inside and an attractive golden light from a fire. Frank smiled gratefully as they ducked through the doorway, heat enveloping them instantly and Frank shivered away the last of the chill that gripped him. 

Inside the tavern was full, but to Frank’s surprise Gerard simply took him straight to the bar and asked the man there for a room. He told him it was needed only for a couple hours and that a bath needed to be filled for his ‘young friend’. The barman looked confused at first but didn’t question it when Gerard pushed some money into his hand and he assured him he’d have the serving girls fill a tub immediately. 

“G – Gerard I’m fine r –really.” Frank whimpered but Gerard only smiled at him and walked up to the room they had been given the key to, his smile so breath-takingly beautiful to Frank who had spent months in what felt like constant misery that he just couldn’t bring himself to protest anymore. 

Frank followed the older man down a hallway of rooms, waiting as he unlocked the door before following him inside. The room was nothing special, but it had a fire crackling merrily in the fireplace and a large four poster bed. There was an ensuite attached with a copper tub with clawed feet inside it and the two men had barely been in the room two minutes before the young serving girls from the bar came in carrying buckets of boiling water. 

Frank bit his lip as he stood aside with Gerard, catching his reflection in a mirror and blushing slightly. He looked awful and he was suddenly grateful Gerard had asked for a bath to be prepared. He seriously needed to wash his hair and clean his grubby skin, he felt hideous compared to how gorgeous Gerard was looking.

The older man was looking amazing and Frank knew it was a product of not just his gold but also just being home in general. His skin seemed to be glowing and his black hair was shorter than usual though still long enough to brush against his neck. His hazel eyes were sparkling as he gazed at Frank and his smile made the shorter man’s heart melt. He was wearing expensive looking clothes, tight black trousers and a white shirt, his over coat black and a red scarf that was around his neck now folded neatly on the bed. 

Frank felt hideous compared to his lover and his heart was hammering as he gazed at him. Gerard seemed thrilled to see him but Frank wondered if he still loved him as much as he did. Wondered if now they were back home they would only ever be friends. Frank felt like a tramp stood next to a prince and he didn’t think that would ever change.

“Thank you ladies.” Gerard smiled widely as the final bucket of water was poured into the copper tub, cold this time to balance out the temperature. The girls smiled and nodded, giggling a little as they glanced at Gerard on their way out the door. Gerard smiled serenely back, closing the door behind them and turning to Frank with a grin.

“Come on, get undressed.” He chuckled when Frank just stood shyly in the centre of the room, looking timidly at him. Gerard gazed at him for a long moment before sighing and walking up to him, gently cupping his face and smoothing his thumbs across his cheeks. His heart raced and his fingertips tingled, his face falling serious as he gazed into Frank’s beautiful hazel eyes. 

“I’ve missed you so much Frank...” He whispered, noticing how the sparkle he remembered was missing from his lovers eyes and he mewled softly as he held him close and peppered his face in tender kisses. “What’s the matter my love? Are you not pleased to see me?” He whimpered, Frank shaking his head quickly and burying his face into Gerard’s chest as he wrapped his arms tight around him. 

“Of course I am... I started to believe I’d never see you again. I missed you so much.” He breathed, starting to cry softly as familiar strong arms cradled him close and Gerard hushed him gently, stroking his hair as he kissed over his neck and cheek. 

“Oh Frankie... Frankie shh... Don’t cry. Please don’t cry, love.” He whispered, cupping Frank’s face and capturing his lips in a tender kiss.

As soon as their lips touched Frank’s tears came to a gentle stop, his sobbing fading as he sunk into Gerard’s arms and mewled quietly against his lips. His heart was racing so fast in his chest it felt as if it could explode altogether and he tangled his fingers deep into the older man’s hair as Gerard kissed him soft and slow. Working their lips together so tenderly it was like he was sipping against Frank’s mouth, purring softly as their tongues touched just barely before Gerard pulled back and slowly stripped Frank of his clothes.

“I love you Frank, more than ever. I never stopped Sugar... I’ve waited at the docks every day, feeling like I would die every time you weren’t there...” He whispered softly, touching his forehead to Frank’s as he tugged his grubby clothes away and left them in a pile on the floor as he scooped Frank up and carried him into the adjoining room to lay him in the tub. 

“I love you too Gee... Love you so much... I thought about you every day, missed you so much...” Frank mewled softly, rambling a little to himself as he sunk into the warm water of the bath and bit back a moan of utter delight. His cool skin warmed up in an instant, his muscles relaxing as Gerard knelt beside the tub and gently used his hands to wash water over Frank’s chest. 

Gerard smiled softly but his heart ached as he looked his lover over. Frank had gotten a lot skinnier in their time apart, his ribs and hipbones clearly visible and Gerard bit his lip as he traced his fingers over them. He had a few bumps and bruises that were fading, but there was a look in his eyes that really told Gerard something had gone wrong whilst he had been away. 

“What happened after I left Frankie?” He asked gently, smiling as Frank relaxed under his touch and closed his eyes, falling dreamy. “I can tell something did...” He whispered, Frank sighing and shaking his head. 

“Nothing that matters anymore.” He breathed, turning his face away and feeling tears stinging in his eyes as he tried not to think about the image of Ben’s body that still haunted him. 

“Frankie...” Gerard sighed, moving to kneel behind him and rub his fingers through his hair, picking up the soap that had been left for them and using it to wash Frank’s long hair for him. He waited until Frank was relaxed again, almost sleeping as he sank into the warm water before he brought up the subject again. “Please tell me Frankie, I want to know.” 

“No you don’t.” Frank mewled, whimpering softly. “It was so awful Gee... I thought I was going to die.” He whispered softly, Gerard growing tense for a moment but he was quick to relax himself again, continuing to massage his fingers through the younger man’s hair so that he would stay dreamy and open. 

“Why? Tell me all about it honey, let me make you feel better.” He purred, Frank sighing and arching his back a little as Gerard massaged his scalp, turning him into jelly and making the whole story just slip out with ease. He had told himself he would never let Gerard know the truth but as his hands massaged through his hair he couldn’t bite back the truth any longer. 

Gerard kept silent as Frank spoke, taking a long time to tell his lover the full story, especially since he kept pausing at crucial points when fear would take over and Gerard would have to coax him back into speaking. Gerard kept washing Frank as he talked quietly, sighing a little at the gentle way Gerard scrubbed him clean, not letting the horror or shock he was feeling show on his face as what Frank had gone through became clear.

By the time Frank had finished his story the bath water was going cold and Gerard didn’t say anything as he gently lifted the younger man out of the tub and grabbed one of the nearby towels to wrap around him.

Frank peeked up at the older man with fearful eyes as he looked over his shoulder, his lips tight shut as he rubbed his hands up and down Frank’s arms over the towel, warming him up and drying him of all the water as he thought over everything he had said. Gerard felt sick after hearing all Frank had gone through and he didn’t quite know what to say in response. He had never dreamed that his lover was going through so much.

“Gee... Please say something.” Frank croaked when Gerard stayed silent for too long, his heart starting to race in fear. Had his revelation pushed Gerard away? Should he have just kept his mouth shut? “Gee?”

“I should never have left.” Gerard finally whispered, slowly moving his eyes to meet Frank’s and he felt his heart soar into his throat as he gazed at the younger man. He could see that his hazel eyes had changed, the usual playful spark he had loved so much was missing. Replaced by a dark tint that seemed to cloud the hazel and turn it into a churning butterscotch colour, his pupils somehow deeper. Gerard could almost feel himself getting sucked into a black hole of misery and despair and he quickly shook his head, pulling Frank forward to encase him tight in his arms. “I’m so sorry...” 

“What?” Frank squeaked, blushing deeply as he slowly wrapped his arms around Gerard’s waist and nuzzled his face into his chest. “Gerard it isn’t your fault... you couldn’t have stayed. You needed to come back and save Mikey.” He mewled, Gerard shaking his head but Frank laid a finger over his lips before he could protest. 

“But Frankie I –”

“No. Shh, don’t even say anything. There was nothing you could do and I’m fine now. I don’t want to think about it anymore okay? Please just let me forget it.” He begged softly, Gerard looking close to tears as he gazed into Frank’s eyes but he slowly sighed and nodded, swallowing down the lump in his throat.

“If I’d lost you...”

“Well you haven’t lost me, so just stop.” Frank interrupted again, tiptoeing up to gently peck Gerard’s lips and stroke his fingers into his hair. “I don’t want to think about it.” He whispered sternly, sighing as he pecked Gerard’s lips again, letting the kiss linger for a second longer this time as he closed his eyes. “I’ve missed you so much Gee... Can’t we think of nice things instead?” He whimpered, wanting the gulf between him and Gerard to feel smaller, wanting to feel that closeness he had missed so much.

“Nice things...” Gerard repeated softly, sighing as laid his hands on Frank’s waist. “Frankie you have no idea how hard I’m trying not to just throw you onto that bed and make love to you all day...” He groaned, Frank giggling softly and tugging Gerard’s face down to kiss him softly over and over.

“Mm... Why on earth would you stop yourself? I want nothing more than that...” He purred, Gerard looking at him in surprise and Frank smirked softly. “What? Did you think I’d be too tired? Too upset?” He asked softly, gently pushing Gerard back towards the bed. “Do you have any idea how much I wanted this whilst you were away, how many times I dreamed of you?” He whispered, starting to lose his playful edge as he stared at Gerard with big eyes. “Don’t you want this too?

“Oh God Frankie, of course I want this. I want _you_.” Gerard sighed, scooping Frank up and letting the towel fall to the floor as he carried him the rest of the way and laid him in the centre of the bed, capturing his lips in a passionate kiss the moment their bodies touched. “Mmmph... I love you...” He sighed, Frank nodding and groaning in delight as he wrapped his arms around Gerard’s neck and kissed him back with equal hunger. 

It had been so long since they’d been apart, months leaving them feeling deprived and almost bewildered as they sucked and nipped at each other’s lips. Frank had spent so long believing he’d never make it home that he could hardly believe he was really here, his heart beating so fast it felt as if it would explode as he kissed desperately over Gerard’s lips. He couldn’t get enough of the older man, needing to feel him constantly to believe he was really there.

“Mm... Mmmm....” He groaned, arching his body up and wrapping one leg around Gerard’s waist as they grabbed at each other, wanting to feel every last inch of the others body and Frank got busy yanking Gerard’s clothes away with shaking fingers. 

Gerard sat up and helped remove his clothes, kicking the garments off the bed and laying his naked body over Franks, groaning a little as his skin tingled wherever Frank’s touched. He felt blood gushing south instantly, his body seeming to recognise Frank’s and responding eagerly as their lips connected again, their kissing tender but no less hungry. 

Frank sighed and felt all of his tension melting away as he rolled his hips up and rubbed his growing erection against Gerard’s. Feeling Gerard’s body against his, the way his hands cradled his face so delicately, his arms strong when they wrapped around him... it was like every internal wound and laceration Frank’s time in Hangtown had gained him was being healed. Soothed away by the very thing he had wanted for so long, Gerard’s gentle kisses better than any medicine he could be given.

“Mm... Gee...” Frank sighed, tipping his head back as Gerard moved his kisses down his neck, his hands stroking down Frank’s torso and he sighed softly against his ear.

“Frankie, you’re so thin.” He whispered, tracing his fingertips over Frank’s ribs and nipping his neck gently. “We’ll need to change that...” He purred, kissing down to suck on the skin over his collarbone before sliding his tongue down to one of his nipples.

Frank groaned and nodded his agreement, unable to form a coherent sentence though as Gerard rolled his tongue over the rosy nub beneath his lips before teasing it between his teeth. Gerard gazed up at Frank through his eyelashes, using his hand to tease the other nipple with his thumb. Frank’s eyes were closed and his head back, his breathing turning heavy in an instant as his body sang with pleasure. After so long of nothing he felt hyper-sensitive and every little touch was sending sparks through his dick.

“G – Gerard...” He groaned, biting his lip as Gerard hummed around his nipple and sucked softly. He closed his eyes as he kissed further down Frank’s body, following the line of his ribs with his tongue as his hands ghosted down his hips, barely touching the skin. His heart ached to feel Frank so skinny, but he knew he’d be healthy again in no time and he was still the most beautiful man Gerard had ever seen.

“Mm... Wanna taste you Frankie... Wanted to taste you for so long...” He sighed, wrapping his hand around the base of Frank’s erection and guiding it upwards as he slid down a few more inches and flicked his tongue over the head. He was lying with his head resting on Frank’s abdomen, able to feel each breath he took as he sipped delicately against the tiny slit pressed against his lips.

Frank sighed and shuddered softly, feeling so turned on it was painful. His dick was ridiculously hard, pulsing and throbbing as Gerard kissed and lapped his tongue over the head, taking his time; teasing him. His heart was racing and his breathing was heavy, the pleasure so good he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hang on. 

“G – Gee...” He choked, looking down but all he could see was the back of Gerard’s head as he sucked lazily against his tip, seeming to take forever before finally sliding down and swallowing more of him into his mouth. “Uunn...”

“Mm...” Gerard smiled softly as he sucked slowly and gently around the half of Frank in his mouth. He had wanted this for so long he was determined to take his time, just savouring the weight of Frank against his tongue; the gentle throbbing as blood pulsed through his length. He reached a hand down to cup Frank’s balls, rolling them slowly in his palm as he simply sucked and licked against Frank’s erection, not bobbing his head. Just lazily tasting him as Frank sighed and moaned quietly against one of the pillows.

Frank closed his eyes and relaxed into the sheets, stroking his fingers through Gerard’s hair as his body thrummed and tingled all over. He knew he wasn’t going to last long but when he tried to tell Gerard to stop the older man completely ignored him so Frank just let him carry on. The pleasure was too good to stop anyway. 

“Mmph... Oh Gee... Gee m’so close...” He groaned, rolling his head to the side as he began to feel overwhelmed with pleasure. He struggled not to buck his hips up but he could feel his orgasm fast approaching and Gerard refused to quicken his pace. He simply continued to suck slowly and gently, his head motionless against Frank’s stomach as he focused his attention on the tip of Frank’s cock and the coronal ridge. 

Still, even just that was enough to send Frank over the edge and he gasped softly as he gave up trying to hold on and spilt over Gerard’s tongue. 

Gerard wasn’t shocked by Frank’s sudden climax, still able to read the signs his body gave off and so he had known his orgasm was coming. As soon as his cum shot from the tip Gerard was eagerly swallowing it down, groaning softly around the head as he sucked and sucked, digging his tongue into the tiny slit and milking Frank dry before pulling back as Frank groaned in slight distress.

“Shh...” Gerard purred, kissing over the younger man’s abdomen before sliding back down and kissing against the base of his erection. If Frank thought he was hyper-sensitive before it was nothing to how sensitive he was now after climaxing and his body jolted as Gerard licked gently over the bottom of his shaft. 

“Unnn... G – Gerard...” He whimpered, not sure whether he wanted him to stop or not. It felt so good but almost painful at the same time, his body having no time to come down from his climax before Gerard was getting him hard again with the tiniest, gentlest of licks. He gazed up at Frank as he licked slowly and tenderly, as gentle as a kitten. 

“Mm?” He purred, moving back to suck on his fingers and Frank gazed at him through half lidded eyes as he spread his legs further, knowing what was coming and grateful for just this second of relief for his body to cool down a little, his cock already standing to attention once more. 

Gerard bit his lip as he looked down at Frank, idly rubbing his hand over his own erection as it throbbed painfully. Frank looked like he had had sex three times over already, his damp hair tasselled and his body blushing red all over. His half lidded eyes had a glossy haze and when he smiled it was the easiest smile he had given all day. It made Gerard’s heart jump and he sighed, smiling as he leant down to kiss Frank gently and nudge one slick finger between the soft globes of his ass and into his puckered entrance.

Frank gasped and moaned huskily as he flung his arms around Gerard’s neck, turning his face away so that he could pant softly and focus on relaxing. Gerard watched him carefully, moving his finger ever so slowly and letting Frank get used to him again. It had been so long Frank felt as tight as a virgin and Gerard refused to hurt him.

“Frankie, are you okay?” He asked huskily, Frank turning his face back to him, smiling as he nodded and spread his legs further. He tangled a hand into Gerard’s hair and dragged him close for a deep kiss, a second finger pushing inside him and making his heart race faster.

“Mm... Mhmm... Feels good...” He slurred, tangling both hands through the older man’s hair and then down his back. The pleasure was like an old, familiar friend, but more than that just feeling his body relax and practically invite Gerard in made him happier than ever. He guessed part of him had been afraid he wouldn’t be able to do this after what had happened with Sam, that the memory would haunt him and frighten him... but Gerard made him feel so safe, his trust was stronger than before instead of broken and he groaned quietly for more as he bucked his hips. 

Gerard smiled softly against Frank’s lips as they kissed, a third finger joining the other two with ease and he sucked against Frank’s tongue as the younger man pushed his ass down and whimpered in delight. Gerard could feel his dick throbbing and he ached to push inside him, prepping him for just a minute more before pulling his fingers away and moving to rest between Frank’s legs.

“Ummph... Are you ready?” He asked softly, lining his erection up with Frank’s entrance and looking at him for a second. He blushed a little at the serene way Frank was gazing back, a lazy smile gracing his gorgeous face as he nodded and laid his hands against Gerard’s biceps.

“Course...” He purred in response, groaning and tipping his head back when Gerard began to slide into him. Gerard kept his eyes on Frank’s face, watching him carefully as he clenched his teeth and pushed into him ever so slowly. He couldn’t remember Frank ever feeling so tight and his dick twitched at the sensation as he pushed deeper and deeper, Frank arching his back up with a gentle sigh.

Gerard exhaled slowly once he had pushed all the way in, his body tingling all over as his abdomen swirled with heat. It had been so long... far too long. He felt so close already he kept his thrusts smooth and slow, trying to hold on as he rocked back and forth inside his lover. 

Frank smiled and bit his lip, keeping his eyes closed as he focused on every little sensation Gerard was causing. His muscles were clenching and relaxing in gentle waves around Gerard’s engorged length, his body feeling as if it was on fire he felt so amazing. 

Gerard sighed and ducked his head down to rest in Frank’s neck, kissing against the flushed skin as he rocked back and forth slowly. He counted backwards in his head to try and ignore the insistent pleasure tugging at his abdomen, but it was no use. Barely thirty seconds in he felt the tell-tale signs of his orgasm and he whimpered softly as he tried to force it back, but before he knew it his body had betrayed him and he was spilling deep into Frank who gasped in shock.

Frank clenched his teeth and moaned a little as he felt Gerard’s hot cum filling him, his nails digging into the older man’s biceps and he rocked his hips back and forth when Gerard remained still, hiding his face in Frank’s neck. Frank rolled his hips to milk Gerard’s orgasm for him, chuckling softly when he stopped and Gerard continued to hide.

“Mm... Hey? Look at me?” He mewled softly, Gerard shaking his head and groaning in embarrassment. Frank laughed quietly again, trying his best not to because he knew it would only upset Gerard further but it wasn’t out of spite, he actually felt touched. Gerard had never had a problem with lasting before and he knew it was just because they had been apart for so long. 

“Gee... Love, I hope you weren’t planning on ending there.” He purred playfully into Gerard’s ear, kissing over his hair and rolling his hips again, sighing as he felt Gerard still hard and pulsing inside him. “Because it feels to me like you’re far from finished...” He whispered seductively, Gerard groaning a little and slowly turning his head to gaze into Frank’s eyes. His heart missed a beat when he saw the calm understanding swirling in the hazel irises, a playful spark glinting in them and Gerard felt a smile tugging at his lips as he gazed into the eyes of the old Frankie... the Frankie he had fallen in love with.

“I’m sorry –”

“Don’t be. Now we’ve both cum once each, it’s even.” Frank winked, rocking his hips up and down so Gerard would get the hint and start moving again. “Mmm... and I just know you’re gonna make me cum again...” He growled softly, moaning a little louder as Gerard began to thrust into him with more speed, keeping his thrusts long and smooth so it stayed gentle but fast.

Gerard sighed and smiled as he met Frank in a heated kiss, his embarrassment forgotten as his body tingled with renewed pleasure. His cum had served to lubricate Frank more, making his thrusts easy and fluid and he groaned as he easily sought out the younger man’s prostate. He chuckled a little and tried to hush Frank when he cried out in pleasure, bucking his hips and scratching slightly at Gerard’s back as his erection pushed over his magic spot again and again.

“Shh... Shh...” Gerard chuckled, biting back his own moans as Frank clenched tightly around him. He didn’t want them to be heard by anyone in the tavern, but by that point even he was starting not to care. It had been so long and it felt so good and he just couldn’t stop.

“Frankie... Ooh... Frankie, Frankie, Frankie...” He chanted softly against the crook of Frank’s neck, the younger man bucking his hips and arching his back as he writhed about against the sheets. He was panting hotly against Gerard’s shoulder as he sat up just enough to bite and kiss against his pale skin, his muscles clenching more and more as he felt his second orgasm approaching. 

Gerard closed his eyes as he indulged in Frank’s body, his warm skin, his gorgeous body, the way his legs came up to clamp around his hips and drag him closer... it was everything he had dreamed about and missed so much and he could feel the tension growing between them as their orgasms approached. Love was making his heart swell and thump, but he knew he didn’t need to tell Frank he loved him, the way their eyes met as their pleasure climbed said it all. Gerard could see love written all over Frank’s iris’ and he knew the younger man could see the same in his eyes, so he simply tangled a hand into Frank’s hair and cradled the side of his face as he whispered for him to cum. 

Frank moaned quietly and turned his head just enough to press a chaste kiss to Gerard’s palm, watching him through half lidded eyes as his stomach clenched and heated. His prostate was being hit with every thrust in and it was too much for him to withstand. He was leaking copious amounts of cum over their stomachs already and with just a few more well aimed thrusts he was cumming hard over his torso, sobbing out Gerard’s name as his eyes squeezed shut. 

Gerard groaned quietly and watched Frank cum, wrapping a hand around his erection to milk him of every last drop, his muscles clenching so tight around his own cock that he couldn’t hold on much longer himself. He kept thrusting for just a few more minutes, Frank panting beneath him, looking exhausted though he continued to rock his hips so that he could help bring Gerard closer, whimpering how good it felt so that before Gerard knew it he was cumming again, his head spinning from the force.

Frank sighed and wrapped his arms tight around his lover, clutching him to his chest and purring sweet nothings into his ear as he came, riding through his orgasm that seemed to last forever before he finally collapsed against Frank. 

Both men were silent for a long moment, just holding onto each other and catching their breath back before Gerard slid out of Frank with a quiet hiss. Frank shuddered a little as cum ran down his thighs almost immediately and he whimpered as he pressed his face into Gerard’s chest. 

“I love you...” He sighed, smiling as Gerard gently patted down his sex hair for him and cradled him in his arms.

“You too sugar... always.”

xXx

It was early evening when Gerard walked Frank home. They had made love a further three times before their stamina had packed out and they had been left panting breathlessly for ages. Frank had never felt safer in Gerard’s strong arms and when it had come time for him to think about getting home he just hadn’t wanted to leave. 

Gerard had refused to let Frank go until he had some warmer clothes and so Frank had had to wait in their tavern room whilst Gerard ran out to get him some clothes from the nearest tailors. Luckily since Gerard was now wealthy he was back in no time with some gorgeous, warm clothes that Frank gratefully slipped into after washing himself clean with some of the cold bath water. The clothes didn’t quite fit properly, but Frank would get them measured properly another day.

He had been thinking about his old house whilst he had waited, and by the time he was ready to leave the tavern he was eager to go surprise his mum and grandmother with his return. 

Gerard smiled as he walked with Frank through the snow lined street, keeping close together but careful not to hold hands or anything in public. The two men talked and caught up more, Frank grinning as Gerard told him more about Mikey and how well he was doing, coming to a slow halt outside Frank’s house as they arrived and Gerard looked at the shabby, run down building. 

“I know it’s not much...” Frank said quietly, biting his lip. “But now I’m back with the gold we can buy a new place.” He smiled, Gerard nodding and smiling warmly as he cupped Frank’s face and tucked a lock of his hair behind his ear. 

“Of course... Well, at least now I know where you live I can come see you whenever.” He grinned, Frank giggling with a nod. “And of course I’ll take you to my place too... which reminds me… If you’re not already busy then I’d love for you and your family to join my family for Christmas dinner.” He said softly, smiling at Frank’s shocked face.

Frank gawped at Gerard as if he was crazy, snow falling gently from the sky and landing in his dark hair, making him look so gorgeous Frank couldn’t think of a good reason to say no though he was sure there was one. After a long minute of painful thinking he finally gasped and smacked Gerard’s arm lightly.

“Gee! You know we can’t do that –”

“Why not? It’ll only be your ma and grandma, and my brother and his wife and daughter. It’s hardly a lot of people and we can afford the food now and I really want to introduce you to them all...” Gerard whined, Frank blushing and biting his lip.

“But Gerard, we can’t exactly introduce each other to our families. My mum would die if she knew I was queer.” He whimpered, Gerard sighing and bowing his head. 

“I guess... but couldn’t you come just as my friend or whatever, for now? Mikey and Alicia already know about us so –”

“What!?” Frank gasped, feeling about ready to faint and Gerard quickly wrapped his arms around him to support him, quickly explaining how Mikey had worked it out for himself and how much he didn’t mind. 

“He said that after I’d saved his life he’d never turn against me for something like this. And to be honest I think he can see how much I love you... He’d never want to destroy that. But my mum doesn’t know yet and I can understand if you don’t want yours to know yet either. It’ll only be for Christmas Frankie... then after that we can make a plan of if and then we’ll tell them.” He said as gently but firmly as he could, Frank gazing at him with big eyes for a long moment, Gerard almost ready to tell him to just forget the whole thing before he finally spoke. 

“Mikey... Mikey and Alicia really don’t mind?” He asked softly, shocked beyond all reason. He had never thought anyone would be fine with them but to hear that both Mikey _and_ his wife didn’t care made Frank feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 

Gerard slowly grinned as he saw a stupid smile splitting Frank’s features and he nodded, kissing him quickly whilst no one was around. 

“Mm... Really. So what do you say? Please say you’ll join us Frankie, it’ll be the best Christmas ever with you there.” He mewled, Frank biting his lip and glancing towards his front door before sighing and nodding, smiling as he gave in.

“Okay... Just as friends for this one though... Just until I’m ready to tell them.” He said gently, Gerard grinning and scooping him up, spinning him round with a laugh before kissing him quick again. 

“Okay! I’ll pick you up in a couple days then, at midday. Bring your mum and grandma and I’ll take you to mine where we’ll all eat.” He beamed, Frank giggling at his enthusiasm and nodding, tiptoeing up to kiss him lightly again before he squeezed his hand. 

“Alright. Until then, then.” 

“Yes, see you soon Frankie.” Gerard beamed, Frank nodding and walking up the little path to his door. 

“See you soon beautiful.” He winked, turning and stepping into his house as his heart began to race. He couldn’t wait for Christmas day now but first he had his mother and grandmother to see, and as Gerard began making his way back down the street he chuckled as he heard screams coming from Frank’s house, followed by cheering and laughter and the unmistakeable sound of a woman crying with joy.

It was going to be an amazing new year too then, Gerard decided. 

_FINI_


End file.
